Where Did I Go?: Going Invisible to One’s Self

Going Invisible to Yourself.

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Invisible. When we think of the word, we might imagine a host of things ranging from a magician’s disappearing act to some kind of advanced stealth technology or perhaps even fictional depictions of characters with invisibility powers like H.G. Wells's The Invisible Man. But the idea of invisibility isn’t necessarily relegated to fictional diversions. Using the term invisible, or rather, the phrase “going invisible to one’s self,” is metaphorically based around how we live our daily lives. The loss of self regards the forces that tend to hinder our growth and disrupt our ecology of self, which is our informed personal identity shaped by relationships, environments, and lived experiences (Hormuth, n.d.).

Does the person looking back at you in the mirror feel a bit like a stranger lately? Sometimes this experience happens when we become psychologically occluded to our sense of self, losing touch with who we are and our own self-agency. This kind of self-invisibility is existential and subtle. Its emergence is often created by overwhelm, anxiety, bloated obligations, daily expectations, and burgeoning routines that slowly erase the clarity of self.

This “invisible state” emerges from within, as an emotional and psychological phenomenon in which our authentic self, which is a positive psychological signature of mental health, recedes into the background due to other impacting issues (Huang et al., 2025). Its potential is fueled by the demands of modern living, where some may find themselves drowning in endless responsibilities, social pressures, toxic burnout, relationship issues, or internal struggles with anxiety, depression, or illness. These are the things that can slowly erode our connection to “who we are” and what we value. And this slow-burn phenomenon typically emerges almost imperceptibly, until we begin to question our own existence, sometimes driving some to engage in maladaptive behaviors like escapism and avoidance. What we're left with is a haunting disconnect, and a nagging sense that we're not fully living anymore, but merely existing or languishing outside ourselves.

Self.

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The idea of “SELF” and staying visible

As understood from a psychological lens, the self represents the entirety of an individual’s being, spanning conscious and unconscious processes, mental frameworks, and physical experiences. It is woven into us psychologically, molded by identity, self-agency, values, and personal experiences. Theories from psychological pioneers like William James, Carl Jung, Karen Horney, Alfred Adler, Gordon Allport, and Heinz Kohut have described its complexity, evolving through individuation, relationships, and the interplay of internal and external influences over time

The self, however, isn't a fleeting or ephemeral thing, and when we experience the feeling of going invisible to ourselves, who we are doesn’t truly disappear, but simply recedes into the background of everything else going on, making our inclusion of “sense of self” harder to see daily. Seeing our self again requires reconnection to our self and it requires conscious effort, reflection, and intentional daily choices. Let’s explore the ways we can counter self-invisibility.

Becoming visible again.

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On becoming "visible" again

A few years back, I felt myself “going invisible” in my own life, saying yes to too many things while trying to keep up with daily demands until overwhelm finally set in. One day, staring at my computer, I had the surreal thought: Where did I go? The signs were everywhere: a dusty guitar on the wall untouched, unread books on my shelf, and a calendar packed with commitments. When my wife asked what was wrong, I told her I felt invisible to myself, lost to myself. It was a strange realization, but the truth was clear: I had no time left for myself.

It’s easy to assume that therapists can sidestep these traps, but that’s a myth. Even the best professionals—therapists, doctors, nurses, etc.—usually excel at helping others because they have distance. But when it comes to ourselves, those binoculars may fail. As a physician once told me, operating on yourself is a messy proposition. Distance and perspective are needed.

There are countless reasons we might fade from our own daily awareness due to loss, change, or overwhelming responsibilities. And when we constantly compromise the me aspect, we begin to disappear. So how do we reclaim visibility? Here are a few ways to make that happen:

Reassembly of Self Through Daily Decompositioning. Decompositioning of Self is the process of breaking down complex life events into smaller, actionable elements for better understanding and navigation (Munro, 2011). When you feel yourself fading—whether due to stress or a lack of focus—it’s crucial to create an awareness moment. This means dissecting broad emotions like “discontent” or “feeling lost” into identifiable pieces and asking key questions: What triggered this feeling? Where am I compromising myself right now? And most importantly, What do I truly want but have yet to acknowledge?

In psychology, taking a step back this way is called cognitive defusion, much like an artist stepping back to assess their canvas. We need a moment of clarity to take stock of what truly is. Creating momentary distance from what is happening helps us gain perspective on the emotions stirring the feeling of invisibility.

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Daily Micro-Awareness Checkpoints. Just as small tasks make big projects manageable, brief self-check-ins can keep us from fading into routine. These moments prompt us to pause and ask: Am I acting in alignment with what I truly want? Is this decision mine, or am I defaulting to expectation?

Reverse Engineering Fulfillment. How did I do it? To reclaim presence of self, I reverse-engineered fulfillment—starting with what truly brings meaning, then identifying the actions and thought patterns that sustain self-visibility. I began with a values sort, narrowing my core values down until one remained: peace—something that was at that time absent from my days. No wonder I felt invisible; I had unknowingly removed the very element that kept me connected to myself. My solution? Intentionally integrating even the smallest moments of peaceful activity daily to ensure I stayed visible, a bike ride, a moment to read, or simply sit with my thoughts.

Personal Visibility Network (PVN): Anchors of Self-Recognition. While internal reflection is essential, external grounding helps us maintain visibility. A Personal Visibility Network consists of trusted individuals, maybe mentors, close friends, or colleagues, who act as anchors, offering perspective when we lose sight of our wants and identity. These are the people who remind us of our values, challenge us when we stray, and reinforce self-recognition when routine or external pressures threaten our clarity.

To remain visible to ourselves requires work, and we must consciously and daily reclaim that space in which our identity breathes, honoring self, questioning what dims us, and actively protecting the essence of who we are.