10 Ways to Improve Communications With an LD Child

This post was co-authored by Miranda Melcher.

What follows are 10 ways parents can take the best practices offered in the previous post, “Helping Families Navigate the Complexity of Raising a Child With LDs” and operationalize them to improve their communications and interactions with their children.

As a parent, the most important thing you can do for your child with a learning disability (LD) is to listen to them and make them feel that you care about their feelings and perceptions of the situation, even if those don’t match your own. Listen to your child and focus on trying to figure out where they are feeling pain (physical, mental, etc.). Also:

1. You can show you’re listening by actively and promptly responding to what they say, even if that’s requesting more information or saying you don’t understand. You can also show active involvement by repeating back what you think you’ve understood so that they can correct you. Throughout this active listening, the focus should be on trying to solve issues with your children as active participants—that means finding solutions that actually solve the problem for them rather than what would work for you, fit a specific diagnosis, or be easiest. If a solution doesn’t fit, keep looking. If a solution partially fits, keep looking.
2. Accept that your child’s interpretation/perspective is valid and the most important issue at stake. You can show this in a variety of ways, including listening properly (see above). You should also verbally emphasize your love and acceptance for your child through explicit and repetitive language and behaviors.
3. Accept that your child already knows that they are different in some way, whether or not they have received or have been told about an official diagnosis. While your feelings around a diagnosis may involve worries about labels and inevitable limitations, know that for your child, thinking there is “something unknown and wrong with them” is infinitely worse. In fact, having a diagnosis means your child is now exposed to the idea that there are other people like them out there, which is much more hopeful than thinking they are literally alone.
4. Processing what it means to have a diagnosis and intervention is difficult for the whole family and not just the individual with LD. Try not to get caught up in your own feelings, at least in front of them. This process is likely to be at least somewhat painful and guilt-inducing for parents (and at times the siblings), as they come to better understand the challenges and pain the child is going through. The family will have to accept that there is a limited extent to which their pain and guilt can help alleviate their child’s pain.
5. Try to remove extra challenges for your child. Take tasks or responsibilities off their plate and do not discuss the finances or burdens of potential solutions. By removing these things, you are not “enabling them” or preventing them from developing necessary skills. In fact, the opposite is true; you are providing them space to learn and develop at their own pace.
6. Experiment with solutions and ways of thinking in response to your child’s needs. One of the most powerful things you can do to support your child and to prove that you are listening actively to their needs is to advocate for your child—do not put the burden of figuring everything out on them alone. You can do this by helping with finding solutions, including doctors, experts, products, etc. Help with scheduling and research for interventions, therapies, and more.
7. Be actively and verbally interested in how appointments and experiments go. When age-appropriate, actively look for resources/books/blogs written by people with similar/the same issues and pass them on to your children. Actively solicit their opinions and feedback in order to continuously refine your understanding of their needs. These can be great ways to have conversations about how your child is feeling and to identify methods of further support.
8. Help them develop processes. A lot of where your child’s energy gets used up every day is often in attempting to accomplish tasks that you as a neurotypical may find unthinkably easy. Avoid starting an intervention with “Don’t worry, this will be easy,” as it may not be for them; initiating the conversation this way may inhibit them from asking for further help. Instead, help your child identify weak areas and then, crucially, build simple and straightforward processes to cope/compensate. This can help give them confidence and skills going forward. Questions to begin this kind of conversation could start with “What feels hard to you about doing X?” A therapist/therapy team will often also work on these sorts of skills, especially in academic settings, but the need for processes like this also applies to non-academic settings. These areas are a great way for you to get directly involved if you and your child want that level of involvement. Tricky areas can include chores. As an example, break down tasks like “do the dishes” into steps to set boundaries: Do the dishes need to be rinsed first? How full does the dishwasher need to be to run it? Does doing the dishes include putting away leftovers? Does it include wiping down the counter? Do these chores with your child and talk through the steps involved. Be prepared to go through this teaching process several times to help them develop the habit. Some people find visual reminders, like labels, whiteboards, diagrams, or charts helpful ways to develop multi-step habits. Others make use of checklists, either analog or digital/app-based to provide reminders. See what works best for your child.
9. Help with specific types of communication, e.g., “essay introductions,” “request emails,” responses to “how are you,” or “disclosing your diagnoses.” These types of general communication tasks can be broken down into a regular template; talk through and write down these processes with your child. Furthermore, socializing in general is often something your child will want but could find overwhelming and have trouble achieving. Having discussions to identify what kind of social situations your child most enjoys (likely 1:1 or small group and around a structured activity) is key. Work with your child to set benchmarks for success, e.g., sit with one friend at least twice per week at lunch, join one new weekly activity over the next few months, or attend two parties this year, etc.
10. Finally, help your child identify triggers that cause stress or overstimulation. A consistent problem underlying other challenging areas can be not knowing where your child’s comfort boundaries are with socialization, environmental stimulation, etc. Going through each individual area and talking about boundaries enables you and your child to plan in advance what may work versus what may be too much.

Miranda Melcher is an expert on neurodiverse inclusive education and co-author of the book NVLD and Developmental Visual-Spatial Disorder in Children.