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Key points
- The next time someone triggers you, remember that curiosity is more potent than a knee-jerk reaction.
- "That's interesting; tell me more" gives you time to process your emotions and decide how to respond.
- You take back control of the interaction when you respond with curiosity instead of emotion.
I have had countless counseling clients over the years present to me emotionally laden reactions to feeling triggered by the comments of others. You’re in a conversation, and suddenly, something the other person says makes your heart race and your muscles tense.
Maybe it’s a comment from a family member, a passive-aggressive remark from a coworker, or an old friend bringing up a painful past. Instead of reacting in anger or shutting down, there’s one phrase that can help you stay in control: “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”
This simple yet powerful phrase does three things:
- It buys you time to regulate your emotions.
- It shifts the dynamic from reaction to curiosity.
- It often causes the other person to reflect on their words.
Example 1: The Judgmental Parent
Samantha visits her mother, who has a history of making critical remarks about her parenting. As soon as she walks in, her mother sighs, “I don’t know why you let the kids stay up so late. When you were young, I never would have allowed that.”
Usually, Samantha would feel defensive and launch into an explanation, but instead, she pauses and says, “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”
Her mother, slightly taken aback, elaborates on her perspective. But because Samantha didn’t immediately react, the conversation remains calm. This allows her to either disengage or set a boundary later, rather than being pulled into an argument.
Example 2: The Difficult Boss
James’s manager, Mark, is known for making passive-aggressive comments. In a team meeting, Mark smirks and says, “Well, I hope James meets the deadline this time.”
James feels his blood boil, but instead of snapping, he breathes and responds, “That’s interesting. Can you clarify what you mean?”
By shifting the focus back to Mark, James avoids a defensive reaction and forces Mark to explain himself or reconsider his tone.
Example 3: The Critical Friend
Lisa shared exciting news with her friend Rachel about starting a new business. Rachel immediately says, “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Most startups fail, you know.”
Lisa felt a pang of doubt but chose not to absorb Rachel’s negativity. Instead, she replies, “That’s interesting. What makes you say that?”
Now, Rachel has to own her opinion rather than just shutting Lisa down. This also allows Lisa to gauge whether Rachel’s reaction is coming from concern or projecting her fears.
Why This Works
You take back control of the interaction when you respond with curiosity instead of emotion. You’re no longer trapped in a cycle of defensiveness or allowing someone else’s words to dictate your state of mind. This phrase creates a mental pause, giving you time to process your emotions and decide how (or if) you want to respond further.
Final Thought
Next time someone triggers you, remember: Curiosity is more potent than reaction. Say, “That’s interesting. Tell me more.” You might be surprised at how much calmer and in control you feel.
