Well-Being: Be Your Own Superhero

The lull between Valentine’s and St. Patrick’s Day can often feel long, gray, and boring. The holidays are behind us, the spring flowers haven’t yet arrived, and we can only daydream about our summer vacation. However, the absence of a formal holiday allows us to create a personalized self-care holiday. Rather than living up to external standards for how to celebrate or trying to please others, we can address our own needs. This doesn’t have to be a time intensive, expensive effort, but it does need to be intentional. The first step is to figure out what we need to feel more balanced.

If you typically spend your days interacting with lots of people, you might need some solitude. Conversely, if you spend a lot of time alone, you could plan a social activity. When your job is physically active, you could plan a relaxing event, but if you spend your days on a computer, you might want to do something with a tangible outcome. If you never have time to cook, you could prepare a favorite meal, and if you hate cooking, you might order your favorite takeout, set the table as though people were coming over, and watch your favorite movie.

Once you figure out what you want to do, you can mindfully make plans. Rushing to relax is counterproductive, and exhausting yourself to make things perfect obviates the goal of doing something positive for yourself. Whether you decide to spend an evening, a day, or a weekend caring for yourself, it is important to put it on your schedule as a priority, not a possibility. For many of us, this is difficult because it feels selfish.

Stepping away without guilt
We live in an achievement-oriented world where the goal is to be as successful as you can while making it look easy. When thinking about self-care, we often fear that we will fall behind, let other people down, or be perceived as lazy. The reality is that failing to take care of the self also incurs a cost. Burnout, depression, cynicism, and poor health hurt well-being and impair the ability to do things well and to interact effectively with the people around us. Whether you would like to plan a faux cruise day by sleeping in, eating pre-chopped fruit, watching movies with an ocean theme and sitting in your bathtub, a visit to a favorite nature setting with a picnic, or gathering with friends to watch sports, talk about books or do your nails you have to permit yourself to step away from your daily activities without guilt.

It's also important to avoid the trap of worrying about what other people will think of your plan. The point is not to impress them but rather to do something you find nurturing. I live in Texas, where the summers are hot and the bugs are big. I had a friend who used to put the kids to bed and then go in the backyard in her bathing suit and lie submerged in their wading pool, watching the stars. Not glamorous, but awfully peaceful. Another option would be to do something for yourself that you wish someone else had done. If, for example, you didn’t receive the Valentine’s gift you had hoped for, you could buy yourself the exact flowers or candy you wanted or go to the restaurant or movie you would have liked to see. Reminding yourself that you don’t have to wait for others to validate you can be empowering.

In addition to engaging in self-care, you may want to think about practicing self-compassion. Kristen Neff, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, argues that when we are kind to ourselves rather than critical, recognize our common humanity, and approach our emotions mindfully rather than avoiding or over-identifying with them, it can be life-changing. If you find yourself saying things to yourself that you would never say to a friend, it might be time to change your internal narrative. Recognizing that we are all human can be freeing because it reinforces the fact that our mistakes aren’t a sign of deep personal shame and failure but rather a part of living. Sometimes, simply slowing down and mindfully enjoying the things around us is a form of self-compassion. The house might be a mess, but the flowers on the deck are just starting to bloom, walking the dog makes us both happy, and the smell of chili on the stove is comforting. In a world based on forward movement, it can be difficult and rewarding to stay focused on the present.

Maintaining your balance in our demanding information-rich, rapidly changing world takes effort. While it is tempting to wish for a superhero or soulmate to swoop in to help us cope, taking care of ourselves can be surprisingly rewarding. It can make us feel better about ourselves and our lives and improve our interactions with the people around us. Isn’t that what we all want?