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[Bella’s intro: I think this is a beautifully-written essay making an important point in a compelling way. I’m not going to say anything more except to thank Ellen Worthing for agreeing to share it with us.]
The Life-Changing Magic of Going Your Own Way
Guest Post by Ellen Worthing
"In 1997 my life going so well for me. I had broken up with a long term boyfriend whom I had planned to marry. My career had vaporized as the industry I had worked in for 10 years collapsed and disappeared. I was broke. I was in debt up to my eyeballs. I was overweight. I had lost most of my friends during the years I spent with the territorial and jealous boyfriend. I had spent that summer temping in awful hospital offices with awful managers with awful coworkers so I would not have to declare bankruptcy.
I had always wanted to learn to kayak and I had seen an ad to try kayaking at a nearby beach. I paid the fee to reserve my spot in the kayak class and was excited to do at least one activity during that summer that wasn't miserable.
Unfortunately, I was not familiar with the park and got lost on the way over the kayak place, so I arrived 15 minutes late. I am not sure why but I was the only person in the kayak class that day that was not a part of a romantic couple. There were 10 couples and me. The instructor was first irritated that I was late and then even more irritated that he had to provide me with my own kayak since I had no one to share. He made his displeasure very obvious. I, in turn, was irritated I was being singled out for his wrath. I was glad I had missed the instructional part, I decided I would create my own kayaking methodology.
When it came time to put our kayaks in the water it was apparent that the couples had all made fast friends. I was the class pariah. I watched the others all chat while they set up to kayak and to my surprise they all headed to the left, or north of the kayaking center. I don't know what snapped in me at that moment but for once I decided that I would no longer follow the crowd and attempt to be a member of the group, a group that was clearly not interested in having fat single alone me as a member. I lugged my kayak into the water and went right, southward, alone. I heard the couples chatter and laugh, but it got quieter the farther I paddled from them. I wondered why everyone had gone left, I assume that was what the instructor had told them to do.
When going left or north like the couples did one would head into a shoreline that was full of small waterfront homes, there wasn't much to see. But if one paddled south the shoreline was all more parkland and natural wetland. As I traveled I saw osprey, blue heron, night heron, eagles, white egret, cormorant, ducks, groundhog, fox and deer. Long rockfish escorted my kayak as it glided through the water because I was being quiet. The air was warm during this last weekend of summer and the shore foliage was lush with dark green leaves and dramatic vines. I kayaked into a cove and the sit-on-top kayak allowed me to lay back and think about what a terrible summer I had had, how my life had collapsed, how rotten the kayakers had been to me, but how at that moment everything was going really right. The area was so nice and the sky was so beautiful. I didn't really know how I was going to pull myself out of my personal mess I was in but for two hours life was going to be a little less horrible.
Eventually my arms became tired from all the paddling and I decided to head back. I returned to the kayak center at the same time two of the couple sets returned. One man said to me, “I noticed you went right rather than left with everyone else. What did you see there?”
I replied, “It was beautiful” and then I described what had experienced. Then I asked, “What happened when you went left?”
He said, “Nothing, it was just a bunch of houses.” Then he spoke to his wife and said, “Hey honey, we still have a few minutes left. Let's get back into the kayak and go see what is southward. This lady who went there said it is really pretty.” Then the other returning couple decided to do the same thing. Soon after all the returning couples followed the first couple southward so they could quickly experience what I had seen. I laughed a bit about that. In an odd way I had become the leader and the couples were now the followers.
A month later I managed to land a much better job in an industry where I had wanted to work. Slowly I pulled myself out of debt. And that miserable summer temping ultimately paid off in spades because in 2014 when I had some medical challenges it was my experiences from that summer temping at the hospital that gave me the knowledge to make very fast correct decisions about my health care. It was also the friends I had made that awful summer at the hospital in 1997 that came to my aid when I needed it most. So I guess everything worked out in the long run.
Sometimes you have to go right when everyone else goes left."
About the Author: Ellen Worthing writes from Baltimore
