3 Life-Changing Phrases to Help a Struggling Adult Child

Watching your adult child struggle is gut-wrenching. Whether it’s a broken relationship, career uncertainty, or emotional turmoil, the pain they feel is palpable. As a parent, you want to help, but finding the right words can be difficult. Sometimes, saying the wrong thing can make things worse, but the right words can be a lifeline.

Based on my experience as a parent coach, here are three powerful phrases that can offer comfort, strength, and clarity when your child needs it most.

1. “I’m here for you, no matter what.”

This simple phrase carries immense power. When everything around your child feels uncertain, knowing that someone will stand by them no matter what can be a source of incredible relief. It’s not just a reassurance; it’s a promise that no matter the outcome, they’re not alone.

Tip: Don’t just say it—show it. Your presence is just as significant as your words. Be ready to listen, sit in silence, or offer a helping hand without expecting anything in return.

Example: When Olivia lost her job unexpectedly, she felt a sense of defeat. Her mother, Jessica, didn’t offer quick fixes. Instead, she said, “I’m here for you, no matter what. We’ll get through this together.” Those words allowed Olivia the space to feel her emotions and helped her rebuild confidence without the pressure of having all the answers right away.

2. “What can I do to help you right now?”

During times of struggle, your child may feel overwhelmed by their emotions or circumstances. By asking, “What can I do to help you right now?” you allow them to express their actual needs. This question also empowers them to take control of their situation, showing that you’re there to support them, not to fix everything for them.

Tip: Offer specific forms of help, like being a sounding board or providing practical assistance, but respect their space if they need it. Sometimes, just being there is enough.

Example: After Ryan’s breakup, he became distant and emotionally shut down. Instead of offering advice right away, his father Mark asked, “What can I do to help you right now?” Ryan paused, then said, “I just need to talk, Dad.” Mark listened for hours. As I wrote in my book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, sometimes the most significant help is simply listening.

3. “I believe in you, and I’m proud of you.”

When life feels like it's falling apart, your child may struggle to see their worth. Reaffirming their value during tough times can spark their confidence and remind them of their strength. Telling them, “I believe in you, and I’m proud of you,” shows that no matter what they’re facing, you see their potential, and you trust in their ability to overcome.

Tip: Don’t just praise their actions; affirm their character. Focus on their resilience, determination, and growth, especially during setbacks.

Example: Samantha, fresh out of college, was stuck in a cycle of job rejections. Feeling defeated, she began questioning her abilities. Her father, David, gave her a heartfelt reminder: “I believe in you, Sam. I’m so proud of the person you are. This is just one chapter, not your whole story. You’ve got this.” His words reignited her determination to keep going.

Final Thoughts

Words are more than just words—they’re the foundation for connection and healing. The correct phrases—"I’m here for you, no matter what," "What can I do to help you right now?" and "I believe in you, and I’m proud of you"—can be transformative. They offer support, show love, and remind your child that they are not alone in their struggles.

With the right words, you can help them face whatever comes next with courage, knowing that they have your unwavering support.