Very good article Laurie.
Unfortunately, a number of people will be unable to take your advice.
There is nothing, and I mean nothing in this world that people are more hung up about than sex. Nothing.
Some people might suggest religion or money instead.
Lots of hangups about those things also.
But my 59 years of observation have told me that sex is the hangup winner by far. Scares the crap out of a large majorty.
If only it weren't so.

Laurie Essig Ph.D.
Sometimes I fantasize that I am as influential as Dr. Phil. And that millions of people follow my advice, instead of his. That's because I think Dr. Phil often dishes some very bad advice. Recently, he told the mother of a young boy who likes Barbie that her son could be put back on the straight and narrow.
Dr. Phil gave this advice because he wants our sons to grow up straight. Because who wouldn't want a straight son like Dr. Phil, whose marital woes fill the gossip blogs and whose sense of style begs for queer intervention?
But I digress. This is not about the rather sad gender and sexual expression of Dr. Phil, but about the advice he gave to the mother of a five-year-old boy. Dr. Phil tells her not to panic! She can avoid having a gay son if she acts now: "This is not a precursor to your son being gay ... Direct your son in an unconfusing way. Don't buy him Barbie dolls or girl's clothes. You don't want to do things that seem to support the confusion at this stage of the game ... Take the girl things away, and buy him boy toys. Support him in what he's doing, but not in the girl things."
Wow! That's some really bad advice. I realize Dr. Phil is a psychologist for the masses and therefore has to uphold the dominant point of view about things like gender rigidity and thinking gay is a bad outcome for our sons. And that's why everyone listens to him (not me). But if I were Dr. Phil, not only would I dress better, but I would have answered it more like this:
"Modern culture is built on the idea that there are only two genders, masculine or feminine. Because of this binary gender, we also assume that there can only be two sexual identities: attraction to the same gender or its opposite. Not only do we assume this to be true, but consumer capitalism exploits it by convincing us that everything from tee shirts to toys, diapers to dog toys have a gender.
In fact, inanimate objects do not have a gender. And there are so many varieties of gender expression that they cannot be counted. A person in a male body can grow up to love Barbie dolls and dresses as well as logging trees in his Carhartts and Timberland boots. Gender expression doesn't have to be something we choose once and for all. It can just exist as endless possibility. Why, it's like the song:
I"m a lumberjack and I'm okay. I work all night and I sleep all day. I try on women's clothing and I hang around in bars.
And who knows what love will look like for a dress-wearing lumberjack? Maybe it will be with a femime fatale or maybe it will be with a macho man or anything in between or beyond.
The point is not to enforce rigid binary gender on your son, the toys he plays with, or the life he leads. Allow him to grow into a fully realized human being — not a particular gender or a sexuality.
But then again, if people listened to that sort of advice, then we'd all be much less stressed out about upholding the gender binary, there'd be much less anxiety about whether a toy or a piece of clothing was the "right" gender, whether love was good or bad, and not very many people would feel desperate enough to get child-rearing advice from TV personalities like Dr. Phil. Perhaps even more disastrous, there'd be far fewer things for advertisers to sell us since we could wear each other's tee shirts, dresses, and jeans and play with the same toys, whether Barbies or building blocks.
Good thing we have Dr. Phil to keep us trapped in the way things are rather than help us imagine the way things could be.
Top hangup of all time
I agree with about 99% of
I agree with about 99% of what you said, except the part about jeans. I'm female, and male jeans don't stay up without a belt cinched around my waist. If that's the look you're going for, fine, but jeans are made to fit different types of hips, and I love my hips.
Yup, very bad advice
Dr. Phil doesn't "dish out some bad advice", he craps it out. It takes a certain level of ignorance for people to even listen to him. It is really unfortunate that sound, rational advice, as you have given in this case, is always ignored and the tabloid aspiring sound bites are sucked up by the gullible.
My grandfather use to get
My grandfather use to get very upset at my mom when she bought me a workbench and tools and...even more so when I dismembered my barbie dolls and opted for erector sets and microscopes. I became an engineer -- not gay. Toys have no influence on gender preference... that is innate and wouldn't be changed by eliminating toys that are "too girly" or "too boyish"... just ridiculous. Maybe that boy would grow up to be a playwrightor a fashion designer.. who knows.
