4 Surprising Benefits of Not Paying for Your Child’s College

Should you be paying for your child’s college education? A 2022 survey found that 66 percent of parents with kids aged 16 to 18 planning to go to college are worried about paying for their child’s college education.

Some parents who have resources to pay for their children’s college elect to either foot the bill or have their child pay a portion of it. Other parents do not have money set aside for their child’s college education for various reasons. The costs of higher education have skyrocketed throughout time. According to the Education Data Initiative, after adjusting for inflation, tuition has increased 747.8 percent at a four-year college (in-state) since 1963. Furthermore, most recently, the cost of tuition at public four-year institutions increased 31.4 percent from 2010 to 2020.

Four Ways to Help Your Kids
There is a silver lining for parents who struggle with feelings of guilt or shame about having their children pay for their own college education. Hidden blessings include opportunities to promote:

1. Financial literacy: Sitting down with your child and explaining the cost of college and the money that needs to be raised to make it possible is a wonderful opportunity to teach the basics of money management, budgeting, saving, and goal setting. Be realistic and be upfront about what you can contribute to their college education. Doing so eliminates assumptions about what your financial contribution will be. If you aren't a single parent, be sure you and your partner are on the same page. Financial literacy is a skill that benefits your child throughout their lifetime. Children who don’t contribute to their college education may not have the impetus to learn these skills until later in life, if ever.
2. Responsibility: Many parents struggle with the entitlement of their teens and young adult children, who may expect everything handed to them on a silver platter. Putting some of the onus on your child to save for college is a way of handing over the baton of who is responsible for taking care of them. This handover of responsibility may gradually increase over time and is a part of healthy separation and individuation. At a time when many parents are dealing with kids who are failing to launch, giving your kid the motivation to take responsibility for part of their financial future and believing that they are capable is a step towards moving into adulthood.
3. Empowerment: Rather than saying, “Well, I guess you can’t go to college because we don’t have any money for it,” which might lead to feelings of victimization, showing kids that they can pave their way to their own success is empowering for them.
4. Strong Work Ethic: When kids contribute to paying for their education, it's an opportunity to see how hard work leads to financial reward and possibilities. Not only will it improve their career and financial trajectory, but they also can develop the mindset of a hard worker, which is something that will benefit them for a lifetime.

Tips on How Your Kids Can Take the Initiative to Save Money for College
One of my friend’s daughters started cleaning houses in her neighborhood during high school and saved $15K, and wrote about her entrepreneurial endeavors in her college essay. As a result, she received a significant merit scholarship and started a semester early. Her father is a financial planner and her mother is a business professional. Although her parents have financial means, they believe their kids should have some skin in the game in terms of paying for college.

A young client of mine whose parents could not afford to help with school worked 20 to 25 hours a week during high school and worked two full-time jobs during the summers while in college. He is one of the hardest working people I know. He takes great pride in being able to take care of himself.

My daughter, Celeste, pays a third of her college tuition with a merit scholarship to study chemical engineering at Tulane. She earns her spending money through her 30+ hour a week waitressing job during winter and summer breaks at Napolita Pizzeria in Wilmette, Illinois.

I’ve had other clients work their way through college during their adult lives, by doing well in their jobs and utilizing company benefits for college tuition reimbursement.

Source: AdobeStock/wavebreak3

There Is No One Path to Success
Some of my clients, friends, and family members never go to college and are enormously successful emotionally, relationally, and financially. There is no one right path to success. We are all dealt a different hand of hardships and blessings.

As parents, we want to do our best and teach our children that through the right action, hard work, ethics, and compassion, we can live with integrity. We can encourage our kids to listen to money podcasts and take personal finance courses.s Challenges like paying for higher education provide opportunities to give our children financial roots and wings to soar.