LGBTQ Affirmative Psychology

Relationships

Do You Distance Regulate in Your Relationships?

Chris Tompkins LMFT on September 9, 2026

Distance isn't always a sign that something is wrong. For some people, creating distance is a way of managing intimacy, vulnerability, and emotions.

Distance isn't always a sign that something is wrong. For some people, creating distance is a way of managing intimacy, vulnerability, and emotions.

Sexual Orientation

What We Get Wrong About Internalized Homophobia

Chris Tompkins LMFT on August 30, 2026

External homophobia is easier to recognize, but the ways we've internalized it are more nuanced and less understood.

External homophobia is easier to recognize, but the ways we've internalized it are more nuanced and less understood.

Shame

What's Important to Consider in Talking About Meth

Chris Tompkins LMFT on August 14, 2026

Many gay men feel unsure about their relationship with drugs and alcohol, but think they have to wait until something dramatic happens before changing anything. That isn't true.

Many gay men feel unsure about their relationship with drugs and alcohol, but think they have to wait until something dramatic happens before changing anything. That isn't true.

Shame

Gay Men and Self-Worth: Beyond Visibility and Pride

Chris Tompkins LMFT on July 26, 2026

An important conversation for gay men means facing what many of us don't want to acknowledge or think we've moved past. As a therapist, I've learned it still affects our worth.

An important conversation for gay men means facing what many of us don't want to acknowledge or think we've moved past. As a therapist, I've learned it still affects our worth.

Bias

Are Gay Men Really That Shallow?

Chris Tompkins LMFT on June 26, 2026

We've all heard stereotypes about gay men. But where do they come from and what do they leave out? What's more, are they true?

We've all heard stereotypes about gay men. But where do they come from and what do they leave out? What's more, are they true?

Relationships

What Bartending Taught Me About Wants and Needs

Chris Tompkins LMFT on June 2, 2026

After 11 years working at a bar, I learned that most people can easily say what they don't want. Far fewer can say what they do.

After 11 years working at a bar, I learned that most people can easily say what they don't want. Far fewer can say what they do.

Personal Perspectives

Why Do We Stay in Relationships That Don't Work?

Chris Tompkins LMFT on May 13, 2026

Personal Perspective: A quote from 'Nobody Wants This' made me look at my relationships in an entirely new way.

Personal Perspective: A quote from 'Nobody Wants This' made me look at my relationships in an entirely new way.

Shame

What We Misunderstand About Jung's Shadow

Chris Tompkins LMFT on April 23, 2026

For many gay men, shame is already conscious. What often goes unrecognized is everything else.

For many gay men, shame is already conscious. What often goes unrecognized is everything else.

Conversion Therapy

Conversion Therapy Is Still Happening. Now, It's Protected.

Chris Tompkins LMFT on April 8, 2026

The Supreme Court just put conversion therapy bans at risk across the country. Here's what a therapist who has worked with survivors wants you to know.

The Supreme Court just put conversion therapy bans at risk across the country. Here's what a therapist who has worked with survivors wants you to know.

People-Pleasing

Why Gay Men People-Please

Chris Tompkins LMFT on March 23, 2026

Many gay men people-please, stay small, and avoid conflict because of an unconscious agreement they made to themselves as boys. Learn what drives the behavior and how to change it.

Many gay men people-please, stay small, and avoid conflict because of an unconscious agreement they made to themselves as boys. Learn what drives the behavior and how to change it.

Body Image

Why Do So Many Gay Men Hate Their Bodies?

Chris Tompkins LMFT on March 1, 2026

Gay men face unique pressures around body image. Understanding the "male gayzed" is the first step toward healing shame and seeing ourselves differently.

Gay men face unique pressures around body image. Understanding the "male gayzed" is the first step toward healing shame and seeing ourselves differently.

Bias

How Stereotypes Inform the Way Gay Men See Themselves

Chris Tompkins LMFT on February 21, 2026

A recent "Wired" article reduced gay men to tired stereotypes. Here's how media narratives become internalized and what we can do to push back.

A recent "Wired" article reduced gay men to tired stereotypes. Here's how media narratives become internalized and what we can do to push back.

Authenticity

Why Gay Men Code-Switch Their Voice When Dating

Chris Tompkins LMFT on February 11, 2026

Vocal code-switching is common among gay men but rarely discussed. We explore what drives the practice and how to stop reinforcing old beliefs about worth.

Vocal code-switching is common among gay men but rarely discussed. We explore what drives the practice and how to stop reinforcing old beliefs about worth.

Shame

Why Religious Harm Isn’t Always Recognized as Trauma

Chris Tompkins LMFT on January 26, 2026

Many people live with shame and self-doubt tied to religious messages without realizing it. How to recognize religious harm and make choices from your own values.

Many people live with shame and self-doubt tied to religious messages without realizing it. How to recognize religious harm and make choices from your own values.

Confidence

Why “Confidence” Is the Wrong Goal

Chris Tompkins LMFT on January 8, 2026

What we often misunderstand about confidence—and how understanding your nervous system can help.

What we often misunderstand about confidence—and how understanding your nervous system can help.

Relationships

Do You Want Non-Monogamy, or Do You Think You Should?

Chris Tompkins LMFT on December 20, 2025

Open relationships are on the rise. Here's what's beneath the surface for gay men—and how to know what you actually want.

Open relationships are on the rise. Here's what's beneath the surface for gay men—and how to know what you actually want.

Positive Psychology

How to Step Into the Life You Want Today

Chris Tompkins LMFT on December 13, 2025

Connecting with our future self and cultivating self-honesty can turn today’s choices into lasting growth for real-life change.

Connecting with our future self and cultivating self-honesty can turn today’s choices into lasting growth for real-life change.

Alcoholism

There’s More Than One Way to Get Sober

Chris Tompkins LMFT on November 28, 2025

Personal Perspective: Sobriety doesn’t have to follow a single path. There are different ways to make recovery work.

Personal Perspective: Sobriety doesn’t have to follow a single path. There are different ways to make recovery work.

Sexual Orientation

Why Gay Men Judge Their Voices

Chris Tompkins LMFT on November 16, 2025

Many gay men struggle with feeling self-conscious about their voice. Learn how early messages about masculinity shape unconscious expectations about how we should sound.

Many gay men struggle with feeling self-conscious about their voice. Learn how early messages about masculinity shape unconscious expectations about how we should sound.

Loneliness

Why Loneliness Affects So Many Gay Men

Chris Tompkins LMFT on October 27, 2025

Why some gay men feel alone even around others, and how to change it.

Why some gay men feel alone even around others, and how to change it.