How Do You Handle Failure at Work?

Some degree of failure is inevitable. However, people respond differently to their own failure. Do any of these three styles of response to failure sound like you?

The Impunitive Style

When faced with failure, do you tend to react with anger or hurt? Do you get defensive, deny a role in what happened, or perhaps deny that failure even occurred? Do you slant information to avoid looking guilty, or come up with a laundry list of reasons for the failure that were outside of your control? Perhaps you try being nice with the hopes that others will overlook the failure or point their fingers elsewhere.

The Extrapunitive Style

Do you tend to blame others when things don’t go as planned? If that isn’t feasible, do you blame the person or group who assigned you the responsibility? Do you frequently expect failure to occur, and feel as though you will be unfairly blamed? Perhaps you appear to overreact when failure happens, and when others offer advice, it feels like criticism.

The Intropunitive Style

Are you your own worst critic, and perhaps take on more blame than is warranted? Do you frequently worry about being blamed, and perhaps let that worry slow down your progress? Perhaps because you tend to be so hard on yourself, others avoid criticizing you and sometimes try to talk you out of being so self-blaming. Or, perhaps others see you as an easy scapegoat.

Each of these three styles has its own personal costs. For example, people who demonstrate the impunitive style are frequently experienced as frustrating to work with. If this is your style, supervisors may conclude that you’re not mature enough to take personal responsibility or be open to self-improvement.

If you exhibit the extrapunitive style, it’s likely that colleagues don’t see you as a trusted team player, and perhaps instead as someone from whom they need to protect themselves. Similar to the impunitive style, the extapunitive style sends the message that you’re not able to take personal responsibility and that feedback will be unproductive due to your defensiveness.

Last, if you gravitate to the intropunitive style, your colleagues may feel as though they have to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering your self-blame. Perhaps they see you as unsure of yourself or lacking self-esteem. You miss out on the possibility of constructive feedback because others are afraid to hurt your feelings.

Moving Forward

If you exemplify any of these three types (or some blend of them) and see that they are not the most productive ways to handle failure, change is possible. It starts with self-awareness, and that begins with being honest with yourself. Reflect on instances in which you were associated with work that was not deemed successful. How did you react? How did those around you respond to your reaction?

If possible, seek feedback from those who know you best in a work context. Explain that you are trying to improve at how you handle instances of failure and that you would appreciate hearing their perspective based on what they’ve witnessed. You can expect that most people will be reluctant to respond candidly, since doing so risks a negative reaction, particularly if they have seen you respond defensively to criticism in the past. You have to be sincere and thereby convince your colleagues to risk sharing their views of you.

Next, take a hard look at whether your organization maintains a particular culture regarding responsibility and blame. What seems to be the norm with regard to expectations when it comes to taking responsibility and assigning blame? Do you work in a blame culture? I wrote previously on how to cope in a blame culture. Whatever the organizational culture, are you content to go along, or would you strive to live up to a different standard?

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Last, try new strategies. For one, when something goes wrong, or others are looking to assign blame, pause instead of reacting. Your first impulse is likely to act out your habitual style. Instead, ask yourself how you want others to perceive you. Be intentional in your response, rather than impulsive or reactive. Remain open to hearing what others are saying, and ask questions to better understand other people’s perspectives. Avoid using the words “blame” or “fault.” Instead, focus on specific actions and decisions that were made, and how each may have contributed to the outcome.

Rather than focusing on blame, try role modeling a solution-focused approach. How can the failure be remedied? What are the lessons to learn to help avoid similar results in the future?

Up to this point, I have focused on your style of handling failure, but there is value in understanding the styles if you are a supervisor, manager, or leader as well. This article could be shared with an individual or team as a way to broach conversation about responsibility, blame, and more productive ways to handle failure.

Failure is never fun or easy, and often brings out the worst in people. You can’t control other people’s actions and reactions, but you can learn to exemplify a mature response to failure, and in the process reap interpersonal and career benefits.