The Seven Warning Signs of Toxic Fighting

Your relationship may be suffering from the negative effects of toxic fighting if one or more of the following seven statements is true. In at least two out of the three of your most recent arguments, you and your partner:

1. Often end up arguing about something other than the original problem or issue.

2. Can't remember why your argument started.

3. Label the other partner in a negative way (such as "couch potato", " lazy", "selfish", or "nag.")

4. Feel like you can't make the other partner understand how you feel.

5. Say things you later regret.

6. Apologize for saying something mean to your partner even though you still believe it's true.

7. Use words like "always", "never ", and "should "when referring to your partner.

Stay tuned for my next post on the healing power of empathy to reduce toxic thoughts and toxic fighting. Empathy is the emotional glue that holds relationships together. Being empathetic, without keeping score, as I will discuss in my next post, can help you get out of the toxic fighting rut and save your relationship.

Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein is a psychologist with over 23 years of experience specializing in child, adolescent, couples, and family therapy. He holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the State University of New York at Albany and completed his post-doctoral internship at the University of Pennsylvania Counseling Center. He has appeared on the Today Show, Court TV as an expert advisor, CBS Eyewitness News Philadelphia, 10! Philadelphia—NBC, and public radio. Dr. Bernstein has authored four books, including the highly popular 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child (Perseus Books, 2006), 10 Days to a Less Distracted Child (Perseus Books 2007), and Why Can't You Read My Mind? You can follow Dr. Jeff on Twitter.

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