5 Simple Skills to Calm Irritability

My family usually knows when I am in a bad mood because I get snippy in my responses. They can’t see what is going on internally—for example, that I'm hungry because I haven’t gotten the chance to eat a proper meal all day. Or how an upsetting thought in the back of my mind has been nagging me like a rock in my shoe. Or that I’m filled with dread about an appointment I have coming up tomorrow morning. They may not know that I just spent 10 minutes trying to fish under the driver’s seat of the car for my phone, which slid out of reach for the third time this week. All they know is that I seem irritable and am liable to lash out at any moment.

What Is Irritability?

Irritability has not always been clearly defined as a psychological concept in the research literature. However, it is generally seen as a state of reduced emotion control, or having a lower threshold for responding to negative events in one’s environment. It may involve being particularly prone to annoyance or anger. When we are irritable, others can experience us as being unpredictable and may start to gingerly tiptoe around us. The experience of being irritable can feel something akin to being grumpy, on edge, or frustrated.

Irritability is considered a normal state that nearly everyone experiences periodically. However, pervasive irritability can also be a symptom of a mental health disorder. Severe irritability is associated with mental health impairment, and irritability is included as a symptom of 15 different mental health diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5). If irritability is bothering you most days or causing significant impairment in your life, it may be helpful to be evaluated by a mental health provider for issues such as depression, anxiety, or posttraumatic stress disorder.

How to Reduce Irritability

When we feel irritable, it can be tempting to either lash out or withdraw completely. The former risks alienating other people, and the latter risks alienating ourselves. Both can be damaging to relationships and to our self-esteem in the long run. Instead, try these five skills based on dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to stay mindful and effective when irritability strikes.

1. Label the irritability. When I am grumpy, I often find myself huffing and puffing around the house, ensuring that everyone around me knows just how annoyed I am. Sometimes, just taking a pause and acknowledging how irritable I feel can make me chuckle at myself and soften my mood. Labeling irritability can also help us know how to proceed wisely (such as by engaging in one of the following steps). It can be helpful to remember that all emotional states eventually fade, so the irritability will not last forever.
2. Check whether your thoughts are contributing to your irritability. Our thoughts influence our emotional state. If your current thoughts are extreme or particularly rigid, they may be generating your irritable mood. If you are catastrophizing or oversimplifying a situation (e.g. “No one in my family ever appreciates anything that I do for them”), identify what a more realistic, balanced thought might be (e.g. “I’m hurt that no one thanked me for making breakfast this morning, but I know my family ultimately loves me”).
3. Address your physical needs. We are more vulnerable to negative moods and emotions when we are hungry, thirsty, tired, sluggish, or in pain. Taking care of your body’s daily needs can prevent irritability from developing and also alleviate it when it crops up. Make sure you are properly hydrated and eat nutritionally balanced meals. Make behavioral changes to get better sleep. Get regular exercise if you are able to—even a 15-20 minute walk can improve your energy levels throughout the day.
4. Practice a relaxation exercise. You can shift your body out of a stress response by engaging in certain relaxation exercises. Paced breathing can be an effective tool—focus for a five-minute period on taking a normal inhale, then slowing down each exhale. Progressive muscle relaxation is another exercise that achieves a deep level of relaxation. It involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in succession.
5. Do something nice for yourself. It is easy to become irritable when we aren’t accumulating any positives throughout the day. Our attention goes to the negative, which worsens our mood and primes us to notice the negative even further. We can disrupt irritability by engaging in a pleasant activity (check out this list if you can’t think of what to do). In fact, regularly participating in enjoyable activities can help prevent irritability and other types of negative moods.

Irritability is often unpleasant for the person feeling it and for the people around them. If you have been struggling with irritability, try these five practices for a week and take note of which ones seem to help. For a particularly strong bout, one skill may not cut it—combine multiple or even all five for maximum benefit.

Facebook image: Nicoleta Ionescu/Shutterstock

LinkedIn image: fizkes/Shutterstock