Understanding the world as it really is—random—can liberate and empower us.
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Building strong relationships from separate realities
James L Creighton Ph.D.
Are you afraid of conflict? Does it threaten you when there are other emotional realities than yours? Being exposed to other realities is a way of learning about your own.
Do you ever feel like you become a different person during an argument? Or is the person you are fighting with not the same person with whom you began the fight?
Is your self-talk all negative? Reprogram your self-talk to open up new parts of your self.
Your life story is just that: a story. The stories you choose communicate the frame within which you view your life. Changing your life story may open up new possibilities.
Do you find yourself in the same old fights, year after year? It's time for you and your partner to change your frames.
Arguments about child-reading, spending money, or even sex are usually arguments about values. And those are some of the most difficult to resolve.
When a fight is over, there are still practical problems to solve. How can you find mutual agreement without starting the fight all over again?
Learn to identify behaviors that make fights escalate. Set rules to protect the relationship even when in conflict.
Resistance breeds resistance. Learn listening skills that communicate acceptance even when there is disagreement,
Here are basic skills and approaches to resolve differences with your loved one. How can you send feelings in a way that reduces defensiveness and helps you gain insight?
Each of us has a "separate reality." This is a reason we fight so much, but fights based on separate realities are particularly hard to resolve.
James Creighton, Ph.D., is a psychologist and relationship consultant who has worked with couples and conducted communications training for nearly 50 years.