Life Gets Better

The unexpected pleasures of growing older.

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W.

Crossing the Divide

Trying a different approach is better than losing friends, distancing from relatives, and giving up talking with anyone whose views seem outlandish or offensive.

The Power of Kindness

Our immediate sphere—that’s where our power is. A circle of influence radiates out from our individual conduct. This is where the impact of decency flourishes and abides.

Time Out of Time

Hours of life have been returned to us that were previously filled to the brim with going here and there, doing this and that. Now we have more time, but are we doing less with it?

Ways to Feel Better in These Times

We have all been deprived of many sources of calm and renewal. Here's what you can do, whatever your circumstances are.

10 Things to Talk About Before You Get Married

The question is not how many differences a couple has but whether there are frictions that could erode the relationship over time. It's better to face these before marrying.

How to Deal With Winter Blues

When the sun is out, my spirit soars; when the day is gray, with a ceiling of dense clouds, my energy is low and my outlook leans accordingly toward the dim. It's embarrassing.

The Comparison Trap

Something good happens when we catch ourselves doing comparisons and stop. We create an interlude of relief where we let ourselves be. The depth of the relief is instructive.

Getting to Square One

The energy of anxiety can be a valuable inducement to change. But if we get stoned into daily comfort, why would we do anything differently?

Fair Fighting: Why Should We Try?

It is tempting to try to cause hurt, to let loose, yell, and hurl insults, but what's left in the aftermath? Fair fighting pays off in so many ways.

What Are You Feeling?

The ability to put words to feelings isn’t a simple matter. Even to recognize what you are feeling can be difficult. But looking inward leads to better relationships all around.

The Fork In the Road: Getting Through Tough Decisions

Making choices can be both unnerving and life-affirming.

F*ck It

The expletive leaves our lips when we are about to do something we know we shouldn't, and then we summon our justifications.

Striking Up a New Friendship: It's Not So Easy

How are we supposed to make new friends as adults? We need an entry point into other people’s lives.

Breaking Up With Food

I knew it had to be a permanent separation. This was going to have to be a deep emotional break-up, a rift that would last the rest of my life.

The Weight of the World

We are not helpless.There is power in the collective will to survive and make life good for those who come after us.

Driving Like a Tibetan Monk

When cheaters cut in and aggressive drivers have their way, I go wild. I get agitated and yell expletives. But there is another way to react, and I am trying to get there.

The Woman Who Does it All

Women seem to hold up the world. Is this an identity, a self-created fate, or a default position when men in our lives do less than their share?

We Change When We are Ready, Not a Minute Sooner

What makes us change, if not deciding to do so? It turns out that we make changes when we have to, not when we want to.

Intimacy is Heaven and Hell

The aspect of a partner that most hurts us and drives us into a frenzy is the part that most cries out for our compassion. This is what intimacy is really about.

I'll Do It Tomorrow

Strategies of avoidance can come to dominate our lives, but there are ways to induce ourselves to get things done instead of putting things off in an endless cycle.

When You Don't Know What to Say

Often we don't phone or visit when a loved one is ill or grieving because we don't know what to say and dread our awkwardness—then we feel guilty about our silence and inaction.

Your Worst Enemy

We make our own misery. Life is hard enough, but we make things worse by exaggerating our failings and piling up proof of our deficiencies.

When You're Hot, You're Hot

Living at the mercy of a hot temper is miserable for everyone.

It's About Time

Rushing around is not a good way to live. We know this, yet we keep cramming in tasks and commitments as if we have no choice. It seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day for everything we have to do. The irony is cruel – that such relentless pushing to get things done usually doesn’t add up to a day well spent.

What Should I Do With My Life?

This question can give us heartache, whether we are in our twenties or sixties. Having no idea what to do next hurts, even as it might excite us on some level. Whether graduating from college or retiring from a long career, the road ahead may seem intimidating in its blankness. Freedom is supposed to be so desirable, yet its reality is often heavy with perplexing dilemmas.

Can't Sit Still? You Are Not Alone

We have far too much access to each other and hardly any to ourselves.

Get Out of Yourself

We are fortunate when something happens that extricates us from an excessive focus on ourselves. The hardest burden in life is self-centeredness.

When is Enough, Enough?

If we knew for certain how long it would go on, we could pace ourselves in caregiving situations and parcel out our energies. But this is rarely the case. Even when a parent reaches an advanced age like ninety, there can be several more years of mutual captivity when the parent has to receive too much and it's hard to figure how much giving is enough.

Childhood Lasts a Thousand Years

Childhood lasts a thousand years; the rest of life passes in a blink of time by comparison. Thus, an adaptation made to our particular circumstances long ago may live on in adulthood as cringing around conflict, a habit of self-reliance, barriers against intimacy, set ways of doing things, or other expressions of what happened during that thousand-year period.

Emotional Affairs: Why They Hurt So Much

Feeling understood on the level of the soul is far more sexy than sex. Restoring such excitement to the marriage is the best recourse.

  • Previous
  • Page 1 (current)
  • Next