July 2020 magazine cover

At a Loss

Grief has always been a difficult emotion in America, and the COVID crisis throws into bold relief what happens when grief has—quite literally—nowhere to go. The evidence suggests that most people summon strength and powers of reflection that far surpass their own expectations.

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From Me-First to We-First

Beyond Relationship Conflict

Russell B. Lemle Ph.D.

How Threat Emotions Cause Us to Misread Our Partner

Whenever we’re anxious or angry, we’re prone to misread our partner. By learning to recognize how emotions shape perceptions, we can restore connection.

How Being Entitled to Our Way - Gets in the Way

Why do relationship differences spiral into conflict? Too often, it’s because we claim we’re entitled to our preference, i.e. we should get our way, even without our partner’s buy-in, because our justification has greater weight and relevance. Here are the 15 entitlements at the root of relationship friction, and suggested alternatives that build mutual respect.

From Me-First to We-First

Beyond Relationship Conflict

Russell B. Lemle, Ph.D., is Clinical Professor, UC San Francisco, and Senior Policy Analyst for the Veterans Healthcare Policy Institute. In his private practice, he exclusively sees couples.

About From Me-First to We-First

Why do relationship differences wind up in heated disagreement? Invariably, it’s because partners claim they’re entitled to their own preference, i.e. they should get their way, even without their partner’s buy-in, because their justification has greater weight and relevance. “How Being Entitled to Our Way - Gets in the Way” reviews the 15 most commonly used entitlements, how they unavoidably lead to conflict, and alternative approaches for making mutually satisfying decisions.