Fixing Isn’t Healing: Self-Acceptance Is

Co-authored with Jena Kenny, licensed clinical social worker and qualified supervisor (LCSW-QS), certified intuitive eating counselor (CIEC), and an eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)-trained therapist.

Source: Moe Magners / Pexels

Healing from trauma, body dissatisfaction, or even eating disorders is often framed as a process of fixing or overcoming. Yet, true healing is not about erasing pain or becoming someone new; it’s about returning to yourself. At the core of this journey is self-acceptance, a vital yet often overlooked foundation for deep and lasting healing as well as mental wellness (Tibubos, 2019).

Self-acceptance is defined as an individual's acceptance of all of their attributes, positive or negative (Morgado et al., 2014). Though there’s not a lot of research on self-acceptance, using what does exist as well as observations from the therapy room reveals that achieving more self-acceptance can

• Reduce shame and self-blame
• Integrate fragmented parts of the self
• Support nervous system regulation
• Allow for authentic connection with others
• Shift the healing process from “fixing” to “allowing”

Self-acceptance can reduce shame and self-blame

Trauma and disordered eating frequently fuel deep-rooted shame. Many individuals blame themselves for their experiences, their emotions, or even their body's perceived imperfections. Self-acceptance shifts the focus from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What happened to me?”—a crucial reframe that fosters healing rather than self-punishment.

Self-acceptance can integrate fragmented parts of the self

Many people with trauma or eating disorders feel internally divided—one part longs for healing while another clings to familiar coping mechanisms. Self-acceptance allows all parts of the self to be acknowledged, validated, and ultimately integrated, bringing about internal harmony over ongoing conflict.

Self-acceptance can support nervous system regulation

Chronic self-criticism, which is common after trauma (Cox et al., 2024) and during episodes of eating disorders (Williams & Levinson, 2022), keeps the nervous system in a heightened state of stress, perpetuating cycles of hypervigilance (e.g., obsessing over food and body) or hypoarousal (e.g., emotional numbing, dissociation). Self-acceptance creates a sense of safety in the body, which is essential for regulating the nervous system and breaking these harmful cycles.

Self-acceptance can provide for authentic connection with others

Many individuals with trauma or eating disorders struggle to be authentic in relationships, fearing rejection or judgment. Self-acceptance promotes ego-syntonic alignment, allowing a person to live in harmony with their values, emotions, and identity instead of feeling at odds with themselves. This internal congruence enables deeper, more fulfilling connections with others, diminishing the need for external validation through appearance, perfectionism, or people-pleasing.

Self-acceptance can shift the healing process from “fixing” to “allowing”

Many individuals approach healing with the belief that they must “fix” themselves before they can be worthy of self-compassion. Self-acceptance allows healing by creating space for imperfection, emotional exploration, and self-kindness. True healing is not about achieving an idealized version of oneself but, rather, embracing the full complexity of who one is—who you are.

Bridging the conversation

When it comes to self-acceptance, people often express an overarching concern: that it prevents a person from dealing with challenges and pursuing the self-improvement they desire. That is all-or-nothing/binary thinking, a common cognitive distortion. Self-acceptance is not about ignoring pain or denying struggles; it is about embracing all parts of oneself while allowing space for healing and growth. Self-acceptance is a powerful tool in healing trauma, addressing body image issues, and overcoming disordered eating. It creates a foundation of safety, compassion, and integration for the wounded parts of the self.

Here are two examples. Experiencing trauma or an eating disorder fuels shame and self-judgment. That leaves people feeling fragmented, ashamed, or disconnected from their bodies and emotions. (Anyone who has experienced either likely deeply understands and identifies with this phenomenon.) Negative body image typically makes individuals susceptible to disordered eating, which is rooted in ignoring or suppressing innate body cues. Both deal with separating ourselves inside. When self-acceptance is cultivated—that meeting, identifying, not judging, and then welcoming of all parts—it allows for a more compassionate and integrated relationship with oneself, making self-acceptance essential for reclaiming a sense of wholeness.

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3 ways to increase your self-acceptance

If you are working on your own healing from trauma, eating or body image issues, or something else that has disconnected you from your wholeness, here’s some potential support:

1. Build your awareness and hold space for the many parts within you. For example, you know when you are having two big feelings that might even conflict (e.g., scared and excited at the same time)? Or when you notice part of you feels confident, even cocky, while another feels terrified of being judged? Yes. Just notice. Don’t judge. Metaphorically, shake hands with and welcome the parts you notice.
2. Get curious about yourself and those parts, facets, aspects (whatever you feel is the appropriate name for them). For example, in the above example, what is the “cocky” connecting to? Why is it showing up? Is it protecting you? Reassuring you? Is it your own drill sergeant telling you to “fake it ‘til you make it?” If so, why? Just notice.
3. Bring in self-compassion to meet your growing awareness of self. In an oversimplified description, self-compassion boils down to giving yourself the same grace—treating yourself with the same compassion—as you would someone you love dearly.

Research shows that self-compassion—a crucial part of self-acceptance—significantly contributes to trauma recovery. A recent study revealed that individuals with high levels of both posttraumatic stress (PTS) and self-compassion experienced notably greater posttraumatic growth (PTG) than those with lower self-compassion (Adonis et al., 2025). These findings indicate that nurturing self-compassion can improve emotional resilience and promote personal growth after traumatic experiences.

Final thought

As you might notice, the words recover, recovered, or recovery are not used in this article. Similar to the concepts of self-esteem (good/bad or poor/high) and body positivity (which is represented as a state of body adoration and love—often shown as euphoric on social media), the term “recovery” implies something similar—suggesting there’s a “good enough” standard to be achieved, a right or wrong way. No, that’s not how healing works. Making positive change or repairing from pain tends to be an ongoing, personal journey. Self-acceptance enables an individualized healing process rather than a “right or wrong” approach.

This article is for informational purposes only and does not provide therapy or professional advice.