Neurodivergent Kids Can Thrive in Unschooling

For some neurodivergent (ND) kids, going to school can be a nightmare. It can be stressful and overwhelming, and can cause meltdowns and withdrawal. The damage caused by “outside school” isn’t something that they can simply push through and overcome.

This is when homeschooling—and in particular unschooling—can come in.

Source: Johns Hopkins University Press

What Is Unschooling?

As Brooklyn-based writer and educator Ruben Brosbe writes in U.S. News & World Report, unschooling is “an educational philosophy that relies on a child’s innate curiosity and desires to learn. In families that practice unschooling, students do not attend school and do not follow any set homeschool curriculum.’’

In other words, unschooling allows children to pursue their deep interests, which can be highly beneficial to neurodivergent children.

The flexible schedule and quiet environment of unschooling decrease the stress on and overstimulation of ND kids. Plus, social pressures at outside school cause “masking,” which occurs when an ND person hides their ND traits to try to fit in and avoid conflict, such as bullying.

In short, unschooling allows ND kids to have more freedom and to work at their own pace with brain breaks and a quieter environment—away from bullies and harsh demands.

While this style of learning may seem bizarre to some, it can be very beneficial to the education of all children. For ND children, it can be miraculous.

Issues With Outside School

For ND kids, traditional, or “outside” school, can be a struggle. As homeschooling expert Sathish Bala explains, there are many obstacles they might face. For example, in outside school, one of the main goals is to get the best grades possible.

In the end, a kid’s success is measured by letters on paper, and nothing else.

Bala states, “There are no grades given for personal character traits like effort, initiative, responsibility, community-mindedness, empathy, resiliency, or others. This narrow focus can be particularly detrimental to neurodivergent learners who may excel in other areas but struggle academically.’’

Outside school also limits physical movement, which isn’t helpful for children who may need time to wiggle, for whatever reason.

They may need brain breaks between tasks, for example. With unschooling, ND kids can have a schedule that fits their unique needs, instead of conforming to some “normal” standard applied to all children in outside school.

Finally, there are also behavior-based expectations that staff enforce on students, like sitting quietly and being still for long periods of time, often with little stimulation.

Trying to meet these expectations can cause both mental and physical exhaustion in kids, which causes meltdowns, detachment, and mood swings.

These kids are not misbehaving. They just need a different environment.

Nervous System Regulation and Autonomy

Unschooling helps ND kids by providing unstructured time and choice. Kids have more time to be outdoors, reading, coloring, or working on projects driven by their special interests.

Researchers Burdette and Whitaker studied why play and active unstructured time outdoors are essential to children and their learning skills.

They write, “The problem solving that occurs in play may promote executive functioning—a higher-level skill that integrates attention and other cognitive functions such as planning, organizing, sequencing, and decision making.’’

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Unschooling can seem like more play and less work. It is—and that’s a good thing.

As I write in my book Your Kid Belongs Here: An Insider’s Companion to Parenting Neurodiverse Children, “When we first started homeschooling, we started with a rigid curriculum. I was beset by fears that my kids would not learn. That they would ‘get ­behind.’”

Fortunately, I quickly learned to trust in my children, and while I continue to give them guidance, they are self-motivated to learn because they are interested in what they are learning—and because I avoid putting too many needless demands on them.

Children naturally want to learn, and unschooling allows them to do so naturally, without worrying about fitting into a particular lesson plan or curriculum.

How You Can Help

Here are a few strategies you can try to help your ND child develop an independent learning environment:

1. Follow your kid’s lead: Whether they’re into bugs, cooking, or game design, dive right in with them. They are learning new things, and your job is to support them.
2. But what about math? This is a common refrain among people who misunderstand unschooling. That kid who loves baking? They’re learning measurements. That kid who loves game design? They’re learning logic and databases along with computer coding. Math is all around us.
3. Trust and honor your kid’s needs: Allow time for breaks, stimming, or just quiet time that they need before they move on to another task. Build a friendly environment with them, and trust them when they tell you they need breaks. Don’t push.
4. Any progress is progress: Stop worrying about grade levels and standardized tests. Instead, celebrate each new idea and creation, each book read, and you will build confidence in your kid while also building trust.