Light and Shadow

Loneliness

No More Tears

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on June 30, 2015

It will be a year ago tomorrow that my mom left this world. Even though I believe that she is happy and at peace, I still want her here with me NOW.The heartbreak of loss seems to be a fundamental, inescapable aspect of the human condition. When we take the risk of caring about another living being, we set ourselves up for eventual loss. What can compare to that pain?

It will be a year ago tomorrow that my mom left this world. Even though I believe that she is happy and at peace, I still want her here with me NOW.The heartbreak of loss seems to be a fundamental, inescapable aspect of the human condition. When we take the risk of caring about another living being, we set ourselves up for eventual loss. What can compare to that pain?

Loneliness

Coping with Loneliness: Finding Your Way Out of the Dark

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on June 25, 2015

Loneliness can be so agonizing that it often presses us to seek a quick remedy, something to numb the pain. Here are a few suggestions to help you make your way back out.

Loneliness can be so agonizing that it often presses us to seek a quick remedy, something to numb the pain. Here are a few suggestions to help you make your way back out.

Loneliness

Seeking Solitude but Finding Loneliness: Five Wrong Turns

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on June 19, 2015

Many of us feel the need to seek out solitude. Recently, though, I’ve been learning that this quest for time alone can be a gamble. Sometimes, when all that I’m seeking is a little solitude, I can take a wrong turn somewhere and find myself way out in a lonely place. Here are five wrong turns that might take us away from solitude and toward loneliness.

Many of us feel the need to seek out solitude. Recently, though, I’ve been learning that this quest for time alone can be a gamble. Sometimes, when all that I’m seeking is a little solitude, I can take a wrong turn somewhere and find myself way out in a lonely place. Here are five wrong turns that might take us away from solitude and toward loneliness.

Anger

To Everything There Is a Season: A Time to Smash the Ice

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on March 24, 2015

Is there a time for rage? After a brutal winter and an attempt to come to peace with the ice that wouldn't leave our streets and sidewalks, here's what happened when I finally had a chance to do something about it.

Is there a time for rage? After a brutal winter and an attempt to come to peace with the ice that wouldn't leave our streets and sidewalks, here's what happened when I finally had a chance to do something about it.

Fear

Did You Hate the Ice this Winter? An Exercise in Reframing

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on March 21, 2015

Have you ever found yourself starting to hate something in nature, like ice? This winter I noticed that many of us here in my wintry city were not only afraid of the ice; we really started to hate the stuff. It became almost like a personal enemy. This entry describes an exercise that I used to try to make some sense of peace with the ice.

Have you ever found yourself starting to hate something in nature, like ice? This winter I noticed that many of us here in my wintry city were not only afraid of the ice; we really started to hate the stuff. It became almost like a personal enemy. This entry describes an exercise that I used to try to make some sense of peace with the ice.

Trust

Floating: An Exercise in Simple Trust

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on February 14, 2015

It’s a cool, starlit night, and I’m alone in the hotel pool. Leaning back, I release my feet from the bottom. I feel myself lift up. The quiet of the water surrounds and embraces me. I am fully supported.Sometimes people experience God in this way, too—like water that surrounds, holds, and sustains us. Our part is lean back and let go—but this isn't easy for most of us.

It’s a cool, starlit night, and I’m alone in the hotel pool. Leaning back, I release my feet from the bottom. I feel myself lift up. The quiet of the water surrounds and embraces me. I am fully supported.Sometimes people experience God in this way, too—like water that surrounds, holds, and sustains us. Our part is lean back and let go—but this isn't easy for most of us.

Career

Worn Out? Seven Thoughts that Keep You from Taking a Break

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on December 27, 2014

You know that you could really use a break.You’re frustrated and irritable. Your energy levels are low. Everything feels like a chore. Yet you can’t seem to allow yourself to take any time off. What kinds of thoughts might be getting in the way of your taking a rest? Here are seven possible culprits.