I was at an amusement park last winter and watched a boy of about 6 dancing for 20 minutes. He was amazingly talented and had so much enthusiasm ( I mean, like Billy Elliot waiting to break free ). I asked his mom how long he'd been dancing and she said, "He doesn't take lessons. He's in soccer and I'm trying to at least convince his dad to let him try gymnastics but he won't even hear of that." Heartbreaking. I told her that he was so truly gifted that she really needed to fight to get him into formal training.
Man with the Golden Voice
I wish more people would wake up to this man! I was extremely irritated today when I heard "The man with the golden voice" is out of rehab and now in out-patient rehab where one requirement is to "check-in" with the Dr. Phil show. Looked up his CV which is not easy to find. He has no specialty in addiction recovery! He is leading this man into the path of failure! If more people would actually do some research they would be surprised what they find. I was shocked, but not surprised, by what I saw on his CV.
I am not a psychologist. However, I am a recovering alcoholic. I just wish people would wake up!
That's okay. Dr. Phil isn't a
That's okay. Dr. Phil isn't a psychologist either.
not sure
I don't get it gender binary is not the same as sexual oreintation
being straight or gay is not an expression of masculine or feminine, surely a boy playing with a physical recreation of an adult females body would be an extremly strong display of heterosexual desire.
that's gross
i don't watch dr phil. and thank god for that!! i had no idea he was such an idiot! i may have thrown up a bit in my mouth.
a few parents were discussing gender and play-time preferences at the playground a few weeks back. i mentioned how my son had been consistently showing preference for all things traditionally "boy" - in spite of our intended exposure to toys and books and opportunities of all kinds. another mom actually said to me: well at least you don't have to worry he'll turn out gay.
i was shocked, and really unprepared to respond the way i wanted to, so i simply said, i don't know how much the way he plays influences his future sexual preference, haha, (in a sort of confused voice) and walked off ... because i really wanted to ask her if she was an idiot. and that seemed wrong.
i still can't believe dr phil said that ...
I get tired of the Dr. Phil's
I get tired of the Dr. Phil's and the Laurie Essig's in our society with all their degrees. It's pretty sad that someone who doesn't have any degree in psychology needs to teach both of you that gender identity and sexual preference are two TOTALLY different things. It disappoints me that even the "experts" in the field can't get it right.
dr phil
i always thought Dr Phil (Mr. phil) was conforming to the masses as he is not an actual doctor at all according to my friends in america..
he always gives advice with a vein bursting out of his head and i truly believe he don't help anyone..
I hope i get to meet him someday.
There was a guy that disagreed with him few times on teh show and Dr Phil kicked him off for having a differing opinion..
A sarcastic egomaniac who
A sarcastic egomaniac who openly degrades people instead of using helpful comments............. while the audience chuckles?
A Psychologist????? I KNOW he isn't one of those.
Dr. Phil is not a psychologist
Dr. Phil is not a psychologist. People have to be licensed to use the term, "psychologist," and Dr. Phil's license was revoked years ago because of an ethical breach.
Dr Phil
Dr Phil gave up his license because he was not morally worthy of it. It was either do that or face a sexual harassment lawsuit. He does not give good advice and is an entertainer with the name Dr. Phil. He and his plastic "trophy wife" as he calls her have no business giving advice. She has a high school education and said "I just love being in the audience watching Phil because I think he is brilliant." Yeah Robin, that is because he is a little more educated than you. But neither one of them deserve to be known as experts on giving advice. Good thing there are people with common sense who have their own lives and do not need to watch someone with a screwed up life on TV getting advice from a pseudo doc.
What's wrong with Robin?
I don't have a reason to dislike her
Dr. Phil is indeed a quack..
Dr. Phil is indeed a quack.. however,rather than bad advice, i more often find him spouting common knowledge. not that he hasn't ever given bad advice either..
I find it sad to know that there are people dumb enough out there that they feel the need to go be on his show.. and actually find the information he gives them helpful to boot..
Dr. Phil is a quack...
This man is an idiot and should not be giving advice to anyone. My son loved playing with Barbie dolls and when he was little he went crazy for one while we were in Toys are Us. I gave him the doll to play with and a women saw this and made a remark that I needed to have him put that doll back. I felt that he was just a baby and did not reflect his sexual orientation. I was correct because even though he played with dolls when he was younger, he is a straight man today with a heart of gold. I am proud to say he is my son.
