Words to the Wise

Source: Iffany / Pixabay

I love quotable quotes and witty bon mots. I use them a lot in my practice. People often get stuck in negative thought cycles. Feedback loops that affect the way they think, feel, and act. These consequences then reinforce the same negative thought cycles that, in turn, bring on the same thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. And around they go, unless those cycles get broken. Sometimes, a powerful quote can help.

Studies on the subject are numerous and tend to concur. One 2018 study found them great for improving self-esteem, whilst another from 2022 found a link between wisdom quotes and psychological well-being. Yet another study (this time from 2024) said that motivational quotes could “wield and obtain a sense of power toward inspiring individuals to strive towards their goals.” I could go on, but you get the picture.

Often, a well-placed quote from someone else can provide just the right amount of insight needed to break a negative rumination, improve a mood, and inspire to action. But you do need to be careful.

The problem is that quotes can be tricky things. The person who people think said the thing might not be the person who said it. Or they might have said it, but not quite like that, and it might not have been what they meant in the first place.

Who said that?

Take the quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” That one is often attributed to the political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi (at least, according to cheap trinkets and motivational posters, it is). Only, he never said it.

It’s good advice and a sound maxim if it resonates, but what he truly said was far deeper and more profound:

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”

This version points to a deeper philosophical and psychological truth. Namely, that change comes from within. Only we can break our cycles.

Family or friends?

Another quote that needs to be handled with caution is “Blood is thicker than water.” The earliest known version of this dates to the 12th century. However, a fallacy pervades the internet—one that claims the original version means the opposite and says, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Only, there is no historical evidence to support this.

To some, this later reinterpretation can feel deeper or more meaningful than the original. For a variety of reasons, many people prefer the message that chosen family is more important than biological family, and so the later version blossomed quickly online. By all means, choose the quote that you prefer, but be aware that the latter is not the original interpretation of the former.

Flexibility is strength

Another favourite of mine comes courtesy of the English naturalist, geologist, and biologist Charles Darwin, who once famously never said, “It's not the strongest of the species that survives. Not the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”

Over time, even that misquote got reduced to “survival of the fittest.” Since then, many have misunderstood what it meant. They took it to mean that only the strongest survive.

But it’s not referencing strength at all. Others claim it’s referencing flexibility and that, from an evolutionary (and psychological) perspective, the ones most adaptable to change are the ones that flourish. But it’s not quite that either.

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It's supposedly from Darwin’s famous On the Origin of Species, only he didn't write it, or not like that anyway. And he was talking about natural selection.

This misattribution was also etched into the stone floor of the California Academy of Sciences. They even had Darwin's name carved under the quotation, until they realised their error and removed it at great cost.

Even I make mistakes

Sadly, I have fallen foul of incorrect quotes myself. I am a proponent of rational emotive behaviour therapy (REBT), which is based in part on Stoic philosophy and, especially, the teachings of Epictetus, who (most definitely) did say, “it’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

However, I tried to go one better and got into trouble. There is a quote that says, “The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude to the problem.”

According to the internet, the famous philosopher Captain Jack Sparrow said it. And he said it in his first body of work, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

I even used to introduce him and his wisdom into my workshops, webinars, and seminars, often to appropriate levels of laughter. But guess what? He never said it.

I found that out when, one Christmas, I decided to watch all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I eagerly watched the first one, waiting for Captain Jack to utter his immortal line. But it never came. Puzzled, I watched the second movie, then the third, and so on. The line never came. And so, I took to the internet, which, even today, still claims it was Captain Jack who said it.

But, if you take a deeper dive into the forums and such like, you find a different story. Some say it was uttered in the movie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, whilst others say it wasn’t in the movie, but it was written in the book by author Ann Brashares. I have yet to read the book, so I cannot say.

The moral of all this also makes for some fine words of wisdom: Always check your sources.