Tips to Manage Memory in Dementia

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In prior posts, we’ve emphasized managing safety, wandering, false memories, and straightforward communication. Here are a few more tips to help memory problems.

Make people and places more familiar

As your loved one’s memory becomes progressively impaired by dementia, they will usually remember less from the recent past and more from the distant past. They may only recall things from decades earlier—perhaps from their early adult life or even their childhood. For this reason, it is usually comforting for them to be in a place that has some familiar things from the past, such as: photographs, art, and other decorations that may have been in the house they grew up in, furniture from that time period, and even music that they enjoyed as young adults. You can work to include some familiar decorations, furniture, and music in their current home.

Similarly, your loved one is more likely to recognize people who look, dress, and wear their hair similarly to how they did in the past, compared with people who look very different today. If your loved one is having difficulty recognizing you (or another family member or close friend), you might try to dress and appear the way you did many years ago—it might help and there is no harm in trying!

Example:

I came home from the hairdresser the other day and, when I said “Hello,” he asked me who I was and what I was doing in his house. At first, I thought he was joking, but he really didn’t recognize me. How can I help him to recognize me?

• The first thing to do is to relax and remember it’s the dementia that is causing the problem. Confirm that he recognizes you in old pictures. If you look more similar to how you appeared in the old pictures—which may require a change in hairstyle or clothing—he is more likely to recognize you.

Stop them from shadowing

The first thing to note about shadowing—your loved one following you around like your shadow—is that it isn’t a terrible thing. There is nothing wrong with your loved one wanting to be with you. Having said that, there may be times when you have an appointment or just need a little time for yourself. In addition to having someone else spend time with your loved one, other strategies that may work include redirecting them to an activity that they can do on their own, giving them a picture of you that they can look at and keep with them, and having them spend time with a household pet or even a stuffed animal. In fact, there are a number of studies that show spending time with either real pets or robotic stuffed animals can benefit individuals with dementia, including keeping them calm with less need for medications.

Use technology

We live in an age where new technological products, phone applications, and websites are being produced at a dizzying rate. Many of these innovations are being developed with seniors in mind, and many others that are designed for everyone may still be useful for a problem that you and your loved one are dealing with. It never hurts to search the internet for technological solutions to any problem that you are finding challenging to solve.

Reminding people they have memory problems is usually not helpful

Lastly, it is very common for people with dementia to literally forget that they cannot remember things or that they have dementia. Most people who are in the moderate stage of dementia either don’t think that they have any memory problems or believe that their memory is just a bit impaired. In general, it isn’t useful to remind people that they have dementia—it usually just makes them sad or they may argue with you. We recommend trying to avoid this topic altogether. There are, however, a few times that it may be helpful to point out that they are having a bit of trouble with their memory, such as when you are explaining to them why you are now using a pill box or have taken the knobs off the stove or no longer allow them to drive.

In these situations, we usually recommend just reminding them that they have had some trouble managing these activities, rather than reminding them about their specific diagnosis. Having said that, there are some individuals who will be more accepting of help if they are reminded that they have a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. You may need to try out different explanations of why they need help and see which are most effective for your loved one. Using the ABCs (i.e., examining the antecedent, the behavior, and the consequence to better understand the purpose of a given difficult behavior) can be particularly helpful here in deciding how to respond (part 1, part 2).

© Andrew E. Budson, MD, 2024, all rights reserved.