Familicide: Domestic Abusers Killing Multiple Family Members

A recent case of family annihilation made the news when a father from Washington state murdered his three young daughters. He shared custody of the children with the mother, who had apparently sought a protective order against him.

Domestic violence homicides take too many lives. First, let’s learn some grisly but important terms. Then we'll review the problem and figure out some ways to reduce risk.

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Terms for Family Homicide

Familicide or Family Annihilation: These terms refer to a person killing multiple close family members in quick succession. The killers in these cases are almost always men. Sometimes they go on to kill other family members, known people, strangers or themselves after murdering their partners (or ex-partners) and children. In fact, most mass murders are perpetrated by men who have practiced their violence and intimidation on their families. The Indy Star newspaper thoroughly investigated family annihilations in 2023, with data from the Gun Violence Archive, and found that one family annihilation occurred every five days in the U.S. since 2020. This article also maps the correlation between states where family annihilations most often occurred, and lax gun laws.

Intimate Partner or Domestic Violence Homicide: These terms refer to when domestic abusers kill their intimate partners, or when the victims kill the abuser. When men kill their wives and girlfriends, most often it is after years of abusing them. When women kill their husbands or boyfriends, most often it is after years of being abused by them. It's harder to determine the gender effects in same-sex relationships and in relationships where one or more people are trans because of the scarcity of research.

Intimate Partner (IP) Homicide-Suicide: This terms describes when people kill their current or former intimate partner and then themselves. These events occur on average once daily in the U.S., and 95 percent of the time they involve a man killing his female partner. (These statistics exclude incidents where the homicide or suicide attempt fails, resulting in injury but not death.)

Terror: Inducing terror is the chief aim of many domestic abusers because it enables them to achieve control. To avoid angering the abuser, adult and child domestic violence victims will make extraordinary efforts to please and appease the abuser.

What Do We Know About Homicide in Families?

Most domestic abusers don't kill anyone. However, some do, and women are five times more likely to be killed by a current or former intimate partner than men. Sometimes, after killing everyone else, abusers turn their weapons on themselves. The weapons in these acts are guns about 90 percent of the time. When guns are not used, abusers may strangle or poison their victims, light the house on fire, or use mixed methods. And 91 percent of the perpetrators of familicide are men.

Red Flags and Timing

Researchers know some red flags that indicate a greater risk of a domestic abuser committing murder (Logan et al, 2019). These include a history of coercive control, forcing sex or strangling his partner. Access to guns, threatening his partner with a weapon and threatening to commit suicide also raise the risk profile (Monckton-Smith, 2021).

In his research on men who kill their partners, David Adams, Ed.D. found that many of the men who commit murder-suicide or familicide fit the same profile as those who kill just their intimate partners. “A jealous substance abuser with a gun poses a particularly deadly combination of factors,” according to Adams.

One study found that over a third of murder-suicide perpetrators tested positive for alcohol at the time they committed the fatal acts. It's important to note that this leaves two thirds who were not drinking when they picked up their gun. Some may have been intoxicated with other substances, but most were sober.

The same study found that a third of homicide-suicides occurred when the victim and perpetrator were in the process of breaking up, usually when the woman in the relationship was leaving the man. The most dangerous period for a domestic violence victim centers around leaving. The risk stays high for 18 months after the breakup. This doesn't mean that staying is the safer path. Rather, it means that domestic violence victims need support and safety planning to make sure they can get away safely.

Domestic Violence Essential Reads

When Men Apply for Protection Under the Violence Against Women Act

Spotting Domestic Violence in the Workplace

Researchers warn that while violent reactions to breakups, histories of domestic violence, jealousy and homicidal threats toward victims are highly common among DV homicide-suicide perpetrators, they are also common among other male domestic violence perpetrators who don't end up killing their victims.

What Can You Do If You’re in Danger?

1. Seek Help Early. The earlier in the relationship that you can seek the assistance of a domestic violence advocate, the more likely you are to be able to end the relationship safely. Over time, the abuser’s control will weaken you physically, psychologically, and financially. You are also likely to become isolated. Don't worry that you are imagining or exaggerating things, and don't allow anyone to force or manipulate you to remain in a relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
2. Safety First. If you are concerned that your current or former intimate partner might kill you, contact your local domestic violence agency and ask for a safety plan (even if you’re not ready to leave), or talk about obtaining a protection order and/or an extreme risk protection order, or ERPO, which removes guns from people who are a danger to themselves or others. If you're in immediate danger, call the police and/or get to a safe place as soon as you can.
3. Danger Assessment. Ask the domestic violence agency or the police for a danger assessment. It's important to know your risk so you can decide what steps to take. The police will take your case more seriously if they can see that your risk level is high. If you are seeking a protective order, or if you have child custody issues in the future, the judge may take into account this danger assessment (also called a lethality assessment) in reaching a decision.
4. Take Threats Seriously. Abusers who make threats to kill must be taken seriously. This is equally true whether the abuser threatens to kill you or someone else. Even veiled threats raise the risk level. For instance, it's deeply concerning if a domestic abuser says, “I would hate to see the kids grow up without a mother.”
5. Take Threats of Suicide Seriously. Suicidal threats communicate an abuser’s violent intent. Suicidal threats correlate with homicides and suicide/homicides; women whose partners threatened or attempted suicide were 133 percent more likely than other abused women to be killed by those partners.
6. Understand the Risk Posed by Firearms. Both suicide and homicide are much more likely in a home with a gun. Ninety-two percent of IP homicide-suicides are committed with guns. When Adams asked incarcerated men who had committed IP homicide if they would have used another weapon if a gun were not available, most said, “No.” Guns are efficient killing instruments, they can be used impulsively, and they are often used to terrorize and threaten. The U.S. has an unusually high rate of IP homicides and familicides due to the easy access to guns. States that have more restrictive gun laws (including removing guns from domestic violence perpetrators) have lower rates of homicides and suicides.

And beyond the individual suggestions posted above, we need education (especially for boys and men) in how to handle difficult feelings without resorting to violence. We need improved funding for domestic violence programming directed toward (potential) victims and offenders. And we need family courts to take violence and control seriously--before they become lethal.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.