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Where Are the Happy Babies?

Have we forgotten what babies need from (ALL OF) us?

I was so glad to meet a happy, confident, socially engaged baby this week. Baby Loren was a stark contrast to most babies--children under 2--that I encounter these days. Most tend to look distracted, unhappy, dazed, and pretty uninterested in others. And their eyes don't glow or communicate understanding like Loren's did. I even had a hard time finding a photo to put up with this post of a glowing, clued-in baby, whose eyes did not look wounded or clouded.

Why are so few babies "glowing" any more?

Although babies obviously represent the future of your family, my family, our society, and the human race, fewer and fewer people in the USA seem to understand what babies need. Charles Blow has been documenting the declining support and wellbeing of children, like on August 26 where he documents how many children in each USA state have food insecurity.

Food is clearly a basic need for a thriving baby. But there are things beyond such staying-alive-needs that human babies require for thriving.

Here is some basic information about babies and some of their needs.

Human babies, unlike any other creature, have only 25% of the brain developed at birth (assuming 40-42 weeks gestation at birth, i.e., full term). Most of what is available at birth are basic survival mechanisms that kick into gear when the child feels imbalanced or life-threatened (e.g. panic at separation from the caregiver).

Unlike most other animals who are mobile at birth, humans emerge from the womb many months early because of head size. Social mammals like humans have lots of growing to do after birth too, and our ancestral parenting practices provide good early care that fosters optimal social and intellectual brain development. What's good care? Good care in the first year or more includes an 'external womb' kind of care (e.g., carried close to the body constantly, needs met immediately, nursing on demand).

A baby's development unfolds on a set maturational schedule (with individual timing varying somewhat). Later capacities build on earlier ones. So if there is inadequate food or attention during this rapid-growth period, the brain will build less-than-optimal systems (e.g., neurotransmitter systems receptor number and activity can be lowered by poor care, which affects how well your memory is set up to work later on--not so well!). A poor foundation leads to poor mental and physical health later (which sometimes may not show up till adolescence or adulthood).

The brain typically grows to 60% adult size by age 1 and is co-constructed by experience. So you can see that the caregiver has a great effect on how well the brain grows.

In the first year of life, the neocortex begins to build up the area for reasoning, thinking, planning, and other executive functions--systems that apparently finish themselves in the third decade if life. The emotion systems get established and connected by age two, which affects social capabilities later. So the first two years set up personality, intelligence and social success. (See Greenspan & Shanker, 2004; Schore, 2001.)

Thus, caregiver care in the first years of life is CRITICAL for optimal brain and body development, for intellectual, social and emotional intelligence.

What does the baby want/need desperately in the first two years when the brain is growing so quickly? Think: EXTERNAL WOMB.

Caregiver constant touch (holding, carrying) keeps DNA synthesis and growth hormone going. Separation from a caregiver's body, shuts both down (Schanberg, 1995). (Have you noticed how distressed a baby gets when isolated? Separation hurts.) Intelligence later in childhood is related to head size growth in the first year of life (Gale et al., 2006).

Caregiver responsiveness to needs. Babies don't have any capabilities for self-care at birth. They need caregivers to teach their bodies and brains to stay calm so they can grow well. When young babies nonverbally gesture discomfort, it means they feel pain and should be attended to right away. Babies should not have to cry to get needs met because crying releases cortisol, killing brain cells.

Avoid distress. Until around age 5, children need protection from stressful situations. Their brains are not yet capable of dealing with loud noises or sudden visual transformations. They need the caregiver's compassionate physical presence to get calm from sudden distress. Later on the child will learn to comfort self when the caregiver is unavailable, based on this early sense of security and systems that were coached to calm themselves.

Avoid discomfort. When a baby starts to gesture discomfort indicating some kind of imbalance, the caregiver can provide touch (carrying, rocking) or the breast for non-nutritive suckling or breastmilk. Meeting a baby's needs quickly when a baby communicates a need builds the child's confidence in the self's ability to get needs met. This confidence stays with the child thereafter.

Avoid crying. When babies are left to cry, they build a more stress-reactive brain (for the longterm) that will have a harder time calming itself. Later on, depression and aggression are more likely. They learn not to trust the world or people, thereby becoming more focused on themselves. In contrast, caregiver responsiveness to the needs of the baby fosters a pleasant personality. In cultures where babies do not cry (because they are not separated from a caregiver, left unfed or untouched), there are no "terrible twos" (see here).

