The Fine Line Between Denial and Positive Thinking

There is a fine line between thinking positive and being in denial and everyone struggles with it.

It's especially a struggle when you're also struggling with a situation in which someone needs a lot of care all the time.

Thinking positive might sound like this: We don’t need help at home. We can handle it. We want to preserve [fill in the blank’s] independence.

Being in denial might sound like this: We don’t need help at home. We can handle it. We want to preserve [fill in the blank’s] independence.

The sound the same, don’t they?

Unfortunately, for many people, the call for help or the decision to call comes very late in the game. Late as in, once they realize they need help the person likely needed help for many months prior. They were trying to think positive but in this case their denial masqueraded as thinking positive.

How can you tell the difference? In other words, how can you tell when it’s time to take action and get some help—homecare, counseling, or both?

The following are but a few clues:

1. Caregiver is resentful.
2. Caregiver talks nonstop about all the problems; caregiver is spinning.
3. Patient refuses help even though patient’s needs are too much for caregiver (see #1 and #2). If this is the case, caregiver likely needs encouragement to get support for him/herself to figure out how to get his/her needs met and continue to care for the patient.
4. Caregiver’s health is getting worse as a result of the stress.
5. People say to caregiver: “You know, you really could use some help.”
6. Caregiver is constantly saying to no one in particular: “I really could use some help.”
7. Caregiver is constantly saying: “I have no one to help me.”
8. Caregiver is constantly saying: “If only I was lucky enough to have some help.”
9. Patient is saying to caregiver: “Let’s get some help,” to which caregiver replies: “I can do it, I can handle it” (though he/she really can’t).
10. Patient’s world and caregiver’s world have narrowed so much that they only have each other. Though someone is ill or even homebound there is still a way to open up their world: have friends or neighbors visit/read books/listen to music/pray/meditate with patient/watch TV or videos while caregiver gets time to do what he or she would like to do to recharge.

These are but a few scenarios. Any sound familiar? If help is needed, a good place to start is by calling local senior centers, hospitals or home care agencies as well as adult day healthcare centers where you can speak to a social worker or resources specialist to help figure out needs and see what is available.