When most of us think about what might make us happy, we tend to focus on the “things” in life that we crave or long to possess. These things may be concrete consumables or they may be intangible resources, such as “time,” “inner peace,” or “true love.”
We live in a world of instant feedback and conspicuous consumption. It may be experienced firsthand through the “Buy Now” button on Amazon’s website or via Netflix bingeing. Some of us might assume that the anonymous reviews of others on product/film/music websites will guide us to the purchase that will bring us the greatest happiness. It seems kind of odd that we might trust strangers’ opinions when we already know how much we might disagree with our own friends or our partners about favorite products.
It is also amazing how many “things” everyone seems to own today – and how many more things we might desire because we believe that they can make us feel even better about ourselves in relation to how we think others feel about us.
It is perhaps the paradoxical desire to divest to have more that has created the hot new trend for “tiny houses” or longing to live “off the grid,” (ironic, isn’t it, that we hear about these folks’ experiences online?), or the movement to make do in life with 100 possessions or less. Actually, now that a single Smart phone can do just about anything that we need doing – “Okay, Google” or “Siri,” -- making do with less isn’t as big a sacrifice as it once might have been.
“Down-sizing,” “right-sizing,” or “de-cluttering” all reflect the same realization that is gaining momentum – possessions simply won’t bring lasting happiness to our lives.
Happiness is a State of Being, not a Pile of Stuff
Perhaps one of the most important secrets to happiness is a cheerful mood. Seriously.
Cheerfulness is Essential to Happiness
There are plenty of old songs that encourage you to “put on a happy face” or “smile when your heart is breaking,” and, much more recently, Pharrell’s iconic “Happy,” where I first heard the awesome simile about happiness feeling “like a room without a roof.”
There is a Zen koan or saying that asks the question, “Do you practice smiling while peeling carrots?”
My former yoga instructor always encouraged us to smile during the most difficult poses. She would then ask the question, “Are you smiling because you are happy or are you happy because you are smiling?”
She was on to something significant.
Many of us may feel a little confused about why we are always encouraging people to “lie” to themselves and pretend to feel something they don’t.
It is because researchers have found that being able to offer the world a sunny disposition, regardless of your inner mood state, actually encourages you to feel better physically!
Most of us already know that smiles are contagious, and if you can find the energy to offer your own smile to the people around you, even if you feel like your inner world is falling apart, you are going to feel magically better when your smile is returned.
In fact, being on the receiving end of someone else’s genuine smile has been proven to be emotionally and psychologically healing.
You Don't Have to be Alone
Did you know that simply imagining that you are being smiled at by someone you love is just as powerfully healing as having that person present?
Why not try a little experiment right now;
- Take a moment and clear your head of any worries or anxieties.
- Imagine being with someone you love and who cares about you and who isn’t here with you today.
- Feel this person’s presence right there with you where you’re sitting.
- Now, imagine this person offering you a warm smile. Focus for a moment on that smile.
Chances are good that you are smiling yourself right now at this moment. Most of us experience a reflexive smile when someone smiles at us. Chances are also good that you felt a warmth surrounding your heart and filling your chest. When we imagine being smiled at by someone we love, stress lessens and our bodies physically respond to that image. Like getting a warm hug.
Yep, it works almost every time!
Is a "Stiff Upper Lip" Helpful?
How do you tend to cope with a difficult moment in life? Are you biting your lip? Grimacing? Trying to keep a stiff upper lip? Well, there may be a better way of coping with stress. In fact, if you need one more reason to be cheerful, how about this. Research has shown that when patients grimace or frown during medical treatments or procedures, they actually feel more pain than those who do not.
So, don't listen to people who tell you that you just need to "grit your teeth and bear it" when you're in the midst of a bad situation. Letting yourself smile in the midst of struggle is what brings a change in perception and will increase your ability to cope.
Finally, I encourage you to be empathetic to anyone who is coming to you seeking help from you – and to yourself. Offer others a little extra support in life by offering them a warm and authentic smile. When you use your warm presence to help others get through difficult times, the pay-off can be huge! For both of you.
