Singlehood
Which Better Protects Us From Depression, Friendship or Romance?
In a new study, single people who become romantically involved get more depressed.
Posted May 31, 2025 Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Romantic relationships are valued, validated, and celebrated in ways that close friendships rarely are. If you have a romantic partner, other people will ask about that person and include them in social invitations. Close friends, not so much. Romantic relationships are celebrated with engagement parties, weddings, and anniversary events, but friendships are almost never similarly celebrated—not even the closest ones that have lasted for decades. Sometimes, referring to our relationship with another person, we will say, “Oh, we’re just friends.”
Contributing to this valuing of romantic relationships over close friendships is the belief that romantic relationships are more important to our well-being. For example, we believe that they are more likely to protect us from feeling depressed. But is that really true?
In research just published in the June 2025 issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Junwen M Hu of Michigan State University found out. He analyzed data from nearly 3,000 people who were contacted when they were 15, 16, 28, and 38 years old. Each time, they were asked whether they were in a romantic relationship, whether they had at least one close friend, and how depressed they felt.
Single people who become romantically involved become more depressed
The clearest and most consistent findings were what happened when single people became romantically involved: They became more depressed. That was true for single people at every age examined in the study—15, 16, 28, and 38.
Friendship, in contrast, was more likely to shield people from depression. When the participants were adults (28 and 38 years old), those who went from having no close friends to having at least one close friend became less depressed. (There was no clear connection when they were 15 or 16.)
Another way to look at the link between friendship or romantic partnership and depression is to ask whether people who have a romantic partner are more or less depressed than people who don’t, and whether people who have at least one close friend are more or less depressed than people who don’t. When the participants were 15, those who had a romantic relationship were more depressed than those who were single. When they were 38, they were less depressed. (There was no significant connection when they were 16 or 28.)
At every age, the people who had at least one close friendship were less depressed than those who did not have a close friendship, though the connections were not statistically significant for the 15 and 16-year-olds—they were just trends.
Close friendships are more likely to protect you from feeling depressed
In summary, having a close friend is more likely to protect you from feeling depressed than having a romantic relationship. In adulthood, people who make a close friend when they did not already have one become less depressed, and people who have a close friend are less depressed than people who don’t. In adolescence, the links between friendship and depression are weaker, but having a close friend is never significantly associated with being more depressed.
Romantic relationships are risky. In adolescence and adulthood, single people who become romantically involved become more depressed. Among the 15-year-olds, those who are in a romantic relationship are more depressed than those who are not. It is only at one of the four ages (38) that the people in a romantic relationship are less depressed than those who are not.
Yet, it is that one kind of finding that gets the most attention. People often think that getting married (or romantically partnered) makes people happy. They say that science shows that married people are happier than single people. But comparing married people to unmarried people at one point in time does not prove that they are happier because they are married. They could just be different kinds of people. If marriage or romantic partnership really did make people happier or less depressed, then people who go from being single to married (or romantically partnered) should become happier and less depressed. Instead, the opposite often happens, especially over time.
The underappreciated significance of friendship
Among the stereotypes of single people are that they are alone and unattached, and they don’t have anyone. In fact, though, lots of research shows that single people are better at maintaining connections with other people, such as their friends. People who get married often become more insular, focusing mostly on each other.
Research from 32 European nations has shown that single people spend more time with friends, and they get more happiness out of the time they spend with their friends, than married people do. A study in the U.S. showed that older adults were more likely to be protected from loneliness, stress, and depression if they had friends or relatives they could count on than if they were married or in a relationship like marriage. In my own work, I’ve found that people who are single at heart are often flourishing. They are people who do not organize their lives around a romantic partner. They often have close friends and the freedom to devote as much time and attention to them as they like. That can make all the difference.
