Why We’re All Obsessed With ‘Heated Rivalry'

'Heated Rivalry'

Source: Courtesy of HBO Max

Spoiler Alert: This post will discuss major plot points from Heated Rivalry. If you haven’t seen it, you may want to watch it first and read this afterward.

Unless you’ve gone into full hibernation mode this winter, you’re aware of how the Canadian hockey romance series Heated Rivalry has taken over the internet. A classic love story arc, two closeted (rival) hockey players find love with each other and must figure out how to be true to their hearts while keeping their sexual orientation a secret.

There are countless such stories. So why are people so obsessed with this one?

We love this show because it is a reprieve from modern dating. Let me explain.

Romantic Relationships Get Defined

Any single person knows that the struggle of dating involves perpetually undefined relationships. Emotional detachment has been embedded in modern dating, from the language we use to the (loose, barely existent) script that guides how people enter romantic relationships. Even saying “dating” feels like a commitment. Instead, people “talk” when they’re first getting to know each other; they “go out,” but they don’t “go on a date.”

This show highlights the long, murky, painful process of modern dating. Even couples with incredible chemistry and desire for closeness struggle with emotional intimacy and commitment. Why are we so scared of expressing our true feelings or asking for what we need? Whenever Shane (Hudson Williams) attempts this, he is often dismissed and shut down by Ilya (Connor Storrie). Having and sharing feelings or a desire for clarity or commitment is so often perceived as needy, desperate, or overwhelming, even for these two hockey players whose romance spanned years.

It’s a scary landscape, modern dating. While there is obvious value in going slow with new relationships, allowing trust and emotional intimacy to build over time, there’s also value in honestly expressing feelings and taking incremental steps of commitment. People feel trapped by situationships (undefined, non-committal relationships that drag on without advancing meaningfully), and are urgently desirous of partnerships that have clarity, open communication, and progressing closeness.

And in this show, we finally get that. We see two men, hesitant and unsure, finally proclaim their feelings and embrace a deep attachment, something many viewers are longing for in their own lives, too.

The Sex Is Great

The U.S. is in a sex recession. Whereas 55 percent of adults (ages 18-64) reported having sex weekly in 1990, that number has dropped to 33 percent in recent years. Young adults aged 18-24 are particularly impacted. From 2020-2024, 24 percent of this group reported having no sex in the past month, which is double the number that reported sexlessness before 2010. Married people are having less sex, single people are having less sex, and each younger generation shows a trend of less sex.

In this sex-starved society, it makes sense that people are seeking the thrill and closeness of intimacy in other ways. They’re not getting this experience in real life, but they can enjoy it through books or television. This probably explains the booming popularity of romance novels (the top-selling fiction genre).

Within 15 minutes of the first episode, Shane and Ilya are off to the races with a steamy shower scene, and the sex only gets more explicit from there. They are unrestrained with each other—exploring, learning, relishing in the pleasure. It’s a safe way for viewers to enjoy intimacy since there is no personal risk, no possibility of rejection, embarrassment, or loss.

The Romantic Gestures Are Powerful

Just as many modern romantic relationships are defined by being undefined, we are also sorely lacking in romantic gestures these days. People are less willing to bring flowers to a first date or plan something special. Is this because we’re afraid of being perceived as too much? That our efforts at showing affection will be quickly labeled “love bombing” and flagged as a sign of abuse? (Which does happen all too often.) We’re not willing to risk rejection and embarrassment.

Then there’s Scott (Francois Arnaud) and Kip (Robbie G. K.). Scott is an older, closeted player who finds love with a handsome man working at a smoothie shop. While their relationship blossoms behind closed doors, they aren’t able to be a couple in the real world, which eventually becomes too difficult for Kip to sustain. In perhaps the most powerful part of the show, upon winning the league championship, Scott beckons Kip onto the ice, publicly announcing his sexual orientation by hard launching their relationship.

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Who didn’t cry and cheer in this moment? It was one of the most powerful proclamations of self-acceptance and love I’ve seen on television. Scott risks it all so that his relationship with Kip has a chance to be real and lasting. How different from the self-protective manner in which most of us pursue relationships—hedging our bets, keeping other options open, refusing to go out on a limb without assurance it won’t lead to hurt.

The Takeway: We Need More of This in Real Life

It’s no secret that people are frustrated by and burnt out from modern dating. Heated Rivalry reminds us that instead of avoiding risk and staying safe, we can stumble through a complicated connection and be okay on the other side. We can have amazing sex without commitment (for a while). We can proclaim our feelings and be rejected. We can put ourselves out there and survive whatever happens.

So, as Valentine’s Day approaches, perhaps this is the lesson we all need to learn. Let’s not be so afraid of sex and love. Let’s be bold, try things that fail, open up our hearts again after being hurt, and see what happens.