Breastmilk. Provided the mother is not malnourished, breastmilk provides all the nutrition needed to build a well-functioning brain and body. Neurotransmitters like serotonin are fostered by alpha-lactalbumin, rich in tryptophan, in breastmilk. All immunoglobulins are provided by mother's milk plus antibodies for any viruses and bacteria in the vicinity. Exclusive breastfeeding for six months if not longer ensures these benefits will be unimpeded by the pathogens and imbalances that formula encourages (see here).

Frequent, on demand breastmilk feeding. Breastmilk is mostly amino acids which are fundamental to building a good brain. The baby feeds frequently to flood the brain with these needed building blocks. If the baby is put on an adult-centered schedule or an infant formula that makes babies sleep deeply (which is unnatural), opportunities to provide brain-building nutrients will be missed, not to mention the distress it will cause in the baby. This again leads to a stressed brain, less optimal growth, less flexible self-comforting.

Babies become what they experience. The brain learns what is practiced, especially in early life. If early life is a distress-filled life, the brain learns to be a threat detector, using that as a filter for social life. The brain has difficulty relaxing to learn. If early life is an unstressed life, the brain is able to grow in all the ways it is designed to grow (smart, thoughtful, compassionate).

If we don't give babies what they need, should we be surprised that children's academic performance is on the downswing?


How does what babies need affect those who are not parents?

Babies need responsive caregivers, 24 hours. Parents cannot do this alone.

It means we need to restructure society, going back to ways that are more supportive of babies.

How do we facilitate optimal child growth without putting it all on parents? We should be thinking about and planning changes to facilitate structural changes.

FAMILY WELLBEING. Parents need to be able to provide for their families without working day and night. They need decent jobs that pay enough so that one job is enough for a family to live on. It has been noted that our ancestors controlled their desires, desiring very little. Our culture does the opposite, increasing desires for things that don't really make us happy but keep us distracted. (See Bishop's book, More.) Maybe the economic downturn is a chance to shift our priorities from acquiring things to getting pleasure from relationships (the focus of our ancestors).

FAMILY HEALTH. We need to focus on prevention and fostering good health, instead of interventions after things have gone wrong. This means healthcare that starts babies right, with as little interference at birth as possible. The time around childbirth is a sensitive period for establishing longterm patterns of interaction, including bonding. There should be no circumcision in early life as it affects bonding. Our medical system should be careful and cautious about interfering with natural processes (e.g., breastfeeding) during this period.

FAMILY TIME. Parents need time to be with their children in positive ways and both need time with supportive community members. Community nurses visiting new moms is a proven way to improve childrearing. Trust is fostered in early life through responsive care. If most of us did not get the nearly constant support needed, with little distress, chances are we are not very trusting. And indeed, trust levels in the USA have been decreasing over the last decades. We will have to figure out how to slow ourselves down enough to pay attention to our neighbors in positive ways and build the trust that comes from familiarity.

CAREGIVER ATTENTION. Young children need responsive parents or else their brains, bodies, and sociality are undernourished. Parents who are well themselves and calm, who are bonded to the child, and who have time for an emotional connection with the child are better able to be attentive--which is just what kids need. I don't mean intrusive, controlling insensitive attention, but respectful, honoring attention that responds sensitively to the child's emotional cues.

EXTENDED FAMILIES. We must facilitate keeping extended families together, allowing them to be in the same house if they so choose (zoning laws have made this illegal in some places). Then other family members can take on some of the household tasks for the parents as well as childcare.

WORKPLACES. Babies can and should be at work with mom. (See here.) This means that work schedules and work places must be flexible. This means that parents must be able to manage and make up for decreased night sleeping (e.g., afternoon siestas). Some jobs are just not appropriate for new moms and new dads (like soldiering) and so we must encourage workplaces to allow extended parental leaves in the first year(s) of a baby's life, as done in other advanced nations.

POLITICIANS. In Switzerland, preschools are often built next to retirement communities so that the younger and older generations can intermingle. Such proposals are built on wisdom about what helps people of all ages thrive. Many US politicians seem to have lost their intuitions and wisdom about these things. To remedy this lack of understanding, I propose that we make sure that politicians hold babies and play with young children regularly. High testosterone correlates with low empathy, and there's been quite a lot of both among politicians in the news. Holding babies lowers testosterone. The hope (to be tested) is that politicians will think of the babies children when they write and pass laws and design budgets.

PUBLIC SPACES. Women's breasts were designed to nurse babies (with milk and non-nutritive suckling) to optimal health. It would be helpful to let go of the extreme sexualization of breasts in the USA, although I suspect that the men that did not get breastfed or get enough support in early life are those who are obsessed with breasts. In places where extensive breastfeeding is considered normal, men have fewer obsessions with women's breasts. (See here for discussion.)

