Friends
Finding Meaning Every Day
A Personal Perspective: I cannot live on the surface. I seek meaning daily.
Posted December 9, 2024 Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Key points
- Meaning is found in family.
- Meaning is found in friendships and pets.
- Meaning is found in food and beverage.
My days consist of finding meaning. I awake, gloriously thrilled that I am alive, that I have, seemingly, another day to be on this earth. Many times, lately, I am not happy with the state of our country or world, but I am joyous over having another opportunity to live in it. Still, I recognize that I have not chosen an easy path, for I experience my life deep within, asking myself questions that often have no answers: What is my purpose in this life? Am I working toward this deeper meaning? How will this job or position serve me? Who do I most want to spend time with and why? Despite the challenges of swimming upstream in my own life, I just cannot live on the surface.
One of the most impactful books in my life is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It was so meaningful to me that I taught this book for years to my college students. His premise is that if someone has meaning in his/her life, then he/she can survive most anything. He did his own study within the Auschwitz death camp, finding that those victims who survived quite often had an inner world in which they lived. They found meaning through a loved one, a project or work, or even in suffering. He observed that when their meaning was lost, they had given up and their death was imminent. I have spent my life searching for meaningful experiences and avoiding the vacuous ones. I sometimes don’t feel that it’s comfortable for some of my friends to experience life in this way, for it demands constant questioning, searching, redoing, and reworking. Yet, it’s the only way I can live my days.
What gives me meaning?
Family. First and foremost, my family. Now that I am a Nana, I have another layer to this joyousness: my three grandsons and one granddaughter. I weathered, at times a tumultuous motherhood, only to receive the greatest gift from my sons: their offspring. I am grateful I can spend so much time with the little ones. I am aware that as they grow, they will need me less and less and will have their own lives. I am trying to soak up every young year with them, but I can already see that my 10-year-old grandson is growing up and apart, the normal course of life.
I ask myself, what is the meaning I obtain from these four souls? A chance to push the redo button and to be a different type of mother than I was early on. No more do I need to worry about my job, carpools, laundry, dinner, marketing, appointments, and sports. I can focus on playing games and learning about the inner thoughts of little people who provide the best wisdom.
Food and Beverage. I get meaning from the special foods and beverages I consume. Coffee. Chocolate. Chardonnay. (In that order.) I could live without all three, but the quality of my life would diminish greatly. Yes, I am aware of the studies that suggest limiting these three items or even eliminating them from one’s diet. I do not abuse any of them yet enjoy them almost daily. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a connoisseur of malted milk balls. I have eaten them all my life and I owe it to my husband who found what I consider to be the best in the world. I order them every few months and indulge. Oh, and I adore beef bones. I would like to be a vegetarian, but I do crave meat occasionally, and when I do, there is no finer food for me than beef bones, which satisfy my desire for the protein and the chewing. I just love chewing on bones.
Reading and Writing. For me, any time I can spend with a book is glorious. Reading takes me to an inner journey where I can detach from the world around me. My mother was a daily reader, but my father and brother never read. My husband doesn’t read as well. But my best friend, Lori, was a voracious reader as a child (and still) and she instilled within me her passion for the written word. It has never left me and as a result, I am never bored.
And, when I want to feel complete, I write. I write about which I am joyous and with whom I am angry and disappointed. I write my sadness as well. Writing provides the outlet I need, in the same way as swimming laps or taking a long walk.
Dogs. Molly, the third dog our family has had in the last three decades, gives a depth to my life that only a family pet can give. Growing up in a dog-deprived home, I longed for a furry loved one. It took me almost 15 years of marriage to have our first dog even then I stretched the truth at the rescue place when asked if everyone in the household wanted a dog. I knew full well that my husband was against getting a dog. It was one of the best lies I have ever told, for Teddy became part of the fabric of our household and held his own with our three growing boys. And, he paved the way for our subsequent two other dogs.
Long-Term Marriage. We have been married forever: 48 years. I am grateful. We know each other backward and forward, warts and all, and still love and care and do sweet things for each other. We argue and discuss and walk away from each other. I, to my home office, and he to the den, but we always end up back together again, hugging and smiling. And starting again.
Female Friendships. I get such joy from my female friendships. They enrich my soul, all providing another element of joy based on their personalities. I have long-term friendships, with the longest being 70 years (my entire life) and the shortest being about eight. Each are spokes on my friendship wheel, providing me a way to view myself in their company.
As I age, the meaning I seek remains the same: all the elements that enable me to awake with a smile, knowing I will reach out to Paul with love; speak to one of my sons, FaceTime with my grandchild, write my truth while a malted milk ball melts in my mouth and hear from a dear friend who lightens my soul.
