For Lovers or Employees, Documentation Improves Skills

Whether in the home or workplace, misunderstandings and misperceptions occur. Sometimes this happens because too many people are on overload and only half-listen to requests or directives. There are a myriad of articles and reports on how to document in the workplace and set up more effective communications. But couples have few guidelines on how simple documentation might help them improve their relationship.

In both communications and decision-making a bit of documentation is helpful, not just for the purpose of a paper trail, but as a way to help one review and enhance personal skills.

In “What's All This Talk About Couple ‘Communication Skills’?” Susan Heitler, Ph.D., whose workbooks focus on “The Power of Two,” explains the value in “being able to convey thoughts, feelings and concerns in a way that the other can hear them without becoming defensive, and being able to hear the other in a way that digests and uses incoming data to both people's benefit.”

The Decision to Document

Both for lovers and employees, improving interpersonal skills can sometimes evolve into a self-review process. As you are working to perfect communicating and decision-making skills, making the decision to document can ease the process.

For intuitive women documenting helps by recording inner-voice thoughts as well as the logical steps used to arrive at a decision. Here is a start. Buy a simple notebook and make it a decision-making journal. As you begin to work through the guidelines for making decisions, you will want a format that becomes a quick reference guide. Keep in mind that so many decisions are required in the course of a day that even the most important ones can slip your mind.

A simple journal format:

• Date: When a problem or decision first presents itself to you
• Type of Decision: Personal or professional
• Your Initial Instinct: Without thinking through, what was your first reaction?
• A Logical Process: These four steps are from the TACT Strategies -- Take a minute. Access the situation. Consider the alternatives. Take a stand and follow-though.
• Reflections: If this was a problem you have encountered before, ask yourself how you might have played a role in solving it or escalating it to a crisis.

In the workplace: I often hear from women in small organizations who are frustrated with staff who are not doing their job. Yet, because of the collegiality they shy away from confronting them either because “we’ve always done it this way” or “his or her feelings get hurt easily.” As such a cycle continues of unacceptable behavior or performance, particularly in organizations unconcerned about “best business practices" and a five year review to implement change.

In relationships: These words almost always trigger an argument or the silent treatment -- “How many times have I told you?” In many cases, if a situation repeats itself, this is a time when documenting the behavior and your own role in the situation can present you with alternatives as to how to best handle your reaction and that of your partner in the future. It will also help you to effectively negotiate a compromise.

Confront Without Being Confrontational

We all have a vocabulary of peace and provocation words. Whether with a lover, an employer, employee or colleague, relative or friend – the advice that still resonates today is simple – a minute of praise and a minute of criticism. The concept comes from a book written in 1982, The One Minute Manager: Kenneth Blanchard Ph.D., and Spencer Johnson, M.D. In any situation, this little book can be a valuable reminder to watch your words, confront without being confrontational, and work towards a mutually agreeable solution.

[Adapted from the Art of Decision Making: 20 Winning Strategies for Women/ Rita E. Watson/ Lowell House Publication -- currently being updated}

Copyright 2014 Rita Watson