The Problem With "Sex Positive"

Not all sex is positive.

Posted Sep 19, 2016

pixabay free image
Source: pixabay free image

In a culture awash in sexual openness, even therapists are starting to market themselves as "sex positive" to distinguish themselves from other therapists who might have strong views on how sex, pornography, and behaviors can negatively impact one's life.

What these "sex positive" therapists won't tell you is the real life consequences and harm pornography can have on people. Not only will they dismiss the notion of pornography addiction but will view those harboring those sentiments as prudish or trying to stifle one's sexual desires.

Yet a recent survey among young people is showing the disastrous impact porn culture is having on teens and intimacy.  

"A male high school student said to a girl: 'If you [give me oral sex] I’ll give you a kiss.' Girls are expected to provide sex acts for tokens of affection, and are coached through it by porn-taught boys. A 15-year-old girl said she didn’t enjoy sex at all, but that getting it out of the way quickly was the only way her boyfriend would stop pressuring her and watch a movie."

The notion of emotional intimacy as a building block to physical intimacy is ignored.  Girls are now taught to do things boys view in pornography as a gateway to dating.  Pornography in essence is molding and shaping the sexual behaviors of teenagers, particularly conditioning boys to seek gratification at any cost often leading to sexual bullying, harassment, and shaming.

"Girls and young women are under a lot of pressure to give boys and men what they want, to become a real life embodiment of what the boys have watched in porn, adopting exaggerated roles and behaviors and providing their bodies as mere sex aids. Growing up in today’s porn culture, girls quickly learn that they are service stations for male gratification and pleasure."

Another study found how boys viewing pornography are more likely to develop more sexually aggressive attitudes and behaviors.

"Adolescent consumption of internet porn was linked to attitudinal changes, including acceptance of male dominance and female submission as the primary sexual paradigm, with women viewed as “sexual playthings eager to fulfill male sexual desires.”

In short, all this to say that there are real lives harmed by pornography and despite all the "sex positive" messages you may hear from certain communities, you would be wise to listen to those impacted by sex in our society.

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