Your Body Remembers Trauma, Even Decades Later

I went home last week for a book signing.

As anyone who survived childhood trauma in their family of origin can relate to, going home can be stressful, often for a multitude of reasons. There are the memories of childhood, some good, that I like to hold on to. But more often, I’m met with the memories of what was missing due to what I was dealing with at home.

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In many ways, our body remembers.

At the end of the trip, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt the all-too-familiar beginning of a migraine aura.

If you’ve never had one, let me paint the picture. For me, it starts with a small squiggly line, like a speck of dust on your contact lens. Then it slowly expands, creeping across my visual field until it feels like I'm looking through a fish tank. It peaks within about 30 minutes, then fades away—but that’s usually when the headache hits. If I’m lucky, it won’t. But in recent months, it seems my luck has run out.

Anyone who suffers from migraines knows how important it is to identify triggers. I try—but it's difficult. What sets me off one day might not affect me the next. And, no, I refuse to consider caffeine as a culprit. (Kidding. Kind of.)

What fascinates me about migraine auras is how they demand your attention. You can't push through like you might with pain. You're suddenly and temporarily literally visually impaired—can’t drive, can’t read, can’t even scroll your phone to pass the time. All you can do is sit there, eyes closed, and focus on the abstract shapes swimming across your vision.

It sounds trippy, but it can be terrifying. The first time I had one, I genuinely thought I was having a stroke. Thousands of dollars in medical tests later, I finally saw a neurologist who diagnosed me with migraines. Apparently, they decided to show up in my early 30s. But I wasn't shocked.

Physical manifestations of trauma can show up years—even decades—after trauma

Those of us who work with trauma survivors know that their bodies carry the trauma. Often, symptoms can show up in the body years—even decades—later. Many of my clients who experienced childhood abuse develop migraines, chronic pain, and other medical concerns well into adulthood, struggling to understand where these symptoms "suddenly" come from. Often, we begin to unravel years of abuse and trauma that they had been forced to deny or ignore. Their body stored it away for them, until it no longer could—or until it felt safe enough to reveal it.

When trauma occurs—especially in childhood, when we don’t have the language or support to process it—our nervous system steps in to protect us. Our heart rates spike, our muscles tense, and stress hormones like cortisol flood our bodies to protect us. In isolated incidents, this form of protection is a good thing: It gives us the adrenaline and strength to get through a stressful situation (like crossing a busy street). But, if that stress becomes chronic, the body adapts by holding that tension. It can show up later as chronic pain, fatigue, digestive issues, and autoimmune disorders, among other issues. The body remembers what the mind could not make sense of and could not process at the time.

Listening to our bodies can help with healing

When my clients experience medical concerns that I feel are related to their trauma, we explore and process ways to listen to their bodies. Sometimes that means allowing for rest or increasing movement, or finding other ways to reconnect with their bodies. The goal should always be to listen.

So now, every time a migraine hits, I try to take my own advice. I ask myself: What is it that I need to stop and look at?

Because maybe, just maybe, my body is trying to tell me something.