Love and Sex in Wartime: How News of War Impacts Intimacy

When war dominates the news cycle–or touches our lives directly–it rarely stays confined to politics and geopolitics. It enters our bodies, our thoughts, and our relationships.

Many people notice strange or confusing shifts during times of war or collective threat, even when they are not living in an active conflict zone. Intrusive images of conflict or violence on the news can appear unexpectedly. Some people even feel their sexual desire disappear entirely. Others notice the opposite: a sudden longing for closeness, sex, or physical comfort. Still, others feel guilt for wanting pleasure while others are suffering.

If you are experiencing these reactions, you are not alone; they are well documented in psychological research on intimacy during times of conflict.

When War Enters the Bedroom

Exposure to war–whether direct, through loved ones, or through constant media or news coverage–activates stress responses designed for survival. This includes heightened vigilance, intrusive imagery, and rumination about threat.

Recent research by Lazar and colleagues (2024) studying civilians during the 2023 Israel-Hamas war found that exposure to war-related stress–both direct and through the media–was associated with increased psychological distress and disruptions in sexual well-being. Interestingly, media exposure alone was significantly correlated with desire, arousal, lubrication and erection, orgasm, orgasm satisfaction, premature (early) ejaculation, sexual satisfaction and sexual distress.

It appears that the brain processes even indirect exposure (i.e., media coverage) to war as danger or threat, and stress reshapes how we think, feel, and connect. These reactions are part of the same stress response that keeps us alert to potential threats.

Why Sexual Desire Often Changes During Wartime

One of the most striking findings from research on sexuality during wartime is that desire does not move in a single direction. In research by Lazar and colleagues (2024), responses varied widely: Some individuals maintained stable sexual well-being, others experienced distress that later improved, and some even reported increases in desire.

For many people, stress hormones, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion can suppress sexual desire and impair sexual functioning. Yet others experience the opposite response—a heightened desire for physical closeness and intimacy. In these cases, sex can function as a powerful coping mechanism, helping reduce stress, restore a sense of connection, and reaffirm life in the face of mortality.

This diversity of responses is important. There is no single “correct” reaction to living through conflict, and shifts in desire in either direction are common human responses to extraordinary stress.

The Survival Paradox of Intimacy

From an evolutionary perspective, this paradox makes sense. Threat activates two competing drives:

• Self-protection
• Affiliation

In times of danger, humans often seek closeness. Physical intimacy can signal safety, belonging, and continuity. It reminds us that life–and love–continues even under threat.

This is why couples sometimes report stronger attachment during crises, even while other parts of life feel unstable.

At the same time, the nervous system can become dysregulated, making emotional connection harder. Partners may misinterpret each other’s reactions: One person withdraws while the other seeks closeness. Neither response is wrong. They are simply different ways of regulating fear.

Intrusive Thoughts During Intimacy

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When Arousal Isn’t Desire

One of the experiences people rarely talk about openly is the way intrusive war imagery can enter moments that are supposed to feel safe or pleasurable. Someone might notice:

• sudden images of violence during sex
• difficulty staying mentally present
• feeling emotionally numb during intimacy
• guilt for experiencing pleasure while others suffer

This is not a sign that something is wrong with you. The brain’s threat detection system does not turn off simply because we are trying to relax or connect. When the environment feels unsafe–even indirectly through media exposure–the mind can remain partially in “survival mode.”

The Guilt of Pleasure

The experience of feeling guilt during a moment of pleasure might bring about a sense of moral conflict. You might think:

• How can I want sex when people are suffering?
• Is it selfish to enjoy intimacy right now?

But human history tells a different story. Throughout wars, natural disasters, and collective crises, people continue to fall in love, form relationships, and seek closeness. These are not signs of moral failure; they are signs of humanity. Pleasure, connection, and intimacy are part of how we metabolize fear and grief.

What Helps Couples During Times of Conflict

Research on stress and relationships suggests a few things that can help couples protect intimacy during periods of collective threat:

• Limit exposure to distressing media. War imagery repeatedly activates the stress response. Lazar et al. (2024) suggest limiting or moderating exposure to news about war.

• Talk about the emotional impact. Partners often assume they should be “strong,” but sharing fear and uncertainty can strengthen emotional bonds.

• Normalize different desire patterns. One partner may want closeness while the other needs space. Framing this as stress regulation, and not rejection, can reduce conflict.

• Focus on non-sexual touch. Holding hands, cuddling, or sitting close can restore safety in the nervous system without pressure.

Love as a Form of Resilience

War disrupts societies, but it rarely extinguishes intimacy. The old phrase “love and war” captures something deeply human: Even in the midst of conflict, people continue to seek closeness, comfort, and connection with one another.

In fact, research suggests that many people show surprising resilience in their intimate lives during times of collective threat. Even when sexual functioning or desire temporarily declines under stress, relationship satisfaction and emotional connection can partially recover as individuals and couples adapt to ongoing uncertainty.

Love and sex during wartime are not contradictions. Rather, they remind us of what conflict threatens–and what humans instinctively try to protect. Even in the presence of fear, the desire for closeness persists. And sometimes, that desire for connection is exactly what helps people endure and survive.