PLEASURE. We've got a couple of generations that have learned not to get great pleasure from children so it may take a few generations to get back to it. But childrearing in community is very pleasurable (if you do it well so that the children have pleasant personalities like the adults).

Happy babies make for happy communities. If we attend to what children need from before birth, they will be pleasant and happy. It's denial of their needs that gets them to be ornery and oppositional and unpleasant in public. But WE ALL HAVE TO PITCH IN.

But, you might say, doesn't the glowing baby, Loren, count as a happy baby? Doesn't his existence counter my hypothesis of decreasing happy babies in the USA? Nope. Loren is not from the USA. He is from Switzerland, a place with many policies that support wellbeing in families and babies.

I'm sure you have more ideas about how to make our societies friendlier to the needs of babies. Let's imagine together how we can improve the current situation.

Read about how early trauma influences brain development and morality in Neurobiology and the Development of Human Morality:Evolution, Culture and Wisdom (Norton book; discount code: NARVAEZ)

References below and for more references, see these posts:



6 Hidden Myths Behind Baby Sleep Training Advocacy

Child Sleep Training’s “Best Review of Research”

Parents Misled by Cry-It-Out Sleep Training Reports

REBUTTAL to critique of "Parents Misled by...Sleep Training Reports"

Dangers of "Crying it Out"

Baby Sleep Training: Mistakes “Experts” and Parents Make

'Let Crying Babes Lie'? So Wrong

Simple Ways to Calm a Crying Baby

Normal, Human Infant Sleep: Feeding Method and Development

Normal Infant Sleep: Changing Patterns

Normal Parent Behaviors and Why They Won’t Hurt Your Child

Normal Infant Sleep: Night Nursing's Importance

More Normal Parenting for Sleep

Understanding and Helping Toddler Sleep

Understanding and Helping Toddler Sleep-Tiredness?

Understanding and Helping Toddler Sleep--Preparing Success

SIDS: Risks and Realities

Bed Sharing With Babies: What is the Hype About?

Bedsharing or Co-Sleeping Can Save Babies' Lives


New Moms Need Social Support

Painkillers for Childbirth? The Few Pros and Many Cons

What's the Use of Midwives and Doulas?

Jesus Had a Home Birth

What if Jesus Had Been Born in the USA?


Myths about Infant Circumcision you Likely believe

More Circumcision Myths You May Believe: Hygiene and STDs

Circumcision: Social, Sexual, Psychological Realities

Circumcision Ethics and Economics

What Is the Greatest Danger for an Uncircumcised Boy?

Why Continue to Harm Boys from Ignorance of Male Anatomy?

Pro-Circumcision Culturally Biased, Not Scientific: Experts

Protect (All) Your Boys from Early Trauma

Circumcision’s Psychological Damage


Stand Up For Breastfeeding

Talk About Breastfeeding With Your Family, Friends and Doctor

Breastmilk Wipes Out Formula: Responses to Critical Comments

In Light of Last Week's Posts: Is Pushing* Formula Evil?

Breastfeeding Resources

The REAL Truth about Breastfeeding

5 Things You Thought You Knew about Breastfeeding

The TREMENDOUS Benefits of Doing What is Normal: Breastfeeding

Myths you probably believe about infant formula

Your assumptions about infant formula are probably wrong

It’s Breastfeeding Week: Why should you care?


Research on Spanking: It's Bad for ALL Kids

What Happened to Ethics in Pediatric Medicine?

Baby-, Parent- or Life-Centered Parenting?

Ten Ways to Truly Respect Motherhood

Slings and Heroes

Parents Should Know the Limitations of Science Experiments

Babies "don’t cry in Africa," why should they cry in the USA?

Blame the baby or blame the experts?

Dumb Parent(ing), Dumberer Child

How to Grow a Smart Baby

Are you treating your child like a prisoner?

Undercare: The bane of American life?

Promoting Thriving in School-Aged Children: A Checklist

Is it good to make kids afraid?

How NOT to Ruin a Child

Are you or your child on a (touch) starvation diet?

Mother’s touch of dead baby causes “miracle”

What Does Good Parenting Look Like? You Decide.


Childism Revisited

Are You a “Childist?" Test Yourself

Babies Are Needy—Does That Bug You?

Do We Need Declaration for the Rights of the Baby?

Where Are the Happy Babies?

