Life, Refracted

On relationships and more.

Roni Beth Tower Ph.D., ABPP

The Frustration of Waiting

Changes in our political, climate, technological, and medical landscapes can converge to interfere with a person's best intentions. When outrageously frustrated, try these tips.

Work-Life Tips for Now and Following the Pandemic

With over 38 million U.S. jobs lost, today's adults face unique challenges. At least seven sets of skills—four traditional and three personal—can be helpful in pursuing work.

Revisiting Some of the Ways to Show "I Love You"

The wisdom of "social distancing" during a pandemic urges couples to find ways of expressing love that go beyond physical closeness. Here are principles for rethinking intimacy.

Reading During a Pandemic: Three Books, Three Genres

Books from three different genres—fiction, memoir and creative nonfiction—address challenges women can face at mid-life and beyond and ways they can cope with them.

Resources During the COVID-19 Pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic offers coping challenges across our experience. Here are resources for entertainment, learning about unrelated topics, and reliable coronavirus information.

Rethink Time in Coping With Coronavirus Stress

Unknowns surround the new coronavirus, amplifying pandemic-related stress. Shifting perceptions of time can help us cope with the resulting anxiety, anger, fear, or grief.

Stress Responses in the Time of the Coronavirus

Poor coping can hurt individuals and damage relationships: Addiction, panic buying and hoarding, risk-taking, avoidance, aggression, blame, and emotional contagion are illustrations.

Disaster-Related Stress: From the Universal to the Unique

The kind of stress we experience and its impact depends on a person's unique history, temperament, and context, as well as the groups they belong to and the universal human condition.

Disaster-Related Stress in the Time of Coronavirus

The coronovirus pandemic is a source of disaster-related-stress for people around the globe. Adjusting your perspective and priorities can help. Here are resources to help.

A Teen Discovers Inspiration at the Metropolitan Museum

Why do we visit museums? What impact can art have on our experience? How can we regulate our emotions so that the interest created by novelty does not evolve into exhaustion?

Loving the Little Girl Inside Me

My strongest needs, desires, wants, and other yearnings gradually became conscious. Now the part of me they come from and the responsible, patient, directing adult I am are one.

Challenges of Making Decisions (and Respecting Commitments)

Do you struggle with decisions, searching for some external standard to help you make a choice? Does fear of commitment fuel your distress?

Revising Rituals so They Remain Relevant

Update your rituals so they stay meaningful. In an inspiring story, Jill Le Grand and her daughter updated their Christmas tree to support their beliefs. Unexpected joy resulted.

Perfect Parenting Observed at a Busy Supermarket

In a challenge, a mother was calm, problem-focused, and flexible, modeled morality, and intuitively understood the importance of discipline.

Yes, Older Adults Do Enjoy Sex

Interviews with mature adults and professional researchers in newspapers, magazine articles, and refereed journals show that attitudes toward sex in later life are expanding.

What Makes You Think I Would Want That Gift?

Do you struggle when giving gifts? Here are seven reasons why, plus three strategies to assure your gift will be treasured.

From Teddy Bears to Sex Dolls: How Did We Get There?

The popularity of giant teddy bears in Paris may be explained by qualities of the man who brought them to his neighborhood, traits of the bears, and our relationships with them.

Listen to the Smells: Transform Negative Experience

Smells have powerful effects on feelings and potentially behavior. When the impact is negative, we can use imagery techniques to broaden our reactions.

Are You Using Meaningful Measures?

Do you listen to your body, or do you rely on numbers from external measures to guide your life?

What Motivates Us?

Often we pursue rewards that the world can give us like fame, fortune, status, or admiration. Other times we act to satisfy needs that lie solely within us. Learn to choose.

Quick Tips to Brighten Your Autumn

Try these strategies to brighten your September: Finish unfinished business, retrain your temperament muscles, respect your circadian rhythms, and celebrate your achievements.

Are Transitions a Challenge for You?

When you have trouble shifting gears, identify sources of your difficulties. Tools grounded in learning theory can help you confront your maladaptive habits and change them.

Does Your Companion Share Your Travel Style?

Make your travel, especially vacations, more rewarding by appreciating ways in which your own and your companion's style (and temperament) affect experiences and your relationship.

Does More Time Spent on Screens Lead to Depression?

A new study shows that, for teens, the impact of time spent on screens may depend on the use: Doing work? Playing? Seeking entertainment? Learning about the social world?

A Refresher Course on the Importance of Touch

A tendspotter predicts that consenting human touch is due for a comeback.

When an Emergency Leads to a Shift in Priorities

Many experiences can derail your intentions and priorities. Here are five tips to reclaim a sense of stability and direction quickly.

When a Best Friend Moves Away

Our first non-family love relationship offers opportunities to grow in new ways, putting another's welfare ahead of our own. Changes affecting that friendship challenge us.

Connecting When A Child Becomes an Adult

When a child or grandchild becomes an adult, do you feel them drifting away? Show them that you recognize their maturity and status to lay the foundation for new love and respect.

In Praise of Play: Personal and Social Benefits

Play offers rich personal and social benefits. Embracing whimsy, ambiguity, transformation, and diversity helps—as can several specific rewards.

Is Fear of Intimacy Becoming the New Normal?

Intimacy discomfort may reflect insecure attachment, a transactional worldview, new perspectives, anxiety, fear of energy, nervousness about expectations, or reciprocity unease.

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