8 Love Lost Quotes and 20 Tips Before Saying "Good-bye"
Is it really better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all?
Posted Sep 24, 2013
Sometimes when we meet someone it feels as if we were touched by the same star. Then love begins to dissipate. No matter what one's age, when love is lost it can create overwhelming sadness and extreme stress.
It can be especially difficult around the holidays. No Date on New Year's Eve?
There is no good way to say, “It’s over.” As trivial as it may sound, sometimes it takes a good quote, a mantra, a sad song, lots of tears, and of course, time. While it is difficult to see the positive side of a break-up, in fact, researcher Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Department of Psychology, Monmouth University, found "that positive emotions can occur following break-up, particularly when the previous relationship did not expand the self, and when personal growth occurred after the break-up."
Despite these findings published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, initially, a break-up hurts. For those who thought that they had been touched by the same star, it can be devastating enough to seek professional help, which may be a solution.
Here are some quotes and some thoughts on a relationship's end.
Letting go of love
- Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown
- Let no one who loves be unhappy. . . even love unreturned has its rainbow. ~James Matthew Barrie
- Sadness flies away on the wings of time. ~Jean de La Fontaine
- Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. ~Washington Irving.
- Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
- It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson.
- True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying, “I love you.” ~Unknown
- What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur
20 Thoughts to consider before saying "Good-bye"
Last August, I wrote this piece because I was struck by a British study that said most couples divorce because they have fallen out of love. If you really think your love is over, think about it carefully before drawing a line in the sand and saying "Good-bye forever.
- Before saying anything at all, write out the pros and cons of the relationship.
- Write out the 5 qualities about the other person that helped you to fall in love.
- Write out at least 2 things that brought the two of you joy.
- In a completely rational way ask yourself, “If he or she were breaking up with me, what are the words that I would want to hear?" Start from a positive position—“We have shared happy times together.”
- State the reality—“Something is not working between us.”
- Express your need—“I need to move on.”
- Be willing to listen, calmly, to the other person’s reaction.
- Decide in advance not to argue.
- Acknowledge how difficult is it to say the words, “It is over.”
- Be firm. “I am not telling you this so that you will change, or do things differently. I am telling you this because I feel that this is the end of the road for us.”
- Decide how to answer the other person when he or she says, “Couldn’t we give it another try? Can we go to counseling together? "
- If you can agree to counseling, go into the sessions with an open mind.
- Be honest. State what you feel, but do so kindly thinking about the person’s positive qualities.
- If your love asks if there is someone else, decide if you should say, “This is not about another person, but about us. We are not working.” OR if there is another person, be careful how you admit the truth.
- Remind yourself that if there is someone else, the longer you keep that fact from your love, the longer it will take for both of you to heal. “When you know the truth, the truth will set you free.”
- Be aware enough of your partner to know if he or she is the type who will benefit from you dragging out the good-bye or performing radical surgery—that is, “It’s over.”
- Understand the consequences of a prolonged “Good-bye.” It opens the door for one party doing a guilt trip on the other. It opens the door to manipulation. It opens the door to “victim” mode; that is, “How can you do this to me?”
- Understand the hurt and anger the other person is going through.
- At all times, remain calm.
- Reassure the other person that he or she is someone with whom you have shared a great deal of joy, but now it is time to move on. From 20 Thoughts on How to Say, “It’s Over”
Try writing about it
Here is another thought from Dr. Lewandowski: try writing the experience. The journal paper notes that "those those who focused their writing on the positive aspects of their break-up (factors leading up to the break-up, the actual break-up, and the time right after the break-up) reported experiencing more positive emotions regarding their relationship's end and did not experience an increase in negative emotions. The increased positive emotions included feelings of such as: comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimismism, relief, satisfaction, thankfulness, and wisdom." Breakups aren't all bad - American Psychological Association
When you are certain it is over, kiss each other good bye and then cry. Even if ending a relationship is what you wish to do, there will be an empty feeling inside. Express gratitude for the good times, wish you partner joy. And, in time, you will feel the warmth of sunshine in your heart. How Gratitude Can Bring Back Your Smile
Copyright 2013 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved