This Game Aims to Help Young Adults Launch

Friedrich Nietzsche said that maturity involves regaining the “seriousness one had as a child at play.” Thus spoke the man with the big, bushy mustache, proclaiming we should view the world with wonder and excitement. This is important to consider when most folks struggling to transition to adulthood often lament the no-funness of aging.

I’ve written before that being an adult is the mix of financial and emotional stability. That’s it. Enjoying anime and video games doesn’t compromise that. Everything is a matter of perspective, so it behooves one to see life as a game simply to be played, not won. Again, Nietzsche would say that “he who has a why can endure any how.” Our perspectives are baked into our reasons for living.

So, let’s work toward a playful mindset. Dan Siegel talks about the neurological benefits of play in his Healthy Mind Platter, as it aids in neuroplasticity. Play helps us relax, connect, and see things in a new light through movement and engagement. Play physiologically and linguistically helps us reframe experience in our minds. Making a game of adulting skills can poke a hole in a rigid thought pattern.

I call this game Solitary Fighter, named for the 20-something-year-old fellas struggling against the transition from boyhood to adulthood. (Most of my patients are male, but this approach works with all genders.) I call them Solitary Fighters because these fellas endure their challenges alone, struggling with either self-efficacy or the courage to meet folks IRL.

The game is rooted in Steven Hayes’ acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and utilizes the matrix layout with an overlay of the hexaflex reshaped as a video-game controller:

Solitary Fighter

Source: Reuben Brody, made with Freeform

Like the ACT matrix, we map out what’s important alongside the behavioral and emotional barriers. Goals and values fit in the bottom right quadrant; automatic negative thoughts, feelings and limiting beliefs in the bottom left; experiential avoidance tactics (excessive gaming, social media, cannabis, porn) in the top left; and actions that align with goals and values in the top right.

The controller indicates the six ACT principles to use when playing the game. As they stand, words like “defusion,” “committed action,” and “self-as-context” come across as academic lingo—abstract, no fun to the layman. So instead of "defusion," I say “release,” which is what we’re actually doing when we detach from thoughts and feelings: we’re releasing ourselves from their charge. "Self-as-context" has been shorted to "birds-eye," as it’s straight-ahead what’s happening: You’re noticing the situation as an experience. This is something one would do in a video game, too, as the character spins around to gain perspective. "Values" are "your code": a.k.a., your raison d'etre. "Committed actions" are "XP," video game parlance for experience points. "Mindfulness" I’ve changed to "mindsight," a nod to Dan Siegel, for it sounds more like sci-fi (Luke, use the mindsight). "Acceptance" stays as is because, well, it's acceptable.

When someone gains XP, they move up a level. Once that happens, it’s important to reauthor the narrative (a skill I learned from Randy Petersen): Same life, and I’ve ____. Here’s a rough example of how the game would run:

Level One: In the Bedroom

• Birds-eye: Acknowledge the experience (bed, shame, self-doubt, etc.).
• Mindsight: Notice without judgment what’s happening in your body and in the room.
• Release: I’m a loser. Release means acknowledging this is just a thought.
• Acceptance: Surf social media in bed. Accept that I’ve been doing this; that this is the experience.
• XP: Make the bed and clean the room. Gain the experience of doing something different.
• Your code: My core values validate the XP gained.
• New narrative: Same life and I have a clean room and my bed is made.

Level Two: Out of the Bedroom

• Birds-eye: Acknowledge the experience.
• Mindsight: Notice without judgment what’s happening in your body and in the room.
• Release: I’m a loser.
• Acceptance: Stay in your room all day.
• XP: Clean up after meals.
• XP: Talk to family about their day.
• Your code: My core values validate the XP gained.
• New narrative: Same life and I cleaned my room, made my bed and I helped in the kitchen and connected with family.

This game moves beyond the house—to expand the comfort zone, one must step outside of it. It’s important to acknowledge the shifts in perspective as it helps folks realize their momentum. We also must acknowledge that the game is hard; that’s why it’s meaningful. After all, “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Thus spoke the man with the big, bushy mustache.