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Use a Third-Party Perspective to Reveal the Truth
I would rather talk about someone else.
Posted February 11, 2021
People often hesitate to answer direct questions, especially when the questions probe sensitive topics. Elicitation creates an environment that encourages people to reveal sensitive information without asking questions. In most cases, when elicitation is done properly, people do not realize that they are divulging closely held information.
One elicitation technique you can use to find out what people really think or feel about a topic or idea is to approach the topic or idea from a third-party perspective. Using the third-party elicitation technique yields sensitive information that people would not normally reveal under direct questioning.
The third-party perspective is an elicitation tool used to discover what people really think about sensitive topics—thoughts they normally wouldn’t reveal or would lie about if asked in a more direct manner. It is the technique of framing information and facts in the third person.
For example, if a husband wants to purchase a new fishing boat, he could frame the contemplated purchase from a third-party perspective, “A friend of mine just bought a new fishing boat,” to see how his wife might feel about his own purchase of a new fishing boat.
This technique exploits people’s natural tendency to talk about other people. People tend to believe information they hear from a third-party perspective, especially when they are being complimented. Hearing things from a third-party perspective gives the illusion that the information must be true because it is coming from a disinterested person.
When you ask people direct questions about sensitive topics such as “Would you cheat on your spouse?” they usually defer to social norms to frame their answer. Social norms are the standards of society that define acceptable and unacceptable beliefs and behaviors. People are expected to adhere to these standards or risk being seen as deviant. Thus, if you directly ask your loved one what they think about cheating, they will turn to social norms for their answer even if it’s not what they really think (unless their behavior and social norms are in synchrony).
The third-person perspective technique can be used in a business situation as well. As an example, let’s assume a manager suspects one of her employees is taking office supplies home or wants to know if an employee is predisposed to do so. Elicitation can provide an answer.
If the manager chooses to directly ask the employee if they are pilfering office supplies, they will undoubtedly answer, “Of course not.” However, if the employee is asked to comment on a third-person scenario involving a worker from another company who took office supplies home, he or she is more likely to tell the truth. The exchange would go something like this:
Manager: A friend of mine who works at another company is having a problem with employees taking office supplies home. What do you think about that?
Employee: I think that anyone who takes what doesn’t belong to them is wrong and should be disciplined.
The employee’s answer came from her heart since she was commenting on a third party's behavior. This means her answer was highly likely to be truthful.
In another instance, a student told me of an eye-opening incident. She was in a serious relationship with a young man and contemplating marriage. She struggled with a weight problem and exercised regularly to keep in shape. However, she knew that she would eventually put on pounds as she aged or if she were to become pregnant. She wanted to know how her boyfriend would feel if she did gain weight.
One evening they were watching the TV show The Biggest Loser, which focuses on how much weight people can lose during a fixed amount of time. Halfway through the show, her boyfriend blurted out, “If my wife ever got like that, I’d kick her to the curb.”
The woman was taken aback. Her boyfriend was revealing his true feelings about overweight women based on a third-party perspective. She decided to test him by asking a direct question: “Honey if I became overweight, would you kick me to the curb?” Predictably he replied, “No, way. I’d love you no matter how much you weighed.”
By taking advantage of the third-party-perspective technique—the student did not plan it out but was smart enough to learn from it when it occurred—she found out how her boyfriend would really feel if she were to gain weight. She eventually broke up with him and found a more compatible mate.
