Love and Money: How Financial Stress Affects Relationships

If you're like most Americans (84% according to a recent survey), you might know a thing or two about financial stress. The feelings of anxiety, instability, insecurity, or worry. And if you are a part of the 11.1% of Americans (that's approximately 36.8 million people) who fall below the poverty line of $15,852 a year, you might know a few more things.

One of those things you might know something about is that financial stress is hard on relationships. In fact, money issues are one of the most common reasons for divorce. A 2024 study conducted by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy found that 56% of couples argued about money (including spending habits, saving strategies, and the handling of debt) more than any other topic. Money is a symbol of many things: security, status, pride, confidence, fun, and adventure. Arguments about money often trigger deep emotional wounds, as partners’ beliefs about money can be deeply tied to their values, identity, and vision for the future. When these differences aren’t addressed, they can chip away at a marriage's foundation of trust and communication.

Financial stress impacts relationships by affecting communication. Several studies by Coger et al. have demonstrated that more financial stress in a relationship causes more frequent and intense arguments. When we are more stressed, we are more vulnerable to negative communication, which negatively impacts our relationships. Just like a bout of "hanger" can cause you to lose it on your partner, or you might be more likely to distance yourself when you're tired, our relationship communication suffers when we lack the internal and external resources to feel stable, safe, and secure in our lives. This creates a vicious cycle whereby financial stress affects relationships, and then relationship stress affects our mental health.

Financial stress may be inevitable, but it doesn't have to impact your relationship negatively if you are intentional about handling and communicating about your stress.

Tips to protect your relationship from financial stress

1. Build Self-Awareness Around Stress. Start to look inward at how financial stress impacts you. How do you feel when you are stressed about finances? Do you feel easily irritated, down in the dumps, or more anxious than usual? What are your feelings telling you that you need — are they connected to a need for more security, safety, pride, or fun in your life? Work to understand what you feel and what need this is connected to for you. Once you understand this, you can practice effective self-care strategies, including trying to meet your needs in more effective or attainable ways. For example, if you start to understand that your lack of financial stability affects your feeling of security in the world, you may try picking up a meditation practice to learn to focus on the here and now. While this won't bring in more money, it may make a difference in helping you feel more secure.
2. Communicate Openly. Open communication is the key to addressing financial issues before they escalate into major conflicts. Share with your partner about how you really feel about finances and what you find that you need for yourself. Rather than fighting each other, team up and ask your partner for help in the ways that they can help you. Setting clear financial goals, creating a budget together, and seeking financial counseling can help both partners align on their financial vision and reduce financial anxiety. Therapy can also help couples explore their attitudes toward money and improve their communication skills, which are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship despite financial stress.

While financial stress is one of the greatest challenges to modern relationships, it doesn’t have to be. By confronting money matters head-on, with transparency and mutual respect, couples can strengthen their bond and navigate financial challenges together. It's not the amount of money in the bank that determines the success of a marriage — it’s the way partners work together to face adversity and support one another through the ups and downs of life and money.