Why We Often Overspend While Treating Ourselves

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Are you having a bad day? Treat yourself. Are you feeling sad? Treat yourself. Are you having a good day? Treat yourself.

Why do so many of us indulge in lavish splurges that we later regret? As good as it feels to acknowledge that we deserve something special, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to go about it.

The Psychology Behind “Treat Yourself”

There are psychological reasons for overspending while treating ourselves. It has to do with power and control. Going shopping puts you back in the driver’s seat when something happens beyond your control.

Research also shows it can help with feelings of sadness. Sadness is associated with feeling helpless—not being able to control what is happening around us. A Journal of Consumer Psychology study found not only that shopping makes people immediately happier but also that making purchase decisions reduces lingering sadness. The study showed that the act of making shopping-related choices, which included rejecting what they didn’t like, made people happy.

In a study published in Psychological Science, researchers found that when people were sad, they were willing to pay up to 30 percent more for a product than if they were in a neutral mood. That’s called the “misery is not miserly” effect.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

There are more psychological reasons behind why treating yourself feels so good. It involves self-worth, self-love, and self-care. Unfortunately, many of us associate self-care with pampering or treating ourselves in a way that involves spending money, such as a shopping spree, spa trip, vacation, or dining out. However, in my book The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life, I share how proper self-care involves cultivating the following practices:

• Psychological: Self-compassion, self-affirmation, self-forgiveness, and growth and learning
• Physical: Nutrition, hydration, exercise, sleep, health care, and moderation of substance use
• Lifestyle: Time management, work-life balance, leisure/hobbies, solitude/reflection, unplugging from technology, connecting with nature, and a positive home environment

In our consumer-based and materialistic culture, we often look outside ourselves to find something to make us feel better. That could be food, drugs or alcohol, relationships, or material possessions. However, the best way to provide the most meaningful self-care is to improve our relationship with ourselves and treat ourselves with more loving kindness. True self-worth stems from a deeper connection to our highest and best selves, not possessions.

How to Treat Yourself Within Your Means

The following tips show you how to manage spending habits when you’re splurging or treating yourself:

• Use the 50-30-20 rule. Track and divide expenses into needs, wants, and savings or debt. It’s a simple way to see where your money is going. Allocate 50 percent of your income to rent, bills, and groceries. Take 30 percent for more frivolous items like dining out or buying wants, not needs. The other 20 percent goes to your savings or debt.
• Splurge intentionally. Don’t splurge on everything. Instead, splurge on certain aspects of your life. For example, you can make sacrifices like driving an older vehicle that’s paid off to compensate for splurges like going on vacation or going out to concerts.
• Take a good look at what you’ve got. You can sell what you don’t use or wear anymore online or at a consignment store. Return items you’ve purchased that gave you a thrill when you bought them but now have lost their luster. Look at your monthly bills to find areas where you could cut back.
• Shift to a mindset of self-care, balance, and holistic wellness. Many men are raised and socialized with a “work hard, play hard” mindset that can lead to clinical burnout and other mental, physical, and relational health problems. Excessive drinking, late nights out, and calorie-laden meals can be self-harm disguised as self-care. Shift this mindset to one of true self-care, moderation, and work-life balance. When men (and women) take time to replenish their minds, bodies, and spirits with healthy self-care practices, they are practicing true self-care that can lead to better mental and physical health and better work performance which improves financial health.
• Redefine success. Some people think success is about career and financial achievement alone. I recommend a holistic definition of success that includes positive mental and physical health, connected relationships, and work-life balance.
• Be mindful. Mindfulness can help clarify values and recognize what is meaningful, thereby reducing impulsive financial behavior, such as charging frivolous items on credit. Mindfulness practices provide a reboot for the mind, body, and spirit. Besides that, there are many mental health, physical health, and work benefits. That includes higher productivity, fewer errors, creative thinking, improved problem-solving and collaboration, higher emotional intelligence, and improved work-life balance.
• Save your money. There are psychological perks to saving your money. It can also be therapeutic if you save for that reward rather than buying something immediately with a credit card. Saving up for your reward gives you something to look forward to, which creates excitement and dopamine release over time.

Summing Up

When you care about yourself and practice good financial self-care, you make sure there is a healthy balance between saving and spending, you treat yourself within your means, and you financially plan to take good care of your future self.