Here's How to Communicate With the Dead

You can talk to your departed love ones.

Posted Sep 28, 2014

Dear Friends, I posted this two and a half years ago. I have been contacted by hundreds of people who wanted specific directions. So I am including exact directions. Let me know how it goes.  I am so surprised by the response to this article that I am currently writing a book about how to communicate with the dead, and I hope it will answer all the questions you are asking me, plus introduce you to practices around the world. And yes, you CAN do it. 

Source: paul Ross, with permission

My mother died two months ago. Before her passing, I asked her on three separate occasions to send me a sign in the form of white feathers. The first time she sneered. The second time she rolled her eyes. And the third time she didn’t answer. So I forgot about it.

Communicating with the dead has actually been a secret part of my life for many years. It began when my father died when I was in my senior year of college. I used to go to the cemetery to visit him, and one day, quite unexpectedly, he spoke to me. “Don’t give up your writing either,” he said.

“Either what?” I thought. Why did he talk about writing? I was going to be a college professor. As it turned out, he was right. I didn’t give up my writing and I became a writer.

It happened again when a teacher presented me with an owl feather in a large box at the end of a kundalini yoga class. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the gift. I lifted it up, and I saw dead people jumping up and down, wanting to speak.

Then it happened with my dear New Zealand friend when I met her in France. She was looking for the cemetery where her grandfather was buried. All she knew was that he died in the battle of the Somme. We chose one of the many military cemeteries in the area and drove there. When we arrived, feathers lined up in front of us, leading the way to an arch, which was flanked by two books bearing the names of the interred. Her grandfather’s name was among them.

Years later, it occurred to me that the “yahrzeit candle,” or commemorative Jewish candle that is readily available in supermarkets today, provides a means for contacting the dead. On many occasions, I have chatted with my father.

But, as you read these words, you can probably understand that talking to the dead was not something I shared readily with people. Occasionally I would tell a child who lost a family member about it, and showed her how to connect with the departed through a “yahrzeit” candle.

Recently, the dead tried to make contact with me. Or, more specifically, my mother, who refused to commit while she was alive, made herself known.

I was having a very difficult time about a month ago, and was entering a shop in Santa Fe, where I live, when I saw something remarkable. The cracks in the sidewalk in front of me were filled with white feathers. As I walked, there were white feathers to the right of me, and white feathers to the left of me. I rubbed my eyes, thinking I was hallucinating. But when I opened my eyes again, there were more feathers. Clumps of them. Next to the shop was a kind of spider’s web filled with white feathers—maybe 50 or 60 of them.

I decided that it was time to break my silence around all things relating to communicating with the dead.

There was a gathering two nights ago at a friend’s house. Before the gathering, I sent out an email asking people to bring a “yahrzeit” candle, no matter what their background or religion.

When I walked into the gathering, a woman told me I had something on the back of my black caftan, and she picked it off. A woman sitting next to her said to me, “It was a white feather.”

At that moment, all my temerity about what I was about to do vanished.

I told the people at the gathering about my secret life of communicating across the great divide. I showed them exactly how I did it with a “yahrzeit” candle. And then I asked each of them to find a private place inside or outside of my friend’s house, where she or he could light the candle, and talk to a person they had lost. When they were done, I asked them to gather together again in the living room.

Time passed. I wondered if I had lost my mind. I wondered how the dispersed people were reacting. And then I stopped wondering because one by one, they came back to the living room.

First, we all sat expectantly. Then each person reported what had happened in the intimacy of her or his communication with a departed loved one. There was deep silence in the room; the silence of people really listening to what others had to say. Some were teary. Others looked relaxed. Or relieved. One or two had a faraway look in their eyes.

Some said they had gotten answers to questions. Others felt a calm presence. A few said they had connected to people they hadn’t thought about in years. One or two communicated with multiple people. Each story was moving, compelling, surprising. It was like a window had opened up into the soul of each person sitting in the room.

At the end of the evening, I felt as though we had all been on a voyage together. The subject of this blog is transformative travel. What trip can be more transformative than one that transcends the physical barriers of life?

Specific Instructions: 

1) first, go to a supermarket where they have kosher/jewish foods. most large supermarkets have them. things like matzo and chicken soup. there you will find a yahrzeit candle. if you do not find it there, you will find it at a synagogue. a yahrzeit candle is a small candle in a glass. the glass has hebrew writing on it.

2) light the candle. speak out loud and tell the departed person what has been going on in your life since his untimely death. talk as long as you wish.

3) ask the departed questions that can be answered by yes or no.
if the answer is yes, the flame will grow larger or get vertical.
if the answer is no, the flame will move side to side.
the candle movements may be very dramatic, with the flame bouncing up and down, or it can be subtle.

4) when you are done, thank the departed for coming.

5) let the candle burn for 24 hours. Make sure there is a plate or aluminum foil underneath the candle paul

I wish you well. I wish you very well. The dead wish you well too. And now you know how to contact them.  As I mentioned above, I am currently writing a book about How to Communicate with the Dead, and it has a lot of additional information which I hope answers many of the questions you have. Blessings to all of you. 

 X x x

 Judith Fein is the author of The Spoon from Minkowitz, which contains a contingent of dead people, and Life is a Trip: The Transformative Magic of Travel. Her website is:

 The white feather consented to be photographed by Paul Ross.