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Key points
- People frequently cite communication issues as the root cause of problems at work.
- Our human nature makes it likely that there will be differing interpretations of messages, whether verbal or written.
- Mastering communication involves recognizing and addressing this human tendency in ourselves and others.
When I survey or interview individuals or groups in an effort to learn what is causing some dysfunction at work, the word “communication” is a frequent response. One reason is that the term is so broad, meaning different things to each person. The other reason communication is frequently tagged as a problem is because of the way we are mentally wired to experience the world. Human nature strikes again!
What Goes Wrong?
Suppose you and a coworker are having a conversation. You are both exposed to identical “facts” in the sense of the same sound waves created as you speak. However, those sound waves are immediately interpreted as to what the words mean, the tone of delivery, and any assumed underlying or unspoken messages. Little gaps and cracks are automatically filled in based on what the listener assumes is true or intended.
All of us inherently assume that we are simply “listening” to what’s being said–not that we are inherently interpreting and altering the message at the same time. As a result, you and your coworker likely have at least slightly different interpretations, so the two of you are actually not starting out with the same experience of even the basic “facts” of the conversation.
We are also unaware of how our automatic interpretations are influenced by things other than what is being said. In the case of the work conversation, you and your coworker have different histories in general and in your relationship. Those experiences influence how the current conversation is interpreted. Are you hungry, stressed, or tired? What is your current mood? These are yet other factors that influence how we interpret and react to the current conversation.
We can see why the adage that the “message sent may not be the message received” is true, and sometimes even no message sent is interpreted as a message! The likelihood of inaccurate interpretation is often highest with text and email communication since those lack verbal tone, body language, and facial expressions to clarify what is meant by the words shared. When there is an interpersonal conflict, it frequently stems from some “miscommunication” (differing interpretation). So what can you do?
Master the Art of Communication
Armed with this focus on the interpretative nature of communication, you can help repair and prevent problems by proactively working to understand and clarify what the other person “heard.” We typically assume that others hear (interpret) what we intend and only realize that our assumption was wrong when there is a problem or conflict. The key is not to blame or argue about whose interpretation is “right” but to genuinely seek to understand what went into the other person’s interpretation as much as possible. How?
One approach is to play the role of an investigative reporter. Imagine your task is to create a report on what the other person heard and how it affected them. In this role, you are not sharing your interpretation or intention of the communication; simply focused on learning the other person’s. Of course, you will respond with your experience in hopes of repairing a miscommunication or preventing one from evolving based on the conversation that just occurred, but that is step two. What might the first step sound like? Here are a few examples:
Last week, we talked about X, and then there seemed to be some problem with Y. I’d like to understand better how you interpreted that conversation. For me, it’s not about blame but solving the issue and learning in the process.
I don’t know about you, but I tend to assume that what I mean or intend with a message is exactly how the other person interpreted it, which of course, isn’t always true. Would you mind summarizing what you are taking away from this conversation?
Let me stop for a minute to summarize what I think you are saying (or expecting, or meaning) so far.
I realize that these sample statements probably sound strange, which points out how rarely we focus on the interpretation of communication in a calm, inquisitive way. So, it is important to say these kinds of things in a pleasant way to help ensure that your request is well-received (interpreted positively as to meaning and intent).
Because of the importance of effective communication, I believe it is worth the effort. And like any skill, we get better with practice. Given several such interactions, you might just become known around work as the communication expert.
