Father’s Day After Loss: Grieving and Remembering Dad

As a family scholar who studies fathers, I’ve noticed a pattern: Father’s Day is often the one time of year media outlets reach out to talk about dads. That says something about how our culture regards fatherhood—but that’s a conversation for another time.

This particular Father’s Day is deeply personal. It’s the first since my own dad passed away seven months ago. Because of his dementia, it feels like he’s been gone even longer. This post is for anyone navigating Father’s Day after the loss of a father. There are many reasons this holiday might feel difficult, but this reflection focuses specifically on grief.

It may seem natural to try to ignore the holiday altogether, hoping to avoid painful memories or overwhelming emotions. But avoiding Father’s Day is easier said than done. Storefront displays, targeted ads, greeting cards, and social media posts all serve as constant reminders. A wise colleague of mine once said, “If I told you not to think of pink elephants, what’s the one thing you’d think about?” That’s how grief works, too—it rises up even when we try to push it away.

Instead of trying to ignore the day, it may help to gently acknowledge it. Father’s Day will come, and it may be hard. But it can also be an opportunity to reflect on what coping looks like for you. That might mean writing out a card, even if you can’t send it. You might visit a place that was special to your father—or to both of you. Looking through old photos, writing a letter, or simply sitting with your memories can all be ways to reframe the holiday into something more meaningful.

One idea is to rename the day for yourself—from Father’s Day to Remembrance Day. This reframing can help shift the focus from loss to connection and healing. This perspective offers further ideas.

Even if you don’t want to avoid the day completely, you may still feel unsure about how to spend it. Think about how you might honor your dad’s life. You could volunteer in his memory, plant a tree, create a small memorial, or simply do something he loved. My dad was a big fan of doo-wop music. This Sunday, I’ll likely wash my car while playing his old CDs—a simple ritual that brings him close. Here are more ways to remember.

Whatever you decide, consider making plans ahead of time. Arrange to have dinner with friends, go for a walk on your favorite trail, or spend time with people who understand what you’re feeling. Having something on the calendar can ease the emotional load of the day.

Finally, it’s possible to hold both grief and gratitude. There may be other fathers in your life you want to celebrate—do it. My husband is a wonderful dad. I have a great father-in-law. And I’m lucky to know many men who show up for their children every day. Celebrating them doesn’t diminish my loss—it adds light to a hard day.