You know that you could really use a break.You’re frustrated and irritable. Your energy levels are low. Everything feels like a chore. Yet you can’t seem to allow yourself to take any time off. What kinds of thoughts might be getting in the way of your taking a rest? Here are seven possible culprits.

Attention

The Rest Note: An Essential Part of the Music of Life

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on November 29, 2014

When taking piano lessons in elementary school, I was introduced to the concept of the rest note—a deliberate interval of silence within a piece of music. In life, too, we need these spaces for rest. If you find yourself getting irritable, indecisive, and inefficient, you’ll probably benefit from a chance to step out of the stream of constant activity.

When taking piano lessons in elementary school, I was introduced to the concept of the rest note—a deliberate interval of silence within a piece of music. In life, too, we need these spaces for rest. If you find yourself getting irritable, indecisive, and inefficient, you’ll probably benefit from a chance to step out of the stream of constant activity.

Wisdom

What to Do when Your Soul Screams, “Enough!”

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on October 30, 2014

You’ve been putting so much energy into this. It could be a strenuous task, a tough relationship, or a major goal. But persistence is good, right? So you keep pressing on. Then, at some point, you start to experience an internal shift. Even as you forge ahead, a voice seems to well up from within: “Enough!” Should you heed that inner voice and stop what you’ve been doing?

You’ve been putting so much energy into this. It could be a strenuous task, a tough relationship, or a major goal. But persistence is good, right? So you keep pressing on. Then, at some point, you start to experience an internal shift. Even as you forge ahead, a voice seems to well up from within: “Enough!” Should you heed that inner voice and stop what you’ve been doing?

Fear

People Pleasing: Short-Term Benefits and Long-Term Costs

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on September 27, 2014

So you’re a people pleaser! You’re helpful and kind, and you routinely put others before yourself. This strategy may serve you well much of the time: You feel good about helping others, and they usually like you. But what happens when your desire to please others crosses the line, turning into a fear of disapproval and conflict? This is where some big problems can arise.

So you’re a people pleaser! You’re helpful and kind, and you routinely put others before yourself. This strategy may serve you well much of the time: You feel good about helping others, and they usually like you. But what happens when your desire to please others crosses the line, turning into a fear of disapproval and conflict? This is where some big problems can arise.

Beauty

Loss, Hope, and Beautiful Things: A Message in the Clouds

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on August 30, 2014

I hadn’t been looking for anything. But this reflection of clouds, sun, and sky was captivating, like a magnet for my attention: Here was something really worth noticing. Later I couldn’t help but wonder: Are these spectacular scenes of natural beauty readily available to me, but simply passing by me unnoticed in my everyday life?

I hadn’t been looking for anything. But this reflection of clouds, sun, and sky was captivating, like a magnet for my attention: Here was something really worth noticing. Later I couldn’t help but wonder: Are these spectacular scenes of natural beauty readily available to me, but simply passing by me unnoticed in my everyday life?

Deception

Final Words: My Last Phone Conversation with My Mom

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on August 11, 2014

This was probably it—my last chance to talk with my mom before she died. Over a thousand miles away from me, my mom was lying in a hospice bed. Although circumstances prevented me from being physically present, we had a chance for one last phone call. And here I was, faced with what would probably be our last conversation in this world. What could I possibly say?

This was probably it—my last chance to talk with my mom before she died. Over a thousand miles away from me, my mom was lying in a hospice bed. Although circumstances prevented me from being physically present, we had a chance for one last phone call. And here I was, faced with what would probably be our last conversation in this world. What could I possibly say?

Spirituality

Overwork: A Trigger for Spiritual Struggle?

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on June 18, 2014

What types of situations lead to struggles in people’s religious and spiritual lives? Traumatic events might come to mind--or perhaps conflicts with religious people or institutions. But in daily life, some triggers of spiritual struggle might be much more mundane. Overwork, in and of itself, might just be enough to do the trick.

What types of situations lead to struggles in people’s religious and spiritual lives? Traumatic events might come to mind--or perhaps conflicts with religious people or institutions. But in daily life, some triggers of spiritual struggle might be much more mundane. Overwork, in and of itself, might just be enough to do the trick.

