The 50-50 Practice

What is the one mindfulness practice that everyone can integrate into their lives? The 50-50 practice is what people consistently tell me they have integrated into their lives. That’s because it helps them keep their body in mind throughout the day as a touchstone, anchor, teacher, and guide, whatever they’re doing.

I’d like to introduce the 50-50 practice so that you can see for yourself the value of keeping your body in mind as you move through your day. You can follow along on my website or with these guidelines:

The 50-50 Practice

You give 50 percent of your attention to your body and 50 percent to whatever you’re doing. You might start by trying it when you’re talking to someone. As you are talking to this person, choose anywhere in the body that works for you, ideally somewhere that, in that moment, feels available to anchor your attention. This might be the sensations of contact between feet and floor, the sensations of sitting, the feel of the hands, or the sensations of breathing.

Now, alongside this, give 50 percent of your attention to the person you’re with and what they’re saying, not just their words but their nonverbal communication as well. See if you can keep track of these two parts of your awareness: what’s happening with the other person and what’s happening in your body. Your body is an anchor but also a teacher and a guide.

Try, as best you can, to hold in mind both whatever you’re doing and whatever is happening in the anchor in your body.

Here is Sophia, using the 50-50 practice in a call with her friend:

So, I called my friend to apologize for my thoughtless comment yesterday. As I was about to call, I felt quite uptight; my breathing was shallow, and I was clammy—I was nervous. I anchored myself in my feet and did some stretches, bringing her to mind, reminding myself how much I value her friendship and her happiness.

I decided to stay standing by the window, looking out at the trees in my garden, as I called. When she picked up, I felt an immediate connection—we’ve known each other since we were kids—and warmth spreading through me, even though there was still some fear in my chest. As we chatted, I tried to let go of my fear because that was all about me and see if I could apologize out of love.

She was, as ever, so gracious in accepting my apology—she had felt hurt—and I noticed the fear melting and the sense of love spreading through my torso, arms, hands, neck, and head. After the call, I had a sense of being like the trees I was looking at in my garden: rooted, strong, swaying, and unfazed in the breeze.

Sophia is using awareness of her body to help her stay grounded and present as she apologizes, deepening the friendship and learning from the experience. Notice that Sophia didn’t get fixed on whether her attention was divided evenly or using a particular anchor. The key is to have some sense of balance.

You’ll lose that balance, forget to do the practice, lose track of your intention to do it. Don’t worry about that either; the moment of knowing you are lost is part of the learning. That moment may take seconds or minutes, or it could be hours or even days or weeks!

Again, don’t worry: Your body isn’t going anywhere. It is always there, ready to come home to, to teach you, and to guide you.

How else could you use the 50-50 practice?

• When you go online—videoconferencing, checking social media, playing a game—try anchoring yourself in the 50-50 practice to see what you notice in your body and mind. Do you learn anything that changes this experience? Or that changes how much time you spend online and in what ways?
• When you transition from one activity to another or from one environment to another, what do you need in these moments?
• Are your relationships ever a source of stress, reactivity, or worry? Of course, they are. They are for everyone at various points in time. To find out how the 50-50 practice might illuminate what’s going on and what you could do about it, consider starting simply with someone with whom you have an easy relationship, doing something very neutral. What do you notice? Does it change how you are with this person? Then, maybe work up to more charged relationships, maybe a relationship with a colleague or friend that can be tricky or complicated situations, a difficult conversation, or even a conflict.

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I’d like to give Sophia the final word. Here, she is reflecting on how the 50-50 practice helped her in a moment early in her relationship with her new partner.

The first time my partner “caught me” eating peanut butter out of the jar, we were watching TV, and during a commercial break, I had gone into the kitchen for my snack. I looked over my shoulder at him, and in that moment, my body was powerfully telling me something: I felt this shrinking feeling of horror, shame, and being judged. I could have just swallowed it, but I took a moment and had a little word with myself—“In my own home, I can do as I please—eat what I like when I like how I like.”

We talked about it, and I realized he has a touch of OCD about hygiene—that was what his look was mostly about: his fear of germs. So now we have two peanut butter jars, his and hers. And understanding each other better helps us take care of each other better.

This post was excerpted from my book, Mindfulness for Life (Guilford Press, 2024).