The Decline of Children and the Moral Sense

Believing "children are resilient" may be a fantasy

How America Morally Fails its Children: What Needs to Change

Increase the well-being of children around you


1. Kindness in Kids and the Nature-Nurture Debate (Dr. Sarina Saturn)

2. Why Synchronize and Bond With Your Children (Dr. Ruth Feldman)

3. “I want it—now!” How Children Learn Self-Control (Dr. Julie Braungart-Rieker)

4. Why Kids Should Be Protected from Toxic Stress (Dr. Bruce Perry)

5. “Mr. Mom” The New (or Old?) Normal (Dr. Lee Gettler)

6. Why Dad’s “Talk” is Important (Dr. Holly Brophy-Herb)

7. Conflict in the Family: Why Mom and Dad Should Say “Sorry” (Dr. Mark Cummings)

8. Domination or Partnership? How Does Your Family Stack Up? (Dr. Riane Eisler)

9. Why Carefully Invest Daily in a Child (Dr. Robin Nelson)

*Posts are based on talks presented at the Pathways to Child Flourishing conference, University of Notre Dame, Notre Dame, IN.

ALSO SEE: What is Child Flourishing?


When I write about human nature, I use the 99% of human genus history as a baseline. That is the context of small-band hunter-gatherers. These are “immediate-return” societies with few possessions who migrate and forage. They have no hierarchy or coercion and value generosity and sharing. They exhibit both high autonomy and high commitment to the group. They have high social wellbeing. See comparison between dominant Western culture and this evolved heritage in my article (you can download from my website):

Narvaez, D. (2013). The 99 Percent—Development and socialization within an evolutionary context: Growing up to become “A good and useful human being.” In D. Fry (Ed.), War, Peace and Human Nature: The convergence of Evolutionary and Cultural Views (pp. 643-672). New York: Oxford University Press.

When I write about parenting, I assume the importance of the evolved developmental niche (EDN) for raising human infants (which initially arose over 30 million years ago with the emergence of the social mammals and has been slightly altered among human groups based on anthropological research).

The EDN is the baseline I use for determining what fosters optimal human health, wellbeing and compassionate morality. The niche includes at least the following: infant-initiated breastfeeding for several years, nearly constant touch early, responsiveness to needs so the young child does not get distressed, playful companionship with multi-aged playmates, multiple adult caregivers, positive social support, and soothing perinatal experiences.

All EDN characteristics are linked to health in mammalian and human studies (for reviews, see Narvaez, Panksepp, Schore & Gleason, 2013; Narvaez, Valentino, Fuentes, McKenna & Gray, 2014; Narvaez, 2014) Thus, shifts away from the EDN baseline are risky and must be supported with longitudinal data looking at wellbeing in children and adults. My comments and posts stem from these basic assumptions.

My research laboratory has documented the importance of the EDN for child wellbeing and moral development with more papers in the works see (my Website to download papers):

Narvaez, D., Gleason, T., Wang, L., Brooks, J., Lefever, J., Cheng, A., & Centers for the Prevention of Child Neglect (2013). The Evolved Development Niche: Longitudinal Effects of Caregiving Practices on Early Childhood Psychosocial Development. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 28 (4), 759–773. Doi: 10.1016/j.ecresq.2013.07.003

Narvaez, D., Wang, L., Gleason, T., Cheng, A., Lefever, J., & Deng, L. (2013). The Evolved Developmental Niche and sociomoral outcomes in Chinese three-year-olds. European Journal of Developmental Psychology, 10(2), 106-127.

Also see these books for selected reviews:

Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development (Oxford University Press)

Ancestral Landscapes in Human Evolution (Oxford University Press)

Neurobiology and the Development of Human Morality: Evolution, Culture and Wisdom (W.W. Norton)


Catharine R. Gale, PhD, Finbar J. O'Callaghan, PhD, Maria Bredow, MBChB, Christopher N. Martyn, DPhil and the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children Study Team (October 4, 2006). "The Influence of Head Growth in Fetal Life, Infancy, and Childhood on Intelligence at the Ages of 4 and 8 Years". PEDIATRICS Vol. 118 No. 4 October 2006, pp. 1486-1492.

Greenspan, S.I., & Shanker, S.I. (2004). The first idea. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.

Hewlett, B., & Lamb, M. (2005). Hunter-gatherer childhoods.New York: Aldine.

Schanberg, S. (1995). The genetic basis for touch effects. In T. Field (Ed.), Touch and Early Experience (pp. 67-80). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Schore, A. N. (2001). Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1-2), 7-66. doi:10.1002/1097-0355(200101/04)22:1<7::AID-IMHJ2>3.0.CO;2-N

Sunderland, M. (2006). The science of parenting. DK Adult.