Dreaming

Dropped Balls & Missed Flights: Facing Personal Limitations

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on May 30, 2014

Balls were falling all around me. And they were balls that I had dropped. In the span of one week, I missed a deadline for a paper, failed to post my blog on time, and fell further behind in my administrative tasks. I even missed a flight. Failing to live up to expectations—my own and those of others--creates a real sore spot for me. And I know that I’m not alone in this.

Balls were falling all around me. And they were balls that I had dropped. In the span of one week, I missed a deadline for a paper, failed to post my blog on time, and fell further behind in my administrative tasks. I even missed a flight. Failing to live up to expectations—my own and those of others--creates a real sore spot for me. And I know that I’m not alone in this.

Stress

Unfettered: The Quest for Solitude and Wide Open Spaces

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on May 12, 2014

I started driving off into the desert and wanted to just keep on going, away from everyone and everything. Last year I blogged about this experience and found that many readers resonated with this desire to escape. A few weeks ago I had a chance to take another drive into the desert. I looked back: Had I been able to follow my own recommendations from that earlier entry?

I started driving off into the desert and wanted to just keep on going, away from everyone and everything. Last year I blogged about this experience and found that many readers resonated with this desire to escape. A few weeks ago I had a chance to take another drive into the desert. I looked back: Had I been able to follow my own recommendations from that earlier entry?

Depression

Yearning for the Light: Finding Hope in Life's Dark Tunnels

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on March 27, 2014

Some periods of life can feel like a long, dark tunnel. The tunnel might be an overwhelming project, a period of depression or loss, or a dark night of the soul. Even if we trust that we will eventually come through these dark times, it can be difficult to sustain our hope and energy. How can we cope when we are still waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Some periods of life can feel like a long, dark tunnel. The tunnel might be an overwhelming project, a period of depression or loss, or a dark night of the soul. Even if we trust that we will eventually come through these dark times, it can be difficult to sustain our hope and energy. How can we cope when we are still waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Stress

Breathless: When Everything Is Just a Blur

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on February 25, 2014

Last month I described a ride in a tram car with a floor that slowly rotated in a circle. Although the steady turning meant that I couldn’t focus on any single scene for very long, the movement was slow. But what about those times in life when things seem to be spinning much faster?

Last month I described a ride in a tram car with a floor that slowly rotated in a circle. Although the steady turning meant that I couldn’t focus on any single scene for very long, the movement was slow. But what about those times in life when things seem to be spinning much faster?

Education

As the World Turns: Learning to Enjoy Times of Rapid Change

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on January 25, 2014

Around and around. I was riding an aerial tram car in which the floor turned in a circle, giving ever-changing views. Although the ride was exciting, it was hard to focus on any one thing. Life often feels like this: Even when good things surround us, we can feel disoriented when events, tasks, and people around us shift constantly. How can we make the most of these times?

Around and around. I was riding an aerial tram car in which the floor turned in a circle, giving ever-changing views. Although the ride was exciting, it was hard to focus on any one thing. Life often feels like this: Even when good things surround us, we can feel disoriented when events, tasks, and people around us shift constantly. How can we make the most of these times?

Although the sweet taste of gratitude can be hard to find in sour situations, it's ultimately worth the search.

Embarrassment

The Quiet Power of Encouragement

Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on November 1, 2013

We can all use a boost sometimes. The gift of encouragement, while often subtle, can be a powerful one. When we “en-courage," it’s as though we actually infuse courage into another person. Encouragement can provide us with strength to look ahead, move forward, and reach for the next goal. A little encouragement can transform the whole emotional tone of a tough situation.

We can all use a boost sometimes. The gift of encouragement, while often subtle, can be a powerful one. When we “en-courage," it’s as though we actually infuse courage into another person. Encouragement can provide us with strength to look ahead, move forward, and reach for the next goal. A little encouragement can transform the whole emotional tone of a tough situation.