Toxic Relationship Break-Up Tips

Learn from past relationship mistakes and make the next one better!

Posted Jan 23, 2015

If you have reached the point at which you truly believe that there is little hope that a fractured friendship or ruptured romance can be repaired, it is important to maintain your resolve and terminate the relationship for good. This isn't easy, so be sure to have some compassion for yourself in the process.

Bear in mind that ending a friendship that no longer works can be just as difficult and painful as ending a romantic relationship that has failed.

It may help to remind yourself that while there may be aspects of the relationship  you find yourself missing, toxic relationships can only be sustained for a limited amount of time before they take a significant toll on the mental and emotional well-being of one or both parties involved.

There are five points about ending even toxic relationships that research has revealed that can be considered to be “Truths about (even necessary) Relationship Break-Ups.”

1. Breaking up a toxic relationship is not always easy to do.

2. It can hurt when the relationship is ended. It can hurt a lot.

3. Mutual friends may be lost in the break-up.

4. You may be lonely for a while once a toxic, but familiar, relationship has ended.

5. As time passes, it will get easier and life will be better.

To help make the break-up outcome as clean as possible, you may want to follow the following seven suggestions when letting go of the relationship:

1. Do not let toxic relationships go on for too long.

2. Weigh your words carefully.

3. If it is likely that you will still run into an ex-friend/partner in the neighborhood, at work, on campus, or at the gym, make sure that you end the relationship on as positive a note as possible.

4. Technology issues may need consideration – unfriending, blocking email or Twitter accounts, etc. may need to be handled.

5. Make the break-up about you and your needs, not the ex and their wrongs.

6. Acknowledge the benefits that the relationship has offered over time and express appreciation for the positive role the friend or partner has played in your life in the past.

7. Do not allow yourself to dwell on negative thoughts about revenge or punishment of the former friend/partner.

Researchers have found that “revenge fantasies” do more harm than good for the wounded. By obsessing on the negative and painful aspects of a past relationship, you keep yourself from letting it go and moving ahead!

Humans are born to seek social connection and belonging, so it is only natural to have a significant emotional reaction to the loss of a significant relationships! Let these losses be lessons and take from them the wisdom necessary to ensure that your next relationship is more satisfying and rewarding. There’s enough pain in the world without inflicting it upon ourselves – let go of old hurts and move forward ready to make better choices and stronger connections.​