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What are the most fear-invoking situations you can imagine? What are the most exciting possibilities you can dream up? The emotions and physical responses linked with perceived threat are pretty powerful -- and not so easy to overcome, if the calm you want to "keep" has already been disrupted. It is actually better to accept the products of the threat response and reframe what they are telling you to do.
When you are faced with a new assignment on the job, what do you first feel? When you have to stand in front of a crowd and speak, how do your mind and body respond? When you first said the words, “I love you,” to your romantic partner, how did it feel? Getting ready for a first date with someone with whom you’d been hoping to connect for months, what is going through your mind? How are you feeling those last few days of tying up loose ends at work prior to setting off for a week-long vacation?
Chances are that your body is sending out similar signals in all of those cases above. Hearts can pound with fear or skip a beat with anticipation. We may get an unsettled feeling in our stomach when we are preparing to deliver a speech to a group of strangers just like we feel butterflies the first time we are going to reveal our intimate feelings to someone about whom we care.
The Fine Line between Fear and Excitement
New or unfamiliar situations can create the “stress reflex” just like anticipation for desired events can do. Final preparations before a long anticipated vacation can stir up feelings of excitement and concern that you get everything done that is needed to be done before your departure. Getting the call that you have been chosen for the new job you’ve been hoping to land can get your blood pounding through your veins. Our bodies provide a space and place for the physical manifestation of our mental state.
If you break down the various components of the body’s physical response to happy anticipation or galvanizing fear, you’ll recognize a few similarities. Your heart rate increases. Your digestive system reacts and you experience a pit in your stomach, butterflies, or a “gut reaction.”
So, the body enacts fear in ways that are similar to how it enacts excitement. The differences between the mind’s responses, however, are significant. When you’re fearful, you try to find ways to avoid the fear-inducing situation or to “get it over with.” When you are excited about an event or encounter, you happily anticipate the event, look forward to it getting nearer, and savor the wait and the experience itself. Big differences!
Taking Fear out of the Game
Luckily, a recent series of psychological experiments conducted by Alison Brooks (2014) have provided empirical proof that dysfunctional fears can be mastered. Her work shows some pretty awesome fear-reducing results!
Step 1
It turns out that if you are feeling those fear-related physical sensations, a simple and effective way of taking control of your mental state is as simple as saying out loud, “I’m feeling excited” or “I’m getting excited about . . . (fill in the blank with the formerly fear-inducing event).”
That's It!
This may sound too easy or too simplistic, but remember that there is an inherent power in positive thinking. We “are” our emotions. When you actively choose to label inappropriate fear as excitement or eager anticipation, you are giving yourself the power to approach a situation in a much more effective and functional state of mind. Don't ignore your feelings -- master them.
Good Fear is Valuable, Bad Fear is Dysfunctional
Sometimes fear is the best response to a situation – when physical safety is involved, trust your gut when it sends up a warning. But if you are just trying to get up the nerve to ask him out, then turn the fear into happy anticipation and make your move.
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Reference
Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology, 143, 1148-1158.
