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I'm a big believer in working to your strengths. When I asked in a previous post, "Where's our singles movement?", and invited suggestions for making such a movement happen, I was delighted to see the very different perspectives that were voiced in the comments section. I don't think there is just one way to get to a more just society for people who are single. There are all sorts of possibilities for making progress, and happily, different people are good at different things.
If, as I've suggested previously, dealing with singlism day in and day out can feel like getting crushed with a ton of feathers, then we can also reverse that process and brush the feathers off one another, a few at a time. Each fistful of feathers will seem almost weightless, yet as more and more of us wipe away more and more of the tufts, there will come a time when we will realize that a palpable part of the weight has been lifted.
Many social movements have succeeded in the past, and we can borrow from their familiar playbooks. I'll get to some of those later. First, though, I want to mention some possibilities that are perhaps less obvious, even if they may seem no more substantial than the stuffing in your pillow.
Is Speaking Out Not for You?
First, you count. Every one of you. I totally get it if you are not one to speak out; there are risks to that, especially with prejudices such as singlism that are not yet widely acknowledged. If you don't let the matrimania get to you, if you can continue to remind yourself that the standard put-downs of single people are just myths - myths that have been debunked by data - that matters. If you don't buy the singlism, you won't try to sell it.
Second, if you don't feel comfortable speaking out or taking action yourself, get behind those who do. Support the activist organizations, such as the Alternatives to Marriage Project, in any way you can. Check out their grassroots action campaigns. Contribute money or time if you can. There are good, constructive things you can do behind the scenes in relative anonymity.
The contemporary world, with all of the online possibilities and social media, is a whole new place for activism - even for those who do not yet want to put their name to their thoughts. Suppose you have been reading enlightened singles blogs (and I don't just mean mine; my current list is on this page) for some time and have never posted a single comment, not even under the cover of anonymity. You are helping. Even just reading the conversations at enlightened singles sights is probably affecting you in a positive way. I bet that you are even paying that enlightenment forward, in ways that may not be totally obvious. Plus, traffic counts. When more and more people are clicking on a particular blog, that gets noticed.
Do you want someone else to critique the singlism you have recognized? Just ask. I hear all the time from readers who find examples of singles-bashing they'd like me to write about. I try to get to as many as I can. I bet other singles bloggers are open to suggestions, too.
Willing to be Heard?
Are you someone who is willing to engage in conversations about the issues? Keep posting your comments at relevant blogs and other media sites. If you have the time and the inclination, write your own blog (and let me know about it if it is not already on my list).
Lots of stories in online newspapers, magazines, and television sites allow for comments. Jump in and have your say. Whenever possible, post your comments early so you have a better chance of influencing the subsequent conversation. Don't just point out the stereotyping and stigmatizing of singles - also let writers know when they get something right.
You don't need to confine yourself to the comments section. Write directly to the author. Let the editor or the ombudsman know what you think.
See something you like (blog post or article or anything else)? Make it count. Click it, email it, "like" it, repost it, retweet it, blog about it. Support activists, authors, and anyone else who is working at consciousness-raising and who is challenging discrimination.
Do you have scientific credentials? Critique the relevant research. Spread the word when new research appears or when you discover past research that has not gotten much attention.
Become an activist yourself. If you have the relevant skills and inclinations, give talks and podcasts and workshops and seminars. (I've invited Rachel to tell us more about her upcoming workshop on my All Things Single blog; I'll let you know when that's posted.) If you are a social scientist, do research on singles. (Again, be forewarned that such efforts will not always be as readily embraced as, say, proposals to do research on marriage.)
If group contexts are not your thing, but you are good at one-to-one interactions, make your points that way. Keep in mind that people may react harshly even to a very politely expressed singles-positive message. There's a lot of resistance out there.
If you have a forum, welcome other singles-friendly thinkers and activists to contribute to it. (I have so appreciated the many people who have agreed to write guest posts for this Living Single blog as well as my All Things Single blog. Readers seem to like them, too. I'm always open to nominations, including self-nominations.)
In other ways, too, promote the work of singles-friendly activists, bloggers, authors, filmmakers, and all the rest. (For example: I try to keep the singles resources section of my website up-to-date. I review relevant books on my blogs. I interview authors, scholars, and social scientists. I started a series on single-minded change-agents that has already featured Thomas F. Coleman, Nicky Grist, and Rachel Buddeberg. Other nominations are most welcome.)
Help other singles find the resources and expertise they are seeking. (I don't have any special knowledge religion, so when readers asked about that, I invited various experts to write about the place of singles in different religions.)
Do you have a particular niche in which you can get your points across? Maybe your workplace or a trade magazine or a newsletter? Do it - with the usual warning that not all of the feedback you get will be positive. (An example: Kay Trimberger and Rachel Moran and I wrote an article for the Chronicle of Higher Education, "Make room for singles in teaching and research." It is the last essay in this collection.)
If you are approached by the media and you are comfortable with that sort of thing, do it. (I don't think there is any hour of the day or night when I have not done an interview about singles. I will answer questions from everyone from high school students to journalists from around the globe. I don't get to every question instantly, but I do try to get to them all.)
Support the official events that recognize singles, such as National Singles Week. Create your own event, or participate in the events that others organize.
The Well-Worn Paths
There has probably never been a successful social movement that did not benefit from financial support. Celebrity advocates and spokespersons (and I use the word "celebrity" in the broad sense) can help a lot, too. Marches and protests are other familiar components of activism.
Contacting your congressional representatives and other influential people is standard practice and easier than ever. Face-to-face contact (and not just with leaders) has the potential to leave a more lasting impression than an email.
When the American Association for Single People was an advocacy organization, Executive Director Thomas Coleman organized annual visits to Washington, D.C. I participated one year as we held a briefing, talked to reporters, knocked on doors of Congressional representatives, and handed out educational materials. Coleman still maintains the website of the group, now the information service, Unmarried America.
Our most active American organization today is the Alternatives to Marriage Project. Led by Nicky Grist, the group does all sorts of good things. Check them out and see what you can do to help.
What Else?
I've probably missed out on all sorts of important possibilities. Do let me know!
[I described my personal perspective on taking on singlism here.]
