As I wrote in my relationship book, Why Can't You Read My Mind?, you can strengthen you love by sharing your dreams with your intimate partner.
Make a date with your partner to specifically to share dreams. Get a babysitter if you need one. Go to a good restaurant or plan a quiet evening at home. One couple I know find that long walks help them get into the spirit of this exercise.
Wherever you go or whatever you do, really focus on each other. Here are some dos and don'ts to help you get started:
Do:
- Listen with an open mind.
- Ask, "How can I help you make this dream come true? "Donna had always wanted to work with poor children in a developing country. Because that wasn't realistic at that time of her life, she decided to try volunteering in a shelter for abused women and children. Her husband Stan supported her by giving her encouragement and babysitting their two children.
- Share your dreams from childhood. Often our dreams survive from an early age.
- Share your dreams from time to time to see if they''ve changed or if there's any way to make them happen.
Don't:
- Judge. This is not your dream. Don't say, "That's ridiculous", or otherwise negatively comment.
- Feel threatened. Your partner may say, "I've always dreamed of living off the land in a small village in Tahiti", but that doesn't mean he wants to pick up and move.
- Try to take charge. When Kelly found out about Cal's dream to build old fashioined wooden toys, she immediately began listing items they would need to purchase, Though her intent was good, it's not her responsibility to make her husband's dream come true.
Remember that you and your partner are learning and growing together by continually getting to know each other. Go ahead and share your dreams!
Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein is a psychologist with over 23 years of experience specializing in child, adolescent, couples, and family therapy. He holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the State University of New York at Albany and completed his post-doctoral internship at the University of Pennsylvania Counseling Center. He has appeared on the Today Show, Court TV as an expert advisor, CBS Eyewitness News Philadelphia, 10! Philadelphia—NBC, and public radio. Dr. Bernstein has authored four books, including the highly popular 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child (Perseus Books, 2006), 10 Days to a Less Distracted Child (Perseus, 2007), Why Can't You Read My Mind?, and Liking the Child You Love, Perseus, 2009).
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Image credit: Pixabay, public domain
