When you first fall in love, it seems like every waking moment is filled with thoughts of your beloved. You brainstorm ideas for winning their heart, pledging your love, or cementing the relationship. The first few months may leave us feeling like we are addicted to the objects of our affection; some of us may experience a physical craving for their company. Early physical attraction is a powerful force.
Once this somewhat anxiety-provoking phase winds down and our love grows into a calmer, steadier relationship, we may no longer feel the need to get everything “right” every time, or feel driven to find the perfect token of our devotion. We recognize that a relationship is not hanging in the balance of a single red rose, but of a life of shared respect, honor, and intimacy.
How can you maintain a relationship with all its fervor, even after the initial rush passes? Here are 3 suggestions for enhancing a relationship on a consistent basis:
- A moment (or more) of your full attention and presence every single day, if only to catch their eye and let your gaze communicate your love, to listen to her share a joy or a challenge she faced that day, or to be fully present and “with” him, even if the television is on, or dinner preparations are underway, or you are lying in bed and rehashing or deconstructing your days.
- A kiss, a hug, a caress, or some other form of skin-to-skin, body-to-body contact—at some point each day. Each day. Just like we all have a need for food, we also have a basic, innate need for human touch. When this need goes unmet, we suffer from something called “skin hunger.” While it typically affects those who live alone or have no one close by who can fill this need, when a romantic couple lives like roommates or ships that pass in the night under the same roof, we can also suffer the pangs from this hunger. When we go too long without someone satisfying this hunger, it leads to negative emotional and physical consequences including depression, pain, and anxiety. Starving for affection isn’t just a metaphor—we all need physical touch to create that connection between emotional and physical wellbeing.
- Expressions of gratitude for this special person’s presence in your life—both to your beloved and, perhaps even more importantly, to yourself. Letting someone know how much they mean to you is a wonderful, joy-generating gift. Daily reminding yourself how much someone means to you positively enhances how you routinely treat the person, and deepens your devotion to and appreciation for him or her. When we feel cherished by another, we are likely to increase our level of gratitude for this person.
Sure, few of us would complain if we were gifted with diamond jewelry, new cars, tickets to exotic destinations, or other tangible signs of “proof” of someone’s love for us. However, relationships in which the gifts of attention, touch, and gratitude are regularly offered and appreciatively received are much more likely to withstand challenges and provide long-term satisfaction than those in which the financial cost of the gift is more important than the emotional investment in it. Pretty toys can be a temporary fix, but simple daily acknowledgements of devotion can offer longer lasting benefits and authentic joy.
