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Seven Signs He's Really in Love With You

Seeing love for real.

Key points

  • Someone who truly loves you will want you to be part of his future plans and make you a priority.
  • A man who loves you will avoid doing things that make you unhappy. 
  • Love means engaging in self-reflection rather than self-love when you have to admit that you are wrong.

The beginning stages of a relationship can feel very vulnerable. Maybe you've been betrayed or burned in the past and doubt your judgement about whether this guy is for real or not. Here are seven guiding signs to see clearly through the clouds of vulnerability and determine if he truly loves you:

1. He values you knowing your value.

I could tell my friend James really valued and loved his girlfriend, Claire. James knew, in a healthy way, about the details of her life. He knew about her family background, her likes and dislikes, and her accomplishments. James was thrilled when Claire got an outstanding review at her job. And even though Claire's job entailed her having to travel and cut into their time together, he let her know that he was behind her all the way.

2. He wants you to be part of his future plans.

Does he make references to upcoming events and ask if you are available or willing to join him? Linda, a 30-year-old client, beamed with excitement when telling me her boyfriend had invited her to his upcoming family get-together. Does he joke about how your future children may look? If he is into you then he is also wanting you in—big time—as part of his future.

3. You are his priority.

In the words of my colleague Elaine, "When a man values and loves you, you know you are high up on his list of priorities." Does he make spending time with you a priority? Do you feel like the most important person in his life?

4. He is happy that you're happy.

Ted, a male client, when discussing with me his 30 years of love for his wife, shared that "Her happiness is my happiness too!" A man who loves you will avoid doing things that make you unhappy. Whether is it going to a botanical garden, taking dance lessons, going to a sports event, or rubbing your feet, he will learn the things will make you happy, and make an effort to do those things.

5. He values you missing him and he misses you when you’re apart.

Does he appreciate that you miss him? Does he miss you? Does he make an effort to reach out? This doesn’t mean he is constantly thinking about every molecule of your being; that would be unhealthy obsession. On the healthy side, however, is him texting to see how you are doing. Perhaps he may send you a work-related article of value or a funny joke he found online.

6. He goes out of his way for you.

Joan, a 45-year-old physician, had tears of joy when telling me about her boyfriend who drove 30 miles out of his way to make sure she felt safe when leaving work on a night she had to stay unusually late. Is he there for you when there is a problem? True love is about meeting the needs of the other person.

7. His ego is your friend, not your enemy

Tony, a 33-year-old rising executive, feels pride in being able to turn off his corporate ego and admitting to his wife when he is wrong. Love means engaging in self-reflection rather than self-love when you have to reach deep inside and admit that you are wrong.

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