Keeping Love and Lust Alive
How to make lust and love last in your relationship.
Posted February 27, 2010
Do all seasoned relationships lose their sizzle over time? Not necessarily. Remember the high you felt when you first fell in love? That heady cloud nine feeling? Although you still love your partner, you still care for him or her, you still feel secure and comfortable with him or her, the lust, the romance, the passion no longer lights your flame.
What is missing is the dopamine rush─ the brain chemical that promotes ecstatic pleasure ─ the testosterone, oxytocin, vasopressin, endogenous opiods ─ that enhance love, lust, romance, and passion. In case you think this waning of passion is inevitable, think again. No matter the rut you are in, no matter how dispirited you feel, no matter the short supply of the good mood neurotransmitter Serotonin, you can change all of that.
You can bring romance and passion back. In the process a cascade of good mood, love, and lust brain chemicals will bathe your partner and you. The first step is to clear the deck of old stumbling blocks so that you can bring fresh experience on deck. When you change your mind, you will change your brain.
In my practice bringing love and lust back takes a back seat to letting go of the anger, the disappointments, the hurt of the past. You must resolve all of this first. It took two of you to get into this place so it will take the two of you to get out of it. Here then are some tips.
Communicate your feelings to your partner with "I" statements that do not attack or blame him. The listen to his side of the story.
Climb on board with him, allow yourself to walk in his shoes, to empathize with him. Then and only then can the process of forgiveness begin. Did you know that the brain houses empathy and forgiveness in the same cortices? That means as you empathize with him, you can forgive him.
As soon as you feel more at ease with your partner, the train carrying romance, lust and passion can get on track. What charges up the engine is novelty.
Change begins in the imagination. First you fantasize and then you enact the following:.
• Fantasize the verbal and sensual foreplay at a distance from your partner. Text, call, or email one another. Experience the thrill of expectations for him or her. Put it into action. When you begin making love, rather than consummating the sex act, let foreplay linger on and on so that longing mounts.
• Surrender to the feelings that arise in you as you surrender to your partner. The magic arises when you lose yourself in your partner only to find yourself.
• If you have always made love in your bed, imagine making love in a hot air balloon, in the shower, naked on a sunny beach, or any other romantic novel places that come to mind. Then pick some of these places, invite your partner to your hot spot and go for it.
• Imagine making love in different positions and in different ways and then try these novel ways of love-making.
• How about time of day or night? If love-making was reserved for after dinner when the dishes were done, leave them in the sink. How about love in the morning, at noon, or in the afternoon?
These are only some suggestions that may or may not register with you. My hope is that you are inspired to create your own novelty to spice up a lack-luster relationship. Life is not forever, but love and lust can make each precious moment of it more vibrant, vital, and fulfilling.