“I’m Coming to the Cottage” as a Call for Intimacy

Source: Sabrina Lantos/Courtesy of HBO Max

This post will discuss plot points from Heated Rivalry and season four of Bridgerton. If you haven't seen them, you may want to watch them first.

Romance fans have become obsessed with one phrase: “I’m coming to the cottage.” From Heated Rivalry to Bridgerton, secluded summer homes have become the emotional epicenter of blockbuster TV love stories.

In case you’re not one of the millions of people who watch these shows, here’s the background: In Heated Rivalry, one of the hockey-player protagonists, Ilya Rozanov (Connor Storrie), calls his long-time lover, Shane Hollander (Hudson Williams), and declares his intent to visit him over the summer at his lakefront getaway. The sentence, “I’m coming to the cottage,” has become a joy-inducing rallying cry of commitment. Merchandise has been created, people are changing their Zoom backgrounds to the summer home, and songs are being remixed with “I’m coming to the cottage” playing on repeat.

Then, to our collective surprise and delight, season four of Bridgerton included an impromptu romantic interlude between Benedict Bridgerton (Luke Thompson) and Sophie Baek (Yerin Ha), at a summer home called (you won’t believe this) “My Cottage.” Fans of both shows were elated to see another cottage provide a setting for romance to blossom.

Source: Liam Daniel/Courtesy of Netflix

Both shows feature forbidden love, secret trysts, explicit sex scenes, and deeply intimate connections that build over time. It’s no surprise that viewers have devoured these shows with enthusiasm given society’s general proclivity towards romance stories; romance novels are the top-selling fiction genre, after all. But why does this setting feel so powerful? If we look at what the cottages represent and the purpose they serve, we can understand why people are hopeful to find their own cottage-based romance.

Cottages Are a Liminal Space

Just like being on vacation someplace where life’s routines and rules need not apply, the cottages in these shows are protected spacse away from the demands and judgments of society. Within these secluded homes, forbidden love can flourish. Ilya and Shane are finally able to be openly affectionate without fear of being caught or condensing their time into a few hours in a hotel room. Benedict and Sophie, usually kept apart by their very different positions in society—Sophie is a maid and Benedict a lord—break all the rules by casually spending time together, uninhibited by the usual dictates that would govern their interactions.

In public settings or their usual environment, these connections would never be able to flourish. Rules and judgments would limit their ability to relax, be vulnerable, and get close. The couples needed a neutral ground where they could truly be themselves and allow emotional intimacy to deepen, and the cottages provided that.

Cottages Offer Privacy

Humans, as innately social and curious animals, tend to get into each other’s business. We want to know the details of every conversation, which leaves little room for people to develop and assess their relationships without a great deal of outside noise interfering and possibly swaying them. Indeed, Ilya and Shane have no shortage of people commenting on the other—whether remarks are from other hockey players or parents—just as Benedict and Sophie are given constant advice from family and friends about how to pursue love. And while guidance and opinions are generally well-intended, they can also confuse and control.

These characters live highly observed lives. As famous hockey players, Ilya and Shane can’t do anything publicly without it being documented, and Benedict, as the season’s most eligible bachelor, cannot escape the watchful eyes of eager debutants and their mothers. These characters cannot quietly walk through life with the space and peace to make their own decisions.

Not so at the cottages. There, they can exist without being evaluated. Their actions and words aren’t logged or judged. They can be free from performing and, instead, be authentically themselves as they explore and strengthen their connections.

Cottages Invite Us to Slow Down

Despite the overwhelming evidence that being in nature is good for our nervous systems and happiness, we often don’t spend much time there. Instead, we’re caught in the daily grind, the never-ending to-do list, the many screens that demand our attention. For Shane and Ilya, it’s the constant practices, games, and media appearances. For Benedict, it’s the strains of being in society (although he dodges these expectations as much as possible) and for Sophie, it’s the endless chores of being a household maid. They are busy, always moving, always performing.

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At the cottages, the characters aren’t distracted or working; they’re swimming and playing outside. Even watching characters on television escape to a serene cottage embedded in nature encourages a deep exhale.

Further, relationships are often strengthened through play. Our ability to play depends on feeling safe, having the time, letting go of self-consciousness, and permitting oneself to be unproductive. But playing as an adult—being silly or carefree—increases oxytocin and builds a sense of trust and safety. Only at the cottages did they have the space and freedom to do so.

Takeaway: Find Your Cottage

Not all of us are famous athletes or live with generational wealth, and so maybe we can't buy an amazing, secluded cottage to retreat to when life feels too much. However, you don’t need to own an idyllic getaway to gain the benefits of going to a cottage: Go for walks around your neighborhood whenever you can. Touch a tree. Put the work (and screens) away and play with your partner. Prioritize vacations, even short ones that fit into a weekend. Take intentional breaks from social media—a place where judgment thrives—and allow yourself the space to exist without evaluation.

Intimacy doesn’t grow when there is constant surveillance, performance, and depleted attention. It grows in protected spaces where we can breathe, play, and be fully seen.