Dr Phil is a quack
Even the bottom of the class is still called Doctor. That is where you fit in...isn't it. For everyone on the planet, everyone has an opinion, and thats exactly what it is, an opinion...like yours, Its just an opinion. After all, they call you doctor too. It is an immovable object against an irresistible force. You are no better than he is. Stop all your rants and raves because nobody cares what you have to say, least of all me. Get off your soap box and practice in the real world instead of spouting your crap in a forum of all places
Dr. Phil is a quack...
This man is an idiot and should not be giving advice to anyone. My son loved playing with Barbie dolls and when he was little he went crazy for one while we were in Toys are Us. I gave him the doll to play with and a women saw this and made a remark that I needed to have him put that doll back. I felt that he was just a baby and did not reflect his sexual orientation. I was correct because even though he played with dolls when he was younger, he is a straight man today with a heart of gold. I am proud to say he is my son.
Shit
It's what Dr Phil and all of you are full of... How about we don't even have the fucking discussion you idiots... Its simple leave people alone and let them be them and everything will be OK... People need to worry about themselves that includes patents.... Overbearing parents create serial killers
dr phil
There is nothing wrong with breeding serial killers,as long as they butcher women.
Reply
That's exactly what Dr. Phil means, without saying.
Dr Phil quackery
I saw a few of his shows where I thought he was one sided and biased. They tend to blame parents for a child's behavior and they need to realize that there are so many external influencing factors to a child's behavior, that unless a parent keeps their child at home 24/7, a parent cannot be blamed entirely for a child's bad behavior.
He also gave bad advice when a woman who was a stay at home mom for 30 years and then her husband divorced her and left her nothing by quitting his job. Doctor Phil's advice was "get a job." What? She was dependent on this man for 30 years and had no job skills. Dr Phil has no problem helping drug addicts get help and pay for it, but he would not pay to send this woman to some type of training? Dr. Phil is a chauvinistic pig and his wife is a submissive twit!
A female finally on my side.
Good God!!! A female finally on my side. As a person who has a disability all my life, I have been subject to political abuse from those in power. Primarily teachers, managers, and parents (including mine). I grew up being told everything that had gone wrong for others was my fault. And when I told teachers I was being wronged they dismissed me as some raging ungrateful little child who lies to the public. As of late, I have been seeing were people of authority in my childhood got this attitude from people like him as well as from the people in jail who only wanted to use promoted fake info from people like Phil to hurt the less fortunate.
I have been scared of women and intimacy since people believed that all boys like me are at fault for girls problems and that I was to be punished for some sort of imaginary wrong doing that had never occurred. And when I defended myself, I was considered to be Rude, Aggressive, and to be suffering from severe retardation since i have finally been diagnosed properly as A.D.D. Which I hate because of all the fantasy acts associated with it.
Dr Phil
I disagree with Dr Phil as both of my boys loved playing with Barbie dolls and I let them Both of my son's love women and are straight. If they chose the later I would love and accept them for who and what they are. Society is just so homophobic. Let your children love who they want to love. My son's playing with Barbie dolls did not change who they are
Why do people listen to him?
Why would someone seek help from him? His only concern is making himself look good, as if he is all about his profession, but he's not treating anything. He's giving his fucking opinion. There was a girl on the show claiming that "if your boyfriend hits you, then it is a sign of love." This young woman obviously has something wrong with her, and he didn't treat her like a victim. He treated her like shit. I like the topics he discusses, but I don't like he goes about executing them.
Dr Phil and ocd !
He does not have a clue what he is talking about ! Too busy looking at the prompter, so obvious! My son has extreme OCD and yes Dr Phil it is a mental health condition, which is commonly linked to Autism which my son also has a diagnosis of. If you are going to advice people then please educate yourself first. That show was utterly embarrassing to watch. That poor woman you made her feel like she was abnormal. Come and walk a mile in my shoes and then you can be the specialist to profess to be !
Talk shows
Dr Phil usually features a person who is obviously mentally ill and he allows their families to humiliate them in public because, well, that's the best way to heal the sick. The audience gleefully responds when the victim of this nonsense defends themselves nervously, and finally, Dr Phil swoops in for the kill. When the victim is exhausted, the hero offers support to the victim and the audience claps glowingly. I know several psychotherapists who assure me Dr Phil would never be allowed to treat patients in this manner. And in the midst of all this drama, the victim remains sick and the Dr Phil show makes millions.
Can't argue with facts
I started reading and quickly realised the author is an educated person who knows what they're talking about. This was written by a professor of sociology and women and gender studies.
Remember, whatever you tell yourself to help you sleep at night, it doesn't affect the truth of the matter. The claims that people like the author make here, are backed up by science and reasoning that take years to understand, and that is a continual processes.
I urge you to consider fact over opinions, and reasoning over blind faith. The author has an established background, backed by scientific reasoning and fact. Even if you disagree with it, doesn't mean it isn't true.
Delusional SJW
This lady is mentally ill.... I don't know what mail order website she got her degree at but they need to be shut down.... sorry lady, theirs only 2 genders..... and REAL psychiatric professionals agree...
A Bad Paragraph with No Data and Too Many Ellipsis.
You claim the author is not a professional and that she is mentally ill but you've failed to show any proof of your statements. You do not seem professional at all or to be trusted. Furthermore, you'll find that with even a small effort on your part shows there is little to no argument to make against her claims as they are mostly factual. You sound like an angry person without the capabilitiy to poperly express yourself and what a shame people like you still exist in 2018.
Gender is simple
people forget that this is just an article. you believe what every you want to believe. just like ppl believe dr phils usual bull, other ppl believe this womans bull. i hate dr phil just as much as the next person but that doesnt mean im going to believe this woman. dr phil says he has degrees and so does this woman but neither can prove it. she can write as many articles as she wants. there is only two genders and science as proven it. just because some ppl say "i feel like im a different gender on the inside" doesnt mean they are right. if i said i feel like im a cat or a bird on the inside they would take me to a therapist and this woman would recommend it . feeling arent facts!
Untrue aasumption
I can't believe you are saying that the belief of the masses is that gayness is bad for our sons and should be cured at an early age. No one thinks that anymore except some older adults and kids raised by old people.
Political nonsense doesn't
Political nonsense doesn't belong in the psychology of our children. Not only is it worthless, it's downright harmful and immoral to promote or encourage behavior like that in children during the most vital and vulnerable stage of their life. Especially with parents who start telling their kids how their behavior makes them "transgender," ("Oh, you're more quiet and gentle, that means you're a girl or have girl traits, Bradley!" Bullshit) and other shit that only will serve to confuse them further and in the end be less happy as adults. Better to help direct and be a guide to your kid to gently encourage them on the right path than to stick ideas into their heads like "you play with dolls, that means you're a girl inside." I guarantee that many YOUNG children who call themselves the opposite gender while using terminology they shouldn't know at their age have been heavily influenced one or both of their parents, or by a caregiver. I'm with Dr. Phil in this. Just don't humiliate or scorn them for doing shit like "playing with dolls," or other "undesirable behaviors," or make them feel unaccepted as people for these kinds of behaviors. Just gently discourage but let em know you love em no matter what.
This gender non-binary, gender-fluid, "Gender and sex are separate, etc" propaganda is toxic for our kids and should have no place in science. People who promote this to kids are immoral, irrational, and should not be anywhere near our kids.
Suicide rates are very high amongst transgenders, which goes even higher for post-op transgenders. The modern attitude for transgenderism is basically a death sentence for your kids.
So True
their has never been any truer words than what you just said. they always say let a child choose what he wants to be but a child doesnt have the information to choose anything. thats why you must teach them how to live. a child wants to be just like who ever is their biggest influence. so of course if you influence them to be a girl thats what they want to be. boys that grow up with mostly girls, girls that encourage feminine behavior, often grow up with feminine characteristics. Transgender is taught.
the problems transwomen have are entirely other peoples fault.
It's entirely the way that society treats and responds to transwomen that cause the suicide rats to be so high, man is a social species and that they are treated as they are causes many people to contemplate suicide.
It's not that being trans is internally flawed, it's that the outer world treats you so poorly.
Dr Phil
Oh thank you so much for that article! I often am in abject terror of the thought of someone raising a child by Phils guidelines. He regularly tries to use reason and common sense against delusional people like they are going to just snap up and say Hey I am CURED! I f can not handle the false premise that this is any sort of legit mental health advise I am hearing in these clips. It is a much less honest and caring Jerry Springer. One episode he is doing some frivolous fluff piece about how weird some poor child is and the next dealing with people with real actual issues that are desperate and they are treated as the same level as far as respect, delicacy and therapeutic suggestions. It seems nothing more that entertainment with a few little life centers (that he is invested in of course) thrown in to lend legitimacy to the exploitation of people who are severely desperate.
I agree, Dr. Phil is a prick....
But really....? This is the biggest problem....? Children should be allowed to dress however they want and play with whatever they want, but Dr. Phil treats most of his "guests" like absolute dirt. Especially sex workers and drug users. More importantly, the shit this man spews is a security blanket for so many middle-aged women who watch his show. Dr. Phil destroys families without ever being in the same room.
We deserve the "gubmint" we get.
The biggest problem posed by the morons who lap up Docquacktor Phil and all you confused fools who think that qveer life is wonderful is that, sadly, you can vote.
As Adolf opined, "How fortunate for rulers that men (and women, and qveers and lezbos and T-whatevers) *do not* think."
Yeaaahhhh Joe!!!
Hey Joe, you’re so right. Some parents actually go out of their way to offer their children an alternative gender. Yeahhh, push that lifestyle to let everyone know how liberal and openminded you are, very progressive...and besides that’s very productive for the children, Be a little
smarter than the children, that’s a good start..
Talking out of both sides of his mouth
Dr.Phil is either a hypocrite, or he has matured since then, because I remember him being on Anderson Cooper when the scandal broke about a school board member who made transphobic comments about a transgender kid and was summarily fired from his job,and rightfully so. He also has had a 15 yr old on his show that was being harassed by her parents because she's a lesbian,and he essentially said that they were barking up the wrong tree, that he couldn't 'fix' her because there was nothing about her sexuality that was 'broken'.
As a lesbian who grew up in a homo/transphobic household, I can attest to just how difficult it is to realize you'll never be the person your parents expect you to grow up to be. I'm about 4 classes out from getting my B.A. in Psychology,then I'm going to Grad school to attain my Master's Degree in Clinical Mental Health to work with kids and teenagers. I have a feeling Dr.Phil wouldn't like me,either.
Tell me something I don't know
Why are we acting like Dr Phil is a serious person? He's a TELEVISION PERSONALITY everyone knows that it's not news not does he inherently require this amount of discussion.
My issue is with Ms Essig. You, who just wrote an article from your self rigeous moral high ground lambasting Phil Mcgraw for his inappropriate actions, all the while acting just as immature and inappropriate as he does if not worse. Ms. Essig your article is full of conjecture childish insults, and is so transparently written as a response to his stance on sexuality under the guise of a moral lecture. I can't believe you have a doctorate. I notice it's not a PsyD. What are you a doctor of, basketweaving?
Here's my advise for you ms essig. You're a PhD? Act accordingly. Grow up and knock off the childish attacks immature assumptions and grow up. You sound like a envious 13 year old and you're not fooling me. The fact that this article was published as a serious piece is a discrace.
Tell me something I don't know
Why are we acting like Dr Phil is a serious person? He's a TELEVISION PERSONALITY everyone knows that it's not news not does he inherently require this amount of discussion.
My issue is with Ms Essig. You, who just wrote an article from your self rigeous moral high ground lambasting Phil Mcgraw for his inappropriate actions, all the while acting just as immature and inappropriate as he does if not worse. Ms. Essig your article is full of conjecture childish insults, and is so transparently written as a response to his stance on sexuality under the guise of a moral lecture. I can't believe you have a doctorate. I notice it's not a PsyD. What are you a doctor of, basketweaving?
Here's my advise for you ms essig. You're a PhD? Act accordingly. Grow up and knock off the childish attacks immature assumptions and grow up. You sound like a envious 13 year old and you're not fooling me. The fact that this article was published as a serious scientific piece is a discrace. Theres nothing scientific about articles like this which have no scientific basis and are written simply to bully an opinion through it's pathetic.. grow up