Few gay or lesbian parents conform to society's notion of what it means to be a proper dad or mom. Our kids can learn through our example how to resist gender role pressures as they find their own truest self-expression.
The default cultural belief is that children require a mother for healthy psychological development. What's a single gay father, or gay male couple, to do when encountering this notion? And how might this belief be operating in the gay father's own belief system, perhaps outside their awareness?
When we suspect homophobia at play in our children's lives, we're wise to share our suspicion with our kids rather than side-stepping an uncomfortable reality. It's part of empowering the children to face the world as it is, with all